The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time
by galleons
Summary: Professor Vector decides that Snape's face has character, er, even if he does not.
1. Chapter 1: Any Day Now

**Author's Note: ****Can't help myself…another fanfic…I know, but from another angle this time.**

**I do not wish to profit from the Harry Potter books. I just have fun with fanfics and the only profit I receive is cracking up laughing when I type…or getting fun reviews on occasion. Though I am sure Professor Snape is waiting for the day that I get bored with interfering in his life.**

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 1: Any Day Now**

I had worked at Hogwarts for years, was his mentoring subject for many months, and there were plenty of times that I could have had an interest in him. There were _plenty_ of opportunities in which I knew for a fact that he wanted me…er, like _that. _Or, so I thought and believed a few other people were convinced as well. And now I think that I…maybe…not sure yet…er, _might be_ interested in him and he was once again a Death Eater.

Perfect timing on my part…I must commend myself. Really I should.

It was comforting to know that my poor taste and severe lack of sound judgment were in perfect synchronicity.

And it all started, I think, over the mark.

_The Yule Ball…Hogwarts Grounds._

I pulled up the hem of my dress and stood behind the column to watch in bewilderment and what I hoped was virtual concealment. Snape and Karkaroff exchanged heated words again in the courtyard where the carriages were being held. They had been bickering like schoolgirls since Durmstang arrived. Not sure what the problem is but Karkaroff is one scary man, yet Snape seems to be completely unruffled. He just appeared to wave him off like a very annoying, persistent fly. I was not so lucky. If he gave me one more rotten-toothed smile, I would scream. Karkaroff was scarier than Snape used to be when he first mentored me. I cursed silently that I had to observe the two people that I was usually avoiding. Well, maybe just Karkaroff. I enjoyed reading muggle history biographies and he bore a striking resemblance to Rasputin. Snape, a dementor, but I've never told him that, and it was pointless to broach the subject now that I was slightly,er, _slightly_ infatuated with him. Though he still glided like one, as his robes floated behind him, but he was a bit more attractive to me now. Did I say now…_now_ that he was once again an employee of the Dark Lord? Book me a room at St. Mungo's please. Just not next to Lockhart.

I had wanted to talk to Snape about something, er, for once. Some interesting rumors had just been brought to my attention.

As Karkaroff stormed off yelling and cursing in his native language, I guessed, I saw Snape, wand at the ready, apparently dueling with an innocent-looking enough rose bush. Snarling, concentrating, and hitting the mark effortlessly, most likely utilizing his practiced efforts at imagining his target was Harry Potter.

I stepped out from behind the column, very much like a dementor myself in my floaty gown.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing? You can't be serious? Blasting rosebushes? They are cared for by Sprout and could you please stop slamming the carriage doors? They are likely to fall off the hinges by the racket you are making, Severus. I'm surprised nobody else has come out here to see what the noise was all about," I stepped further out of the shadows and walked over like I hadn't been standing there watching this nonsense for nearly ten minutes with a palm to my mouth in disbelief.

Wondering if not only were some carriages unhinged, but quite possibly the tenured Potions Master of Hogwarts.

And pondering if Snape was really taking his chaperone duties a bit too seriously or if he refused to allow any young couples to snog with anybody in the bushes or carriages because he wouldn't be doing so and he had just had a meltdown at the unfairness of it all.

Not sure what it could be.

"Honestly, I can even sympathize with you regarding hurrying them along, and yes, for the first time even issuing some well-deserved deductions of points since I started working here, but really….even still…" I looked at him perplexed, my eyes widening.

"Vector, I do not remember you being asked for your input." He examined the last carriage window with his wand tip and when he saw there were no occupants, he lowered his wand, and swiveled to face me. He was less threatening without the big, billowy, black robe. He was in ball attire. Well, a shorter black frock coat was apparently ball attire for Snape. He stared at me in sheer annoyance.

"Is it really true you deducted one point from Gryffindor and the point was taken from Trevor, Neville's toad?" I asked about the rumor I had heard from congregating students in the hall near my class room today. I wouldn't tell him that the staff had met in the staff room to laugh themselves silly over it either. With a few, "Poor Longbottoms," thrown out because they felt bad even though they thought it was hilarious..

"Yes." He said smoothly and without blinking, his lips a taut, thin line.

"How is that possible? He is not a student, he is a toad." I couldn't believe I was holding this conversation with Snape and pointing this out to him. Then again he had threatened to poison the Toad once. Only Harry Potter got treated _slightly better_ than poor Trevor. At least Harry wasn't turned into a tadpole….and then back.

Well, he had once threatened to poison the both of them…and _me._

"He's a Gryffindor and he is not on my register for that class period. Am I making myself plain, Vector?" he glared at me darkly, daring me to object to his latest deduction of House points.

"And what did Dumbledore say?" I had to ask. I wasn't even sure House Point deductions would register for non-humans. If it did it was a first.

"I am a Head of House and if I felt strongly that it was necessary than he agreed with my privilege to exercise my power, rightfully so, Vector." He looked at me as if I was a dolt who should be aware of this fact.

And I assume Mrs. Norris should get the equivalent of a prefect badge I wanted to say, but didn't.

"Well, how is your evening going anyway?" I tried to ask airily, changing the subject to get to the real subject I was curious about.

"Splendid…would it be any other way?" The sarcastic low voice and raised eyebrow encouraged me to take in how ecstatic he was at the prospect of the ball. "Actually, where are you creeping off to, Vector? He narrowed his eyes and surveyed me as if he were sure I was up to something I shouldn't.

"I am leaving soon, Snape. I am tired and our staff really is quite exuberant when the dancing begins. I think I hurt my neck after the Weird Sisters. Sad really… that Dumbledore is wide awake when the rest of us are half his age and then some…."

"So am I shortly." He looked around alertly as if he suspected additional lurkers in the rose bushes.

"My heels are killing me and…"

"Does it look like I care, Vector? Did you expect comfort in this particular ball dress you selected as well?" He looked disinterested but he held eye contact with me a just a mere second longer than necessary.

"Listen, Snape all kidding aside…best I could do…the current style. I have dark hair and no other colors were available…"

"Did I appear to be jesting…and I don't particularly care." He sounded bored regarding the tedious conversation and looked like he was stifling a rare yawn. "I'm just exhausted, Vector, excuse the lack of my usual verbal vigor."

Strange… no insult… he seemed more distracted and not at all himself.

"Snape…Severus, did he really…your mark, is it…"

"Yes," he responded with deadly calm.

"Severus, it is dangerous. Is there nothing you can do? Is it true what I heard?" Now I was being serious and grew more concerned as the atmosphere changed. I thought he would be bothered about what I had heard from some gossiping co-workers but he did not react.

"No, and yes I returned. And I will have to again," He informed me, sounding unconcerned and only slightly inconvenienced.

"Or…what?" I blurted out tactlessly, cutting him off. I waited for the retort. It was not forthcoming.

"I was summoned and so were the _others_ and I must go and offer my service," he said simply.

"Er…or…" I trailed off, prompting a decent answer from him at the very least.

He nodded solemnly. " Yes that…that which you were about to utter and decided against."

"And what is all this I heard about a mark?" I asked gently without making any eye contact with him whatsoever. I concentrated on my shoes.

"I hope you will not ask me to see it. I already showed the Headmaster and I will not show you or anyone else again so do not ask me." His tone was slightly warning.

"Foolish curiosity… like a muggle sideshow…" he spoke in a soft whisper, more to himself than me.

"Be careful." I felt sorry for him, and momentarily awed at his bravery. I could never do what they said he would do very soon. But even I refused to believe it. It was suicide and I was sure that Dumbledore would never ask so much of him. Nobody could fool Voldemort. Some people weren't even 100% sure that Snape had ever really turned, but still. Why did I feel safe around him now? Odd. This was likely the most candid he had ever been with me.

"I will." His voice was soft and barely a whisper.

And then he gazed up at me and his black eyes glimmered strangely. "Are you scared for me?" He sneered contemptuously, but I managed to feel that somehow his anger was not directed at me.

"Er…yeah…uh, I guess,somewhat…of course." I sounded like a complete dolt .

"Don't be." He snapped lazily. "…an utter waste of time and energy. What must be done, will be."

"But there isn't something more Dumbledore can do?" I always believed him to be omniscient, truly infallible. The only one he ever feared for sure. He knew everything, had all the answers, or did he?

He looked at me as if I were the biggest fool imaginable.

"You don't leave their ranks, Vector. It's quite impossible to just leave. I really wish you hadn't brought it up. I don't wish to speak of it just now. As I am sure you very well know, our staff has already weighed the potential risks of doing so, if they believed I would."

I shuddered. "Don't say that." I said through my teeth. His voice was chilling.

He appeared perturbed but slightly amused at my response. "Vector, I must face any possibilities. It would be foolish not to. And I am not a fool and now that is really quite enough," he said in lighter more dismissive tone.

"I will leave you some of the books I refused to let you borrow," he joked darkly, his lip curling at one side. I wanted to see what his eyes looked like but he had turned to the side and I couldn't see his face as his hair moved with him.

"How wonderful" I didn't find his sarcasm funny in the least.

"Go to sleep, silly girl, it is late." His words brushed off our exchange but his black eyes narrowed as he turned his head to face me once again.

"Good night, Snape."

"Vector," he nodded and turned around again, but over my shoulder I could see that he stood very still and waited and turned in my direction again as I walked back to my rooms.

And when I returned to my quarters I looked around. I checked my front door. Nothing. I glanced into my mail box. Nothing there either. I sat down on my bed and waited for the sharp rapping on my door that was usually Charon, Snape's owl, delivering blood lollipops and taking off before I could shout idle threats or launch an object of my choosing at him. He never came.

I believe the Honeydukes order has been cancelled. Well, for this week anyway.


	2. Chapter 2: A Sorcerer's Apprentice

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 2: A Sorcerer's Apprentice**

Question….

How can one be in love with a man that hates children?

And another question…how can one be in love with a man that hates himself?

Now I'm not saying that I am in love with Snape. I am just wondering if those things were possible in general. Er, not for me. I wouldn't say _in love_, but maybe something else.

I really did need to be admitted to St. Mungo's for even entertaining such thoughts. Merlin, I hate myself!

Ok, it was getting pretty bad, but maybe…Damn It! I kept trying to pretend it wasn't happening but there it was. And I couldn't tell anybody that _I wasn't sure but I think I fancied Snape_ because they would probably go right on ahead and book that room for me at St. Mungo's before I got around to it.

So to answer the one question…I guess one could be in love with someone that hated themself. I mean, I hate _myself_ because I am slightly attracted to Snape and I still think that deep down I am still a good sort. At least I didn't take my hatred out on anybody else but myself. No innocent people got hurt. Snape on the other hand hated everybody including himself and spent most of his free time and his working hours perfecting this.

And he especially hated Harry Potter. And I would not join him in any I-Hate-Potter pity parties or Harry Potter venting rants. I just let him go on and on in the dungeons on days when Potter had particularly irked him, and probably for no apparent reason at all.

When he paced his office, snarl in place, fists clutched tightly at his side, with spit flying as venomous words and insults abounded, I just sat in silence and watched; my mouth agape. I had tried an intervention once, a very long time ago, and he had told me to get the hell out of his office and not to come back. _Ever._

Ever lasted four hours after Dumbledore politely told him that he would resume his mentoring duties or he could always owl the young professor that he was thinking of hiring to replace a soon to be retired Muggle Studies professor even earlier than he had anticipated. He was a bright and handsome young lad that had previously worked at another wizarding school so he could always work with me and we could learn together and help each other out.

Snape had approached Dumbledore near the doors of the Great Hall in order to tell him he wished to be rid of me, so I overheard. I saw Snape's eyes shoot open which was rare and then an alarming sneer was in place as he whispered in a deathly quiet voice to the headmaster, "That will not be necessary."

But there were bigger problems than Snape hating himself, Potter, me and the entire wizarding world.

For instance, I had to watch my back. One slip, one indication that I was interested in him and it didn't bear thinking. And why was this? Because he was the Potions Master who just so happened to be in possession of a key and knowledge of very complicated spells that opened cupboards which housed the most lethal potions and ingredients that could make my life a living hell, kill me, or even embarrass me so that I would have to leave Scotland forever and never come back.

One such episode only occurred a week ago. I was in his office researching an antidote, with a pile of books on my lap and more sprawled out on the desk he actually allowed me to use for the day. He was pacing and cursing Potter and Longbottom and his toad, Trevor, over Merlin knew what. After awhile I just tuned out, he pressed on, and I took the books from my lap and placed them on the desk. My neck hurt. I had been looking down for hours so I didn't have to join in after awhile in the argument he was having with himself over Harry Potter. From time to time I just called out, "Yeah," "That's right," and a "You tell him," and he kept right on pacing.

I put a hand around the back of my neck and rubbed. I had to stop for a moment. I looked toward the ceiling quickly to stretch and so he didn't think I was rolling my eyes at him. I then yawned and put my chin on my hand and used the desk for support. I then studied him because he was still pacing and wouldn't notice. He almost never noticed what I was doing when he decided to go on a rant over Potter or when he was particularly mad at someone or something. I still can't believe I survived his Order of Merlin debacle years ago.

I looked at him and just thought his face was so interesting. Not handsome, it just had character. And then I brushed my hair out of my face and straightened up again because I had just thought how astounding his vocabulary was and how articulate he was too even when cursing out a child behind his back. And then I hated myself for that too. And I was just about to look at him again when I realized something. I hadn't noticed that the cursing had stopped and the clicking sound of his black boots as he paced the stone floor had ceased as well. That swishing noise that his black robes made as he paced…well, that had stopped too. He was looking at me and probably had been and I hadn't noticed because for a moment there I had spaced out, er, while thinking about him.

I caught my breath just in time and tried to relax my face.

"Vector, why were you staring at me?" He gazed at me curiously.

"I, er, I wasn't." I spat, showing my full disgust at the very idea. _Merlin, please, don't blush._

"Yes, you were. Only mere moments ago…." He said slowly and softly.

"No, I was _not._ I was reading and I took a break. Am I allowed to? Do you _mind?_" I turned the tables.

And then it hit me. I shot a quick glance at the large glass mirror on the other side of the room where he was pacing. He _had _seen.

_Shit._

"Vector, don't deny it. What seems to be the trouble, may I ask?" He asked carelessly but his eyes glimmered strangely.

"A crick." I threw up my hands and shrugged my shoulders and smiled innocently and perhaps a little like a crazy person.

He drew his black robes closer around him with both hands and took a few steps closer to the desk. The black boots making a clicking sound was the only thing I heard in the dungeons.

"Vector, what the hell are you talking about? What in Merlin's name is a crick? The insane are known to babble quite frequently they say, but I have worked with you so long that I can usually gather your meaning if need be."

"A crick in my neck…damn that hurts." I rubbed furiously at the back of my neck awkwardly, looking like a dolt as I fought to convince him of this.

"Ah… I see. Pity I don't believe you though," he threw out airily.

There was dead silence as he took a few more slow steps towards me. The only sound was that of a few jars with the disgusting contents floating in them. They rattled as he passed a warped wooden cabinet in which they rested.

I cringed and tried not to look over at them.

_Damn him!_ I would fight this crush to my last dying breath.

"Who said you had to?" I blurted out cheekily.

The expression on his face was now bland and unreadable.

"Whoops. It appears the headmaster has left an item in my office that I had borrowed and he was supposed to pick up. _Know _what it is Vector?" A black eyebrow raised and he had folded his arms over his chest as he appeared to wait patiently for my response.

_Your discharge papers from Azkaban…_ I wanted to say but caught myself just in time.

"Er, no," I shot back, rolling my eyes.

"It is a pensieve. I can just take my wand like so," he drew his wand so quickly and effortlessly from his robes that I blanched, "and place it near my forehead and say the incantation and retrieve the memory of my observation. Ingenius magic, is it not?" He held his wand and tapped it a few times gently to his other palm like a muggle hooligan waiting to pound someone with those baseball bat things.

"And what did you observe between cursing out a young boy?" I smiled sweetly but the words were tart.

"You…you were staring…at me." And now there was no mistaking that he was the one staring intensely at me.

"Are there drafts for those who become suddenly delusional? Tell me there is hope for you yet, Snape." I said briskly.

"No, but there are poisons that cause death and prevent liars from ever lying again," he sing-songed pleasantly, and that which he countered with would only be construed as a sort of joke if you knew him well enough.

"_You _are mad," I stated flippantly.

"_You_… are lying," he said softly.

"_No, _I am not."

"Why? Just admit to it. And then tell me why," The tone was becoming a bit cajoling as it tried to appear nonchalant. What wouldn't he just let it drop?

"Er, nothing," I offered dismissively. I forgot he never liked to be wrong. This wasn't going to drop.

"Or, there may be a reason that you are, er, not quite owning up to the truth." His voice was silky and he gave me a calculating gaze. He was not quite finished interrogating me yet.

"I…I do not think that our noble headmaster would approve of you using one of his possessions to coerce or intimidate one of his employees. Just wanted to point that out to you…before you reach for the _pen-cil_ thing," I warned him.

"Pensieve… Vector." His lips appeared to be fighting the urge to smile.

"Fine, pensieve, I think you should think twice before you do something that you will regret. Just saying…" I tried to use reverse psychology on him. Not sure that it worked though.

"How very right you are. I couldn't agree with you more, Vector," his voice was a caress yet the sarcasm was thick. "And I am so appreciative that you are, I guess one could say, looking out for my best interest?"

"I guess." I said between gritted teeth.

"Dumbledore would approve of such thoughtfulness. I should let him know…that all of my mentoring efforts were not entirely fruitless."

"Er, no." His teeth were starting to show slightly, meaning he was very amused.

"Vector, if only I had you backing me up when I meet with the Dark Lord. All would be right in the world, wouldn't it?"

"Er, happy to help…" Why did he have to mention him? My skin crawled. I suppose he thought it was funny. He really was a bloody moron.

I smiled haughtily. Maybe I had gotten out of it.

"But there are less noble ways, are there not?" And he took on a more grave and serious tone.

"There could be. Er, you would know…would you use them?" Now I was scared. What the hell was he talking about?

"I might, if I thought you were not telling me the truth…" he teased mercilessly.

"Why do you _care?_" I shouted.

"Why do _you?" _he raised his voice.

Silence.

"Ah, I just thought of something. There is always Veritaserum."

The chill swept over me. I may not have ever heard of that _pensieve _thing he was talking about, but I sure as hell knew what _that _was.

"Do we _really _need to go there?" I tried to remain calm and unconcerned.

"Perhaps, I suppose…though if you explained yourself properly perhaps not," he informed me.

"I have to go. I have been here for hours and this is quite enough," I rose to leave. I pointed my wand at the books, carefully making sure that they all fell into their original places before I heard about it from him later.

"Are you perchance…_hiding_ something, Vector?" He was mere inches from the desk now and he looked at me as though he would force something out of me.

"Bye. I forgot I have to check on my owl. He threw up this morning and wait…isn't it illegal to use…"

"…only on students…" He answered softly.

"Oh, right. I forgot." I threw my cloak over my shoulders and turned toward the door. He said nothing at first. You can't exactly hold an employee hostage until they talked, though Filch still dreamed of the day that the shackles could be utilized.

"Very well, but remember…there are other ways I can check for the truth that do not necessarily include Veritaserum. Good afternoon, Vector."


	3. Chapter 3: Defense Against a Dark Heart

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 3: Defense Against a Dark Heart**

Where in Merlin's name did the Headmaster get these ideas? Was it healthy to have hours at the Headmaster's Office to leisurely plan the destruction of your employees lives? Maybe there was something to Snape's aversion to what he called Dumbledore and the staff members' "dim-witted need to socialize."

Dumbledore told us at the last staff meeting that the staff would be observing their colleagues' classes in order to be exposed to other's teaching techniques. He hoped to encourage an atmosphere of collaboration and sharing ideas. Guess who I was chosen to observe? If I find out that selections were _chosen by random_ by the Sorting Hat much like the staff grab bag names, I would seek the hat out…and then seek employment outside of Hogwarts.

This…was really too much. Snape was filling in yet again for Defense Against the Dark Arts and it really was chilling. He liked…no he _loved _it. I had never seen him speak about a subject with so much reverence and love. He talked about it like he was talking about a woman. Not that he had been with anyone lately or quite possibly ever.

His tone was soft, almost sensual, in that attractive yet annoying wispy, but low and deep voice that emerged. And all because he was in his glory….He was with students he liked, Slytherins, in this particular double, they were terrified yet worshipped him, and I was bored and stuck here and he reveled in it.

The only reference I had ever heard was, believe it or not, from Peeves. And it was most unwelcome and startling. Whatever made him come up with such rubbish? I had walked to Snape's office one day, fearing that he would burst a blood vessel because I was already five minutes late, because this time my owl really had thrown up. I had almost approached Snape's office door when Peeves hovered over me in the corridor, stopped mid-air from completing an upside down twirl, and stared at me. He apparenlty had come out of nowhere.

"Oh, if it isn't Professor Snape's ickle bickle potions sweetie…"

"Knock it off Peeves. Or I'll…" I screeched at him, fearing that somebody or some student would hear.

"Ickle Bickle Potions Sweetie….Ickle Bickle Potions Sweetie…Ickle Bickle Potions…."

"What about the Baron?" I asked collectedly, thanking Merlin I thought quickly that day.

Peeves stopped. "I mean you, not the Baron."

"Can you prove it? I heard that something happened in the Astronomy Tower that he would not be pleased about if I told him," I threatened sweetly.

"Good afternoon, ma'am." He was gone in seconds. He needed to be evacuated. It was the only time Filch had an opinion that was warranted.

If he ever chanted in his shrill voice "ickle bickle potions sweetie" again…I would scream.

I mean, why even bring it up?

Me and Snape…it would never work.

And I knew it deep down as I watched Snape pace his classroom. His very presence terrifying the youth at Hogwarts as I noticed the liquid on the floor that could only be another student that had wet themselves and was too scared to go to the loo or even ask him at any rate.

First off, _usually _most people who wear the same clothes _all of the time_ are not quite frightening to most. His was the uniform of doom, which complimented the evil lair of doom he called his quarters quite nicely.

Every day I had seen him for years wearing the same clothing, and not that I was anticipating him to break out any wild color palette all of a sudeen, but really. I wasn't sure if it was the same clothing laundered, not laundered, or if he ordered the same articles in multiples of _oh, merlin, that's gross._ He was quite tall, I thought, as I tried to guess his shoe size and then another thought crossed my mind and I blushed furiously red and struck a palm to my forehead, which only garnered me a an inquisitive glare and the response…

"Professor Vector…has just struck herself in the face, which most people would do involuntarily while under the imperius curse by a knowledgeable caster. Perhaps someone in this class has caught on quicker than even I could anticipate. Well done. Moving right along…" The matter of fact tone was too much for me.

I would have loved to offer a saucy retort but I didn't trust myself. But the smooth sonofabitch segued into the next topic, while not making it obvious that he was watching me carefully, eyeing me with dawning curiosity of which the nature I knew not. Not a word out of place, completely unruffled, as he continued his lesson with precision and complete control over his classroom.

I hate him.

He wore the same black boots, polished, not too much of a sheen, that even as I stared at him trying to not make it obvious, were slowly circling around the front of the room after making his rounds. He was circling the students' desks in his classroom, very much like a shark circling its eventual prey before it strikes.

The black boots made a sinister clicking noise on the old stone floors as he took slow steps.

The black robes trailed to the floor very much like a dementor, with the only material or color in stark contrast, the peeping of the white cuffs and a bit of collar underneath his chin.

And his features… that was for another time. The complimented the gloom of his clothing, his rooms, and his personality. Today, I was just concentrating on his clothing. I had a schedule…I picked apart certain aspects of him on certain days. I had just come to this realization and I despised myself for it.

Just in the pursuit of trying to convice myself that this madness had to stop, but not ever quite reaching success.

I was interrupted for a brief moment as I watched the nervous students hanging on his every word. And a girl next to me looked at me with pity and offered a small reluctant smile, feeling sorry for me that he had picked on me.

Know what his last words were?

They were about, if I can paraphrase sheer lunacy, informing students about splinching during one of his too informative Defense Against the Dark Arts classes.

How is splinching an unsuspecting victim an art? He is disturbed…really he is.

And so am I, for having a very small, very miniscule crush on him.

It would _never _work. Forget the reverence and his prowess at Defense Against the Dark Arts or even other subjects for that matter. What about his occlumency skills? Quite frankly, who could keep up?

You can't! And I would just have to get used to that fact and accept that you cannot be with the Greatest Liar the Ever Lived, both in the muggle and wizarding worlds.

You cannot fool Lord Voldemort for long. Impossible. Yet he had. And if he can do that…what makes me think he would tell me the truth about anything in our relationship?

Not that I want a relationship with him… just saying.

I can see it now. It is hopeless. It is no use really. Why dwell on it at all?Why torture myself?

Because I was daft….t I would agree with him about that. He had been right about that as long as I have known him.

I could see the dialogue now…me confronting him… if we were romantically involved.

"_But Sev… (cringe) They told me.."_

"_By they… I am sure you are referring to Aurora Sinistra and her multiple personalities and no other parties? Am I correct, Septima?"_

"_Er, so what if I am?"_

"_As you were saying, my love…"_ (ok a stretch)

"_They, er, she… told me that they saw you with that blonde veela at Puddifoots, so why are you denying that you are cheating on me, Sev?"_ (cringe)

"_Why would I do that to you, Septima?"_

And that is my cue to yell _LIAR!_ shrilly and throw something at him which he would expertly block with a lazy flick of his wand with some complex shield charm that I would never dream of mastering

Good thinking! I will get over this very soon.

I would never be safe! Ever have peace of mind. You can't date the Greatest Liar in the Entire Wizarding World, the man that holds the title, very soon to be on a chocolate frog card, of Greatest Liar in a Century.

Honestly, the stress alone would kill me.


	4. Chapter 4: Looks Can Be Deceiving

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 4: Looks Can Be Deceiving**

Ok, I have a big problem here. I'm not handling this too well. I have the feeling that he suspects…_something._

Snape saw me look at him. I know it. Well, the bloody moron accused me of it, er, several times. And…oh, for Merlin's sake, for extended periods of time, first with that cruddy, cob-webbed mirror in his office. Is it me or do the elf housekeepers that clean Hogwarts avoid his classroom, office, and chambers? Not that I have been to his private chambers but it would naturally follow. And then he also saw me do it when I observed him today.

Even if he speaks to me… even if it is urgent school business… even if a Death Eater is chasing me and he is trying to tell me to get out of the way, I just can't look in his direction or make any eye contact with him ever again.

He is smart, very bright, shrewd, calculating and quick on the uptake to begin with. And now let's factor in that he is a great legilimans much like the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. Both of whom were his bosses.

I don't stand a chance!

But it's not really a big deal. I find legilimancy and occlumency odd. Can't do it anyway , but well, he is odd too, so it makes perfect sense that he would posses an instinctual affinity for this branch of magic.

Odd manners, odd skills,… odd looking.

And forget about his looks… I can pick them apart at a later date ….as I did yesterday

The fact remains that he is a Death Eater. He could very well still be one as well as just posing as one for Dumbledore and the Order.

So even if he isn't in actuality, he still _sort of_ is.

A dead end for me and a hopeless situation…

What is it like for the wives, fiancées, girlfriends, and dates of Death Eaters?

What is it like being a Death Eater moll?

Even something casual must be avoided. What if I did sleep with him?

_Disgusting _but still…

I have never seen that mark on the forearm of his left arm. But it was described in detail to me by Aurora Sinistra who walked into Dumbledore's office without knocking once and saw it, screamed, and ran out of the room shrieking.

Supposedly after she composed herself and realized she had acted like a complete idiot, she told me what happened. Dumbledore looked astonished and was most likely taken off guard by her screaming and Snape had just rolled his eyes and rolled his sleeve back down until she left. In all likelihood, hoping it could passively persuade her to resign from the Hogwarts choir where he felt her vocal contributions left much to be desired.

And it could happen if I were ever involved with him. I might sleep with him…

I would have to cuddle with him at night, er, after, ewwww…. and it would most likely be in his quarters, and perhaps just like his office, his bedroom had more of those jars with the disgusting jewel-toned contents floating in them. And I would have to look at them and him and his mark every single night!

Something that I just can't quite pinpoint compels me to believe that he might be a cuddler. Just saying…

And it may just so happen, if I were laying in his arms, my hair fanned out over his chest…his arms around me…me staring at the ugly black mark on his left forearm that I could have sworn stares back at you. Aurora showed me a picture from a book on the Death Eaters that was bravely and foolishly published about 10 years ago, by an author that disappeared without a trace and the Ministry had now just recently confirmed dead. It follows you if you look at it. And it is a skull, so it has bony sockets because skulls do not have eyes. Which I believe is worse than having creepy eyes looking at you.

So…not worth it! Not worth the trouble at all.

And they wear black, grandma-like dresses very much like Snape's long, billowing black robes. He takes them off at meal times in the Great Hall or when he is working at his desk or working over a cauldron, but it is really enough with them after awhile. And I still think her wears the same robes…_all of the time!_

Actually, if I convinced him that he looked dashing while he was conjuring a fire over a cauldron, they just might go on fire and put him out of commission for a few weeks. And if he was holed up at Pomfrey's, I wouldn't be able to stare at him.

Not that I would ever do that. Azkaban is unpleasant or so I have heard. Just my imagination running wild due to the insanity of being forced to work with Snape.

And I wonder why he is so bent out of shape that I stare at him?

Self-conscious, a tad? Was he picked on? I heard he was constantly at odds with Potter's father and is still at odds with Sirius and Lupin. They bicker like adolescent girls at our Order meetings, which only ends with someone drawing their wand first and then another one following suit. Not Lupin though. He is far more mature and even-tempered. No, forget that, adolescent girls may bring up a valid point from time to time. What I have witnessed is far worse.

Perhaps I will never know the real reason. Snape is a brilliant occlumens, which is another sick and strange art.

So what are the requirements of a Death Eater moll?

Were they all beautiful perhaps…but mental and homicidal? It was obvious the Narcissa Malfoy was still lovely and that Bellatrix Lestrange had once been very beautiful, though Azkaban had taken a toll on her looks _and _her mental state.

I would never fit the bill. Brilliant!

Nothing to worry about.


	5. Chapter 5: Rows With a Confirmed Death E

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 5: Rows with a Confirmed Death Eater**

I should be happy, truly ecstatic, over the moon, and considering I wasn't Greyback that was a good thing. I had avoided Snape for an entire day. I had taught my classes yesterday, slept in, instead of having breakfast in the Great Hall, worked through lunch, and went to dinner with Aurora Sinistra in Diagon Alley.

But I can't do that the rest of my career at Hogwarts. It was a beautiful day though. I call it…"taking a mental health day" out of necessity. Er, from Snape.

Some of the staff asked me where I was yesterday for mealtimes. I told them what I did: slept in, worked though lunch, and third, dinner with Aurora. The responses back were chuckles or "Good for you's" yet they noticed that after a nice day I still appeared crestfallen. But when some of them passed my door on the way to somewhere and saw the unopened parcels lining up in front of the doors to my office…they knew. Snape and his owl had struck again.

Snape's blood lollipop delivery to my doorstep had resumed.

But when life gives you lemons, they say you should make lemonade. I really needed to talk to the Headmaster about starting a foundation. I wondered if he knew any starving vampires in the Forbidden Forest that I could send the 40 unopened boxes of blood lollipops too. Shame to throw them away…I mean, creatures of the night needed to survive too, I suppose. I would talk to Hagrid at the quidditch game this weekend and ask him then. He most likely knew the lot of them.

I was beginning to wonder if the bloody moron wanted me to seek him out, to rage at him like an unhinged lunatic, perhaps?

Well, it happened…sort of.

I was standing in the hallway with Aurora Sinistra, when I saw him approaching from a corridor. Actually, I saw the black robes flowing as he walked towards where we stood. I marveled that he could turn a corner so fast, yet his hair moved into his eyes and he didn't even notice.

It _had been _a lovely 24 hours. Alas…

"Vector…" he said silkily as he approached where I stood near the Transfiguration office. I needed to speak to McGongall because there was a quidditch game on Saturday, and we usually sat with her, Sprout, Flitwick, and Hagrid and chatted about the match, and then headed out to a pub for drinks afterwards. Her office and classroom was nowhere near the dungeons and he usually avoided all floors of Hogwarts unless he had an ironclad reason for gracing them. It was a relief to most. Surprising…

I rolled my eyes in exaggeration as he approached and said nothing. I just wanted to demonstrate that I loathe him. No words necessary. Unfortunately, as he drew closer to me after drawling, "Vector" in a soft, low, er, attractive voice, I might just have turned a little pink and then lost my reserve hoping he hadn't noticed.

The side of his lip curved up a bit, but his smooth, bland expression conveyed absolutely nothing.

Good. Because I had made up my mind yesterday that this crush was OVER…it would die a lackluster, dishonorable death, er, much like a Death Eater would.

He completely ignored Aurora and said not a word of greeting. Well, he didn't great me either. I don't think that calling you by your surname as they do in the muggle military counts really.

He still held a grudge against Sinistra because he felt her singing was deplorable and a disgrace to the impeccable tradition of the nearly 1000 year old Hogwarts Choir.

"Might I have a word with you?" His eyes bore into mine and I turned my head. Just in case he drugged me at a later date and tried to steal my memory of staring at him, so he could borrow, uh, steal the Headmaster's pencil, er, pernsieve thing and prove me wrong. I took a step back and then realized that it was fine. I just had to make sure his wand didn't touch my head, or however the hell he and Dumbledore did that stuff.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No," he dead-panned softly.

"I guess." I appared non-plussed.

He turned towards Aurora and gave her a nasty look which told her she was not privy to this conversation or maybe not to interfere. Not sure which. She gulped at the expression on his face and took a few steps back and then pretended not to listen as she studied a statue of Godric Gryffindor outside of McGonagall's office.

"So, are you going to tell me _why_ you were staring at me, Vector?" He took me in with an intensity that made me break eye contact instantly and throw up my hands to distract him…and to compose myself. The look was unseemly.

"Why are you bringing this up? _Again?" _ I was shocked. Why would he not let this drop?

"Entirely an unfinished discussion one would think," he said smoothly.

"I thought it was finished, and if you didn't, let me tell you… _know _that I just finished it," I chirped.

"You thought wrong and no, you did not, because I have not agreed to finish it." The tone was petty and a bit smarmy, if you ask me.

"Guess what?" I offered brightly.

"What, Vector?" He rolled his eyes with an air of annoyance this time.

"I just did." I informed him gleefully. The sarcasm was so thick it had to be like a slap in the face.

I noticed from the corner of my eye that Aurora was quietly listening in and that her jaw had just dropped. And then it rapidly closed because her fear of being discovered by him was far greater.

"I believe you are wrong." He tried to sound offhand but I knew I had rankled him.

_Good._

"Believe away…" I waved my hands in the air for effect, " …and I have just come to a conclusion, Snape."

"That being? " The mocking eyebrow had now risen. "Quite impressive on your part, that you have come to any thought process at all, quite an achievement, Vector."

And then I said the words… on my own recognizance… knowing full well what the effect would be. However, I could not stop myself.

"You _had _to have been staring at me to think incorrectly, I might add, that I was staring at you."

"No I was not_." His_ jaw dropped and his pale cheeks burned red. "Really, Vector, you are fooling yourself if that thought has apparently crossed your mind." 

"I believe you were." I toyed with him. But now I was scared.

"I… was… _not_." His nostrils flared and his teeth were bared.

Never a good sign…ok, now I was worried. I am not sure I had ever seen him react like this. So, confirming his assertion that I was out of my mind, I pressed onward.

"Hmmm…probably for a long time if you thought I was." My expression was overtly pensive.

"You are deluded, Vector."

I could see him withdraw. It happened so fast I was awestruck. The strutting bat that had approached me was now singing a very different tune. Perhaps just as…er, like Aurora. I loved my friend. I just believed that Aurora needed some more time and a little more practice and in no time at all… Celestina Warbeck…Look Out!

He turned from me, the hem of his dark robes floating out and twirling with him. And I believed he was cursing me under his breath as he put himself in what appeared to be an adult time out.

"Foul…unstable hag…really…"

Now I was frightened and a bit sorry for him. Had I gone too far? I knew he was an awkward fool. Had I just preyed upon that? _Damn it._ I felt bad. And his retracting was _appealing._ Damn it, I was mental too. So, the only way out was to be even more foul and mental. I kept going.

_Too late to turn back now…_

"A foul…uh, hag… that you are so concerned…whether I was staring at you or not. Very illogical."

"You were staring at me. That has been established. Now I ask you, _why_?" He looked rattled now. What the hell was wrong with him?

"I was…._not," _I shouted through my teeth.

I saw the wheels turning in his head. He may be many things, besides the terrible ones. He was a smart, calculating, sly…er, very perceptive moron.

"Are you not an arithmancer? Have you not made a dubious living previously breaking intricate curses?"

"Why yes."

And his evil smile curdled my blood. "Then who is to say that you cannot cast them on suspecting victims then? You must be observing me for some sordid reason, I would think."

"That's rubbish and you know it, Severus." My mouth formed an "o." What the hell was he playing it? He _was_ a nutter. An unsociable recluse with too much time on his hands….what in Merlin's name was wrong with him?

"I am being overly cautious then Vector." But his eyes blinked when I didn't call him "_Snape."_

"You are being mental. Why would I curse you? Your bad attitude is a curse in itself. And you don't know as much as I do regarding that particular branch of magic anyway."

"How regrettably disappointing… _Septima. _Arithmancy…is about as useful as Gilderoy Lockhart's nonsense. Oh, dear how forgetful of me. He can't actually perform any magic. Pity."

I folded my arms to show I had had enough and looked at him quickly to ask if he was done. He just tried to give me another unbreakable stare, so I blinked. He smirked as if in frustration.

Well, at the very least he admitted that I had the capability to perform magic.

" And furthermore, why slap your head? The Slytherins present during that class period think you are raving."

"Good, _join my ranks_… now that is _two _professors that they think are raving. _That_ is a pity. Anyway I struck myself in exasperation. Just so you know…your classs…what is the muggle expression… _sucks."_

"Oh really miss, you can do better? Truly, articulate and elaborate vocabulary for a tenured professor…most unfortunate." He was really angry now. The sarcasm dripped venomously from a downturned mouth.

"You may be talented, Snape, but I can hand your ass to you with the complicated math that arithmancy requires, and I _was _a curse breaker at Gringotts. You would have exploded in front of a cursed pyramid by now and I would have had to hand in my resignation papers if you actually had to do anything _in my line of work_ at Hogwarts, because Filch would have had to clean the pieces of you up and had quite a rough day and he most likely would have chased me out of Hogwarts with a pitchfork and that dreadful cat."

I _was_ raving. I had just gone on an embarrassing tirade. Where had _that _come from?

"Fascinating scenario… I have 10 years or more over you." He had considerable color in his face. That was a first. Oh, Merlin he was right pissed. And then he took a threatening step towards me. "And that is just pertaining to instruction. Outside of work, is another matter entirely."

He had just verbally gotten his ass handed to him. Why did I not feel quite the victor? Because Merlin knew I didn't want to hear what he did on Voldemort's watch. My skin crawled. I just, er, ignored that part.

"Years of countless tears, students wetting their pants in fear, and for your information, it happened again when I was in there. Guess what? Two rows from the left and the third seat down…not a spilled potion I can tell you. And, let's not leave out the desperate care packages sent from Honeydukes by parents fearing for their children's emotional scarring because of you."

It was _years _of frustrationbuilding up, I told myself. He does deserve it.

Aurora put a hand to her mouth and he shot a glare at her as if he would hex it off. She turned away rapidly.

"You are mad, Vector. " The voice was cold but his face was twisted in rage.

"So are you and I am sick of you and your nonsense and insinuations."

His dark eyes glimmered maliciously, but were penetrating. "What am I insinuating, Vector?" He watched me carefully.

I said nothing for several seconds and finally and for some reason he did let it drop.

"Fine with me and I will avoid you in future," he said in a cool voice, but it was seared with seething white hot anger in essence.

"Splendid, you bloody moron…and I would suggest that you keep to your word."

"Oh, I will you depraved hag …" it sounded so childish. Ok, forget the cool and composed part. He couldn't sustain it for long after this.

This was the end of my crush. No denying that he truly hated me. Truly…and that it was over.

"I'd watch your pumpkin juice if I were you…" he said in a dangerous and menacing tone. Would Azkaban convict based on hearsay? No wait, Aurora was nearby but she was pacing down the corridor. Why when I needed her most? I really couldn't deal with his childish threats.

No matter. Flitwick and McGonagall opened her office door and joined us outside. By the looks on their faces they just might have heard the entire heated exchange.

Snape looked horrified and I, well …I was too.

"Is that a threat?" I yelled louder. "Ooh… really scared…your face I should watch, er, not my juice, you miserable beast. And I'll be watching my juice… not _staring at you_, you delusional jackass."

He gave me a look that said it took all of his control and power not to retort, or worse, and then he nodded at the two professors. He turned abruptly on his heel and swept off… as all creatures of the night do, in a sea of black robe. I had to admit he looked incredible doing it. He always did have presence. It was a turn on.

I really needed to book that room at St. Mungo's…immediately. Tomorrow I would owl out sick.

Minerva and Filius looked at me and said nothing.

"Would you… believe… that he accused me of staring at him?" I shrieked. I was an awkward dolt. _And why the hell had I just told them that?_

"Not against wizarding law…" stated Flitwick.

"Oh, yes, right." I stalked off to lick my wounds. Aurora looked at them and followed after me, nearly toppling the statue in her wake.

"The poor girl… always bothering her," tutted Flitwick.

"Between you and me… I always thought our Severus had a little crush on her…" she offered a small smile.

"As did I. A terrible way of showing it though…"

"Yes, quite the same finesse as the third year boys…if it were true."

"Still, she shouldn't do that." He looked so slightly concerned and something else, as he looked in the corridor as if the two parties were still arguing. "What if he is still with You-Know-Who… and she makes him angry? I worry about that."

"Yes, I will talk to her."

"She should just ignore him when he gets like that."

"She's tried. He really has it out for her…almost as bad as his rivalry with Lockhart," whispered McGonagall. "We have known Severus since he was a boy and he was never one to control his emotions."


	6. Chapter 6: Playing With Fired

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 6: Playing With Fired**

My eyes fluttered open. _Friday._ I did not have to get up. I had owled out sick. It was one of those Fridays that were glorious. Warm yet with a slight chill; the breeze lapping at the curtains in my bedroom. I was ready to start off the weekend early.

I stretched lazily and then settled back onto the huge Hogwarts fluffy pillows. They were nearly half my size really. Well, I was short. Snape always alluded to possible goblin blood in my family line being a factor.

_Bloody moron! _

The elves were magnificent. I had tried to give them little treats to show my appreciation. But really a pat on the head and kind words from me seemed to work more often. A little kindness and they went out of their way for you. They were so sweet and I genuinely adored them.

But I had a hard time finding out what they liked. I could never give them anything made out of cloth in case it turned out that it was something that was apparel. I had left them treats from Honeydukes but they had just arranged them in elaborate formations in crystal bowls in my office. They were now so painstakingly intricate I was afraid to touch them. It had to be a lot of effort. It was a shame that only vampires and hags ate blood lollipops, because if elves liked them I could have left them like 10 a day and still had boxes left over from Snape. What a waste! It was why Snape now forced me to look into a vampire donation foundation. Perhaps I could get them a case of butterbeer? Dobby could not tell Winky about them though. That was my only concern. She was getting better though. Slightly perhaps. I had requested that she help me; take her mind off things. She was fine with me, and I think I was growing on her. Dobby had broken out in a wide grin when he told me.

I raised my arms over my head for another stretch. The sheets were soft and cool, my comforter warm and appealing, and I thought about asking my friend, Aurora, out for lunch and some shopping in Hogsmeade, later in the evening. There was a warm cider somewhere out there with my name on it. But first, a little extra snuggle time in my four post bed.

I thought about the list I had made and what I would need to purchase in Hogsmeade. Some books, a new blue cloak, and definitely a new nightgown. I had an old one I loved that even the elves couldn't darn anymore. I had bought another one, the one I was wearing, but I was very self-conscious about it. The only style in my size they had in Malkins other store that had sleepwear and lingerie was my usual white, but the front dipped a little too low. It was fine because only I was privy to it when I donned it every night before sleep, and I had a dressing gown or robe that I could put over it if anyone knocked so that I was presentable. Still not as comfy as my old one though.

But it was 6 in the morning. There was still time to think about it. I closed my eyes and settled back more deeply into the pillows. I closed my eyes and felt sleepy again.

_Still time…(yawn)…for me…perhaps that new…robe…(yawn)…_

**CLANG….CLANG…CLAN…**

_What the? _

My eyes flew open.

**CLANG…CLANG…**

_Merlin's beard…it was the bells…a fire drill? On a bloody Friday at 6?_

_Dear Merlin…Dumbledore never held them this early or at the end of the week. It must be a real fire then!_

I panicked. We always knew when there would be a drill because he told us before classes, but we never told the students so they would fall into line as if it were real.

I dashed out of bed and paced aimlessly as I thought about what I should do.

I accioed my wand from my nightstand and remembered my owl was with Hagrid because it really threw up and had an unsettled stomach. He always had just the thing to help any creature, even the mortally perilous ones. As I found out when I dropped Guinevere off and nearly lost my arm to a scorpion-looking thing, as large as Sirius Black's animagus form, that spat fire, er, or it came from some orifice I had not identified correctly then.

I threw on my slippers and looked for a band so I could tie my long hair back. Missing. The elves had given my room a thorough cleaning the night before so it was probably neatly organized and where is should be. And that place escaped me at the moment.

Well, my robe then. I ran to a chair. It wasn't there. I ran to a wardrobe. Not there either. And then I saw the note…

**Hogwarts Laundry Services. **

**Dressing Gown – White**

**Robe (Sleepwear) – Royal Blue**

**Returned to Miss Septima Vector, Arithmancy Professor – 12 noon - Saturday**

And then I realized that I had a choice. I could be decent and dead, burned to a crisp and resembling the Dark Lord at the regeneration ceremony as I had heard accounts of… or survive.

I chose to survive.

_**The Hogwarts Grounds…Five Minutes Later…**_

The warm day was not as warm as I thought. It was freezing out. I shivered in the early morning air, noticing that as I crossed my arms over my chest, the front of my nightgown dipped further.

Well, at least I was the only one present. Which after the thought gave me a moment of relief, I panicked again.

_Where was everybody?_

I shuffled in my slippers that now had bright green grass stains to the next entrance that was several very long yards away. And then I saw them…the rest of the staff.

And they looked just as confused as I was.

I grabbed at the front of my nightgown again, also, noticing that it was a bit thinner and sheerer in outdoor lighting than indoor.

_Did you want to be carried out looking like the Dark Lord? _I asked myself. _Get over it then!_

My long hair blew about in the breeze. It kept flying around my face as I struggled to keep it away and hold up the front of my gown. My wand was between my teeth and I knew I looked ridiculous.

My slipper got caught in a spot of mud, but I made my way over to the staff. The wand now back in my hand, but I was still clutching at my gown, and brushing at my flyaway hair.

McGonagall was standing there wide awake with a steely look in her eyes. She seemed very alert, though her long hair was down and she wore a long tartan dressing gown.

Flitwick had on striped pajamas and a long robe. A night cap was perched jauntily on his head. I noticed the big fluffy cotton ball at the end that was far too big. It was cute though.

Sprout looked around sleepily. She had on long old-maidish robes and she kept patting her hair because she had huge rollers, as wide as butterbeer bottles would tightly on her head, with a very thick black hair net.

And a few feet behind them in rows were the students of their Houses. They were being counted by Head Boys and Girls, according to House, and bullied into keeping a straight line by prefects as they looked around stupid with sleep. Several rather loud yawns were heard and several students rubbed at their eyes.

The first years were funny…almost like babies. They looked miserable and cranky and only wished to return to bed.

And then oddly enough, they began to point, and then I heard trills of laughter, and then I turned and saw Aurora, whose whereabouts I was just about to ask of the other staff, before we all got distracted by the cold and the students and wondering where Dumbledore and Snape was.

Aurora was wide-eyed and walked over sheepishly. The Heads threatened in low voices that the students should keep quiet and stop the laughter as befitted a fire drill.

I had been worried about my gown. I had had nothing to fear.

_Poor Aurora….dear Merlin…poor Aurora. _

I closed my eyes and felt for her.

Aurora had apparently also been sleeping. She reached our circle but her sleepwear was visible before she reached us, due to the very loud and very garish pastel shades of her Gilderoy Lockhart sleep wear. And the yellow slippers that were, I gather, supposed to resemble his wavy blonde hair.

Clutched tightly under one arm was a stuffed yeti doll that could only be from the Gilderoy Lockhart line of plush toys that I had seen in a children's toy store in Diagon Alley.

She joined our number and we asked about her health and said nothing. I sidled over to her and gave her a sympathetic look and squeezed her hand. I noticed the others trying with all their might not to comment or look at her.

"Where is your owl?" I asked changing the unspoken subject. It was the yeti…er, elephant in the Hogwarts grounds.

"She was evacuated with the rest of the owlery. Gilderoya tried…she really did. My sweet…Gildie. She flew to me in my rooms to warn me. I was perhaps too harsh with her. I told her not to do that again. She may harm herself looking for me. She is to go and save herself. She didn't seem to agree with me though, my sweet baby…er, did you know it was laundry day?"

"No, I just found out." I looked down at my gown and tried to lift the front again.

"Oh, I see," she blushed red and looked away quickly.

_How low or sheer was it?_

I was worried again.

And then we saw a silver and blue blur gliding over to us, smoothly and with a confident gait. His very tall frame still moved elegantly with age.

It was Professor Dumbledore.

"Not to worry…a false alarm. Apparently it came from the dungeons…."

We all glanced over at each other yet said nothing.

_Where was Snape?_

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled mischievously and somehow I knew he enjoyed the absurdity of it all. We looked miserable and he always made cheerful attempts to break the ice during these times.

"Well, until this debacle…did everyone sleep well?" he asked pleasantly.

"Yes," we said miserably and in unison.

"So wonderful to hear it," he replied ever so politely." He smiled genially and rocked on the balls of his feet, nodding at McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout.

He fixed his gaze on Aurora.

"My very dear Astronomy professor, Have I ever told you how effervescently sweet and charming you are?

It was his attempt to make her feel better about her choice of sleepwear. He _was _a darling. He tried. It never wavered.

She blushed and felt a bit better. "Thank you, sir." She looked at him gratefully.

"And my dear Miss Vector…our beautiful and bright Arithmancy professor…I have been told that you have been very sweet to the elf Winky. Could anyone be more dear? The poor thing is getting along I hear. I wish to commend you on it. Why myself and the elves have tried everything to appeal to her. And I believe there are extra funds if you wish something for your classroom," he gave me a smile so warm that I was taken aback. The light blue eyes danced behind the comforting spectacles.

I smiled at him and gripped my gown. The staff smiled too. He had just offered everyone extra supplies to be covered by him but I had avoided the Great Hall for two days so he had yet to tell me. However, I had a feeling that I might get a few galleons extra. _So generous_…I mentally planned what I needed for the students.

"Are you feeling better, my dear?"

And then I turned a violent shade of red. I had forgotten to act sick. I gave a few rather raspy coughs and when I was satisfied that I sounded like a dementor, I stopped.

"Took something…(cough) from Pomfrey…dratted cold, sir…(cough)…"

"Yes. It happens from time to time. Colds and _such_ can be a nuisance, but they go away."

He winked at me. Did he know it was because of Snape? I knew he wasn't mad because I never called out, but I liked him so much I still felt guilty and childish.

Everyone looked at me because the fact that I owled out was news to them. I _never _did.

I avoided the looks that Aurora, Minerva, and Filius gave me. They suspected Snape as well.

"Ah, here is our revered Potions Master now," announced Dumbledore airily.

We all looked over to a lower entrance to the castle that was where the dungeons were located. The black blur was striding purposefully over to us.

It _was _Snape.

**To Be Continued…**


	7. Chapter 7: Legilimancy & Reverse Psychop

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 7: Legilimancy & Reverse Psychopathy**

I have never been so humiliated in my life!

I can't even think about what occurred yesterday. I tried. I just cover my face in my hands and cringe. Repeatedly.

Perhaps I can try to face it tomorrow and think on it?

What the hell happened at that drill? Was it even a drill?

I wished never to see Snape again. But of course, our tactless Headmaster made me go off to the dungeons to tell Snape that Harry Potter must leave the dungeons and meet with him.

Ran into me on the way to the Headmaster's office…my arse! Everyone else otherwise engaged…right!

And I couldn't exactly tell Dumbledore "no" after he caught me at the suspiciously unplanned fire drill in very good health after I called out sick. And he offered a budget increase to pay for arithmancy supplies.

When I yelled at Snape…there was no denying that I was not on my death bed…though I was outside on the Hogwarts grounds in a nightgown that by all accounts left little to the imagination.

I can never face the staff again. Or the students for that matter.

According to Snape, one didn't require an imagination…because all was visible.

The artless wretch! Could he at least _pretend _he wasn't looking?

Bloody moron!

Er_, really! _

_So _unappealing to me….I might add…

Right. So…

And if this was what he believed was the smooth way to converse with women, no wonder he was a male old maid! Very tactful…the nerve!

But…perhaps I had done my service to Dumbledore and the cause in some small way? Snape might just have seen a woman scantily clad, by all accounts, and perhaps it had boosted his morale a bit and had urged him to work even more arduously for the Order.

Dear Merlin…

In fact, though I tried to cough raspily much like I assumed a dementor would, that was definitely cancelled out after the way I yelled at Snape.

Much more like a banshee than a dementor actually.

Or so I thought.

Something peculiar was going on though.

I had looked at Dumbledore as if he was insane. First, he could have asked anyone else, even a ghost for that matter, to fetch Potter from Snape's office. Second, what was Potter doing on a Saturday with no classes in Snape's office? And third, I knew Dumbledore could have called him out of the damned fireplace himself…knowing I was mortified from yesterday?

Was he trying to make me mental?

I went down to the dungeons and cringed when I realized that I entered the office without knocking. And, of course, Snape was the last person I wished to see.

The sight that met my eyes had er, momentarily made me forget myself, my sheer nightgown debacle, Snape's probing eyes from yesterday, and the Snape protocol that we all followed before we entered his office, uh, without an appointment.

Harry Potter was on the ground keening and clutching his scar. Snape was behind his desk, his wand raised and aimed menacingly at Potter, whom did I mention, was in a fetal position on the hard, cold, stone floor of the dungeons? Harry was begging Snape to stop. Er, whatever the hell in Merlin's beard he did to him.

Now I had a few students who irked me relentlessly, but how the hell did this bloody moron earn and retain a teaching license? Didn't Dumbledore evaluate him once a year at least? Was that when Snape gave out treats or coloring books, thus retaining his employment? The dementors, not me faking a head cold, should be on their way immediately to arrest him after what I just witnessed.

I just realized that I curse much too frequently. Well, the sonofabitch makes me say "hell" a lot more than I ever did.

"For Merlin's sake, would you put the wand down? Mr. Potter, are you all right?" I shrieked nervously and sprinted toward the spot where Potter lay face down and doubled over.

"Yes." Harry got off the floor and offered me a weak smile.

"Why are you here? What is going on?" I looked at Snape in shock as I addressed Harry Potter wild-eyed.

"Remedial….er…potions….Professor Vector."

"Harry, don't be afraid. You do not have to er, not tell the truth. I will speak with the Headmaster….about this." I shot Snape a filthy look as I lay a hand on Harry's back. Snape just _rolled his eyes_ and said nothing.

And I had _had _a crush on him? How insane!

"No, Professor. Professor Dumbledore knows why I am here. He arranged for extra lessons and he knows all about it."

"Potter, he sent me down here to fetch you. You need to go to his office right away…and I will ask him about this. Harry," I whispered," he won't get away with this." I looked at him in disbelief. The poor thing probably thought he'd get detention from Snape.

What an evil louse!

"Yes, Professor, er, thank you." Harry made his escape but looked reluctant to go and had the nerve to look at me with sympathy as if I were daft.

Odd. I was missing something here…

Snape seemed disappointed and his lip curled in annoyance. Merlin knows he was about to _kill _Potter before I intruded.

But apparently everyone thought _I _was daft!

Er, he had supposedly tried before to harm Potter but was unsuccessful.

What would he do to me _now_ for revenge?

Shudder to think.

Did I mention that he looked awfully sexy today?

St. Mungo's...St. Mungo's...sounded awfully like a good idea...

"What were you doing with, er, to Potter?" I turned on him. I knew he hated children but I had never witnessed such a display.

I would deal with his psychosis. Er, then mine.

"I am working with him on Dumbledore's orders," he replied smoothly.

"Right…Dumbledore's orders…_that's _a lie." I scoffed. "Should I remind you that you just… HEXED A STUDENT?"

"It's true. I am trying to the best of my ability and with his hopeless lack thereof, to instruct him in occlumency, and to do that I need to perform legilimancy on him. If it is any of your business…" He said slowly and smoothly.

"Oh." I had heard Sirius Black rant about something to this effect and how Snape would get his arse kicked in if he abused his power with his godson a few Order meetings ago.

They were all mental. Well, so was I at any rate.

"Er, you can do that? Legilimancy?" I played dumb. I knew he could. I just wanted it confirmed because I had feared that he might use it on me, and perhaps even had attempted it a few times before I had sense enough to look away from him.

Also, that this _occurrency _magic nonsense that he just did to Potter was just as crazy as that _pencil_ thing he used.

I mean pensieve.

"Very well, in fact…I taught myself," he said, very full of himself.

So unattractive when he gloated…anyway.

"Good for you. It's odd. Er, you mean…" I gulped, "that if one looks at you they can tell what you are thinking?"

"Precisely, and it is said that I am one of the best at this particular skill. Though I do not claim to have said that myself."

Oh…_dear_ Merlin. Resignation papers were soon to be forwarded, because it is one thing to know about it and be able to do it, but another thing to be expert in it.

Once in a while we made eye contact. I mean you can't work and stare at the wall behind him all the time. What if when he smirked and looked about to smile he was reading my thoughts? And who wants to look at those jars with the contents in them? Anyhow…

What if I had an, er, amorous thought about him and he knew? Not that I would ever…but just in case?

I would die… just _die!_

And throw myself in the lake with the giant squid. But it saves people… and lends a tentacle to heave them out. Those Creevey boys _were _nutters!

"So I am very good at interpreting what people are thinking. A highly useful skill, Vector, in my line of work, and for other matters as well." His words were calm.

"Really?" I breathed. Not sure my acting was up to par.

"For instance, I can find out for myself why you are compelled to stare at me like an insane person. Really unnerving, Vector…wish you would stop." His voice trailed but he wouldn't meet my eyes.

Was he amused?

"You would, er, do that?" I gulped and tried to appear calm. And then I panicked, because I forgot to yell out and act appalled that I had just been falsely accused of staring at him again.

I hadn't a shot in hell. I just wasn't as good at lying and duplicity as him. Nobody was…

"No." he said softly.

Er, what?

"Why the change of heart… Snape?" Was I a dolt? He was prepared to drop it? Why did I just continue the discussion? I was mad, really, I was.

"I don't wish to force if from you, though I could if I desired to." He stated plainly.

"Why is that? You test my patience, my will, my sanity…" I offered.

Then it occurred to me that he had said it in a very kind manner and shockingly so. It was stated in a very matter of fact tone. ..very odd…Merlin what was he up to?

"Because I believe you will tell me…in time." And he looked at me.

"I can tell you now, believe me, no surprises here. No need to wait." I blurted out.

I believed he paid very close attention. Was listening carefully, but pretended he wasn't.

I soldiered on.

"You are scary, and anyone with half a brain would watch what you are up to. I guard my pumpkin juice as you very well know after repeated threats." I looked at him as if he was nuts.

"Suggestions on my part, more like."

"Whatever, you are mad!" And I folded my arms and kicked at a stone that I had noticed on the floor where I kept looking for several seconds as I rocked on the soles of my boots.

"Ah, work for the Order, is that what you were about to say? In case my Death Eater tendencies are awakened?" The tone was mocking and much more like him.

"Er,yes." I lied. "Exactly so."

"Well, now it is very clear to me I shall never ask you again. No need."

"Really?" I tried to conceal my joy. Then I folded my arms again, deciding that if I tried to act difficult I may escape his interrogation.

"Yes, well, because, Vector …I _know._"

"You know what?" I glanced at him quite puzzled. My arms dropped to my sides.

"I just…_know."_

Silence.

I looked back down at the floor and the stone that hadn't gone very far.

"Er, what do you know?" I asked innocently, not daring to look up.

He may be an expert legilimans, but he needed my two dark blue eyes to do his work, and they would not be participating this day.

"I am afraid I will not get into that right now."

"What do you _know?"_ Was it me or did I sound a bit needling?

And had I just foiled my own escape plans?

Dammit…how had they ever agreed to let me in the Order?

"I know what you were thinking about… me." And his face wore a very innocent expression and a very unreadable one.

I know I turned white because I could feel the blood draining from my face and rushing to my brain.

He walked over to me and paced almost in a circle around where I stood. I felt as if I was afraid to move, frozen on the spot, in ,er, fear of being found out. He was so near to me that I could feel the warmth of someone being so close.

Oh, Merlin…alas, I was weak…

"I know about your…mortification about the nightgown…that you hate my teaching methods, though they reap results…and that you apparently dislike me, quite a bit, in the last few days."

"You are correct. Er, couldn't agree with you more. Well, all except the part about you being an effective teacher."

"I will ignore that part for now…but…" he drawled softly.

Merlin, I hate when he does that. I know he is about to say something…oh, I don't know…HORRIBLE…when he says that…._but._

"I believe I saw something else when you thought you turned quick enough, Vector."

"What is that?" My eyes widened and then I lowered them, ready to kick myself.

"I haven't the time now, Vector. I have to go. I have a…meeting." The honeyed yet menacing voice was offhand.

"What? You can't go now?" I truly was a dolt.

"Let's just say it was enlightening, intriguing, and would explain… a lot, and that the Dark Lord will not excuse my tardiness because you wish to chitchat."

I believe the sonofabitch was trying not to smile. Could be wrong.

"Well what is it?" Let the Dark Lord wait. He did nothing all day anyway. Well, except plan who he'd kill next, but he enjoyed that… so I believe it doesn't count. Not exactly toiling…

Snape walked very slowly over to me and I backed up and then cursed inwardly, because I realized there was a stone wall there, yet he didn't hesitate or blink. He just moved closer to me. I was backed into a wall and he just continued to move in closer until his face was inches from mine. His dark, cold eyes met my blue, fearful, and apprehensive ones, and locked .

H e leaned in a bit closer, his mouth an inch from mine, and said in a breathily low and, I must admit, an endearingly seductive voice…

"As a matter of fact…I have several sets of black robes. I just had these laundered and returned to me yesterday. Thought you should know… should you ever wonder again."

He slowly backed away from me. Mouth first, than face, and then the rest of him…

And he was trying with all his might not to laugh. And I know this because the side of his mouth twitched and I had seen if before. Dastardly laughter… but still laughter, at _my_ expense, and my heart was beating a mile a minute and I hoped my expression gave nothing away. He had moved back, but kept looking at me, as if looking for something… or waiting expectantly…not sure which.

Probably waiting for me to make an arse of myself again so he could laugh himself silly as he flew to the Dark Lord's side in about five minutes…

The dank and dark dungeons were again silent. I was off the hook. But not for long.

"And then there is that other thing… for another time perhaps. I couldn't possibly find the time to get into _that_ now," he spat.

OH DEAR MERLIN!

"Right. Send the Dark Lord my….oh, whatever…" I turned and sped out of the room. I didn't look back. I was not that daft.

Tomorrow was Sunday. No need to call out.

A day to dwell on what happened between us exactly at the fire drill thingy and wonder what the hell…just happened back there.


	8. Chapter 8: The Quidditch Bitch

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 8: The Quidditch Bitch**

_**Later that day…Saturday…Slytherin vs. Gryffindor…**_

Oh, dear Merlin….I had forgotten about the match and that I was meeting some of the other professors so we could sit in the stands together.

How could I forget? This was the biggest match of the school year.

Well, most likely the trauma of the fire drill and finding Snape using unforgiveable curses on Potter had oh…_I don't know_…made my memory lapse?

And I thought I had a free night, to try to relax and come to terms with the very embarrassing events of the last few days.

I guess that is what this Sunday would be devoted to….trying to cast _obliviate_ on myself so I would _never_ remember what happened at that fire drill.

So, here it was. People waiting all year for this…to scream themselves hoarse and attempt to ready their fists and do harm to the opposition if need be. Always happened; because Slytherin was notorious for cheating and the brave Gryffindors would have none of it. And the Slytherin Head of House, who shall remain nameless, turned a blind eye and did nothing to stop it. The rivalry that was legendary at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…Slytherin vs. Gryffindor.

It was a guilty pleasure for the staff and especially the Heads of House. They tried to show good sportsmanship and pretend that it didn't matter, but it did. It was the only time that I saw Flitiwick mutter a few curses under his breath, Sprout yell out that the referee was a bloody git that called unfairly, like a banshee, McGonagall announce plans audibly for giving detention to the cheaters and swear they would never do it again after she was done with them, and Snape wear a twisted smirk, that genuinely resembled smiling which he never did, when his team was in the lead.

He also wore a _green_ Slytherin scarf and sometimes a rosette and that was earth-shattering enough.

It took me an hour to get ready. This was an event. We saw parents, staff members, relatives, friends, locals, and the who's who of the wizarding world, especially because it was the Slytherin vs. Gryffindor game. And the worst part was that it was a late game so many others would be coming in after having a few firewhiskeys in Hogsmeade. Yes, always eventful.

I was running late. Aurora flooed over quickly and told me that she would save me a seat in the stands. Usually Minerva always did but she was currently holding an emergency meeting with her House team. To give them a few last minute pointers on how to beat Slytherin to a bloody pulp. The general idea…though she subtly never used quite those words. However, the team got her meaning.

I also believe that she was avoiding her office because Snape currently was in the lead and he sometimes liked to stroll into her office and delicately remind her of this before a match to rattle her. Often times it was playful banter, sometimes it got ugly and childish. Minerva would fill me in surely. If her nostrils were flaring…Snape had struck again. That was the sign.

I wore a black and white suit-like dress and black robes with white trim, and a black formal hat. People got really dressed up for this if they weren't students. I had dark hair and fair skin and these colors suited me but I sometimes avoided them because it was the uniform of doom for a certain Potions Master. And since Peeves had called me his "Ickle Bickle Potions Sidekick" the other day _again_ and taunted me that we looked _adorable_ that day because we dressed almost alike in black robes, I tried to stop wearing black if I could help it. I had nothing to hold over the damned poltergeist's head. Er, the Bloody Baron was avoiding me after I yelled like a maniac at the fire drill and Peeves knew this so he had nothing to stop him from teasing me. But Snape had on some green today so it was safe.

I looked in the mirror and tilted my hat to one side over my eye stylishly. I had one feather perched jauntily, the style was "in" again.

Oh, Sweet Merlin…_Slytherin vs. Gryffindor_…here we go…

_**At the Quidditch Pitch…**_

I sat down next to Aurora Sinistra after she stood up and waved for me to sit next to her. I approached my seat and prepared to sit down when I saw Minerva next to her. A vein throbbed at her temple and her jaw was so tight it could only mean….he had travelled to her office earlier than expected.

Flitwick and Sprout was there also, whispering and giggling with each other. I strained to hear…

"So when he loses what should we say?"

"Oh, just mention that spot that Minerva had been preparing in her office all week, a teensy little lie… that shows off the cup to perfection…he _can't stand it!" _She nodded evilly at Flitwick.

"Oh, dear Merlin…the four of them never stopped. Worse than the students…

The match started and I had nobody to talk to. The three Heads of House were planning their let's-rub-Snape's-nose-in-it stratagem and Aurora was giddy and elated and constantly getting out of her seat to glance around at the crowd. The rumor was that Gilderoy Lockhart would be attending and she was convinced that if he saw her in her new Lockhart robes, he would get down on one knee and propose.

It was when I turned to Aurora to tell my friend ever-so-politely to sit the hell down that I saw him…the bloody moron, in all his Slytherin glory.

Snape had been talking to some dark-robed, sinister-looking people that I believed were parents of Slytherin students. He nodded his head and must have told them that he had to go because they also wished him "good luck" and left to take their seats. He glided over to where we sat and his lip curled as he wished McGonagall "a good match." She gritted her teeth and said something back to him that I believe wasn't as pleasant. Snape ignored the rest of us and took a seat in the stands a few rows back and than a few more to the right of where the rest of the staff sat.

I looked back and saw him deep in conversation with Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Goyle, a portly homicidal maniac, and…a very stunning woman…who seemed far to engrossed in her conversation with Snape for it to be…_harmless._

And that is when I cursed myself…because I realized that I was jealous.

Yup, inept with this sort of thing and adept at planning my own ruination…yet I couldn't help myself. And if the people next to me who were currently cursing out Snape knew…well, they would probably ask me to sit somewhere else due to treasonous activity in my mind.

Well, they were not the only people cursing out Snape. Mrs. Finnegan. Seamus'mum, had only just arrived with some friends and kissed her son and patted his cheek when she yelled out from the side of her mouth. "And Professor Snape….YER' BLOODY BASTARD….SURELY YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT FIFTH FOUL EITHER!"

Merlin! Seamus turned beet red and tried to shush his mum and remind her that he had only taken a Potions test that hadn't yet been graded.

Snape ignored the outburst and pretended he didn't hear.

It was when I turned to look at him with my mouth agape that he still didn't acknowledge me but for a curled lip in my direction.

Still right pissed about this morning I suppose…he should count his blessings that I arrived just in time before he murdered Potter and Dumbledore once again had to do his Azkaban paperwork for him.

I am still bloody convinced that I had heard incorrectly and he was really on work release…

The fool…yes, the fool…that apparently _knew_ something…

I knew something. Perhaps a few things…I knew he was a damned jackass, a bloody moron, and an artless wretch!

I knew that I still didn't believe that he had more than one set of black robes…

I also knew that I didn't believe for a minute that he had them laundered.

I also knew that he had to have been staring at me to think that I had ever stared at him.

And I knew…when I turned to look back at him for the er, first, all right, seventh time, that when Mr. Malfoy cracked some type of dry witty joke and Snape gave a small smile...

My damned insides gave a lurch….

Son…of…a…bitch!

I turned around quickly and before I slapped a palm to my head I stopped myself because I had turned so abruptly that I caught his attention and saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye.

Luckily, I had tilted my hat towards my other eye back in my rooms so the view was clear for the rest of the match.

I smiled widely to myself….and saw the bloody moron stare at me, but when I looked back he had turned back to Mr. Malfoy and the oh-so-charming-woman next to him that had just put a small white hand on his upper arm and laughed heartily.

Who was the _er, bitch? _I mean lady?

Didn't she know we had like….a history? Even Peeves knew? Even, I hate to admit it, but some of the staff come to think of it, have made cryptic comments and teased genially that Snape and I would one day just get it over with and go out.

Why did I just remember this? Was it stuff I had pushed into the back of mind when I didn't have a crush on him?

They say it happens when you are in love. Not meaning me, but you think of yourself in terms of almost two lives. The one before the crush and the one in the now, now that you have a crush on someone…

And I had a wonderful night ahead of me, because after this match, I would go and have a drink with the staff, and ask one of them to accompany me to St. Mungo's because I was now officially _daft._

Really…I needed help.

I knew it when I started to look over more closely and mumbled nonsense in frustration that I had forgotten the glasses in my bedroom that I sometimes wore for distance. The woman in question had on a huge hat and her hair was tucked underneath in the old style and for the life of me, while straining with my bad eyesight, I couldn't make out who she was.

She had to be mad though because she was thoroughly enjoying her conversation with Snape as Mr. Malfoy watched the match with pride, when his son elbowed Angelina Johnson squarely in the face.

With fatherly pride… you witness your son act like a complete louse?

Were Death Eaters inhuman? Perhaps they bred them on a farm somewhere?

And I tried to control my expression because when she touched his arm again to make a not so smooth point…I was livid. I could feel the burn on my cheeks, my eyes were slits, and there was nothing I could do about it.

It was then that Aurora snapped out of it.

What happened? Why have you been making those horrid faces? Are you all right? You look as if you want to murder somebody? By the way, have you spotted Lockhart yet, Septima?"

And then I did it. I slapped my palm to my forehead in disgust and made my very fair skin, as light as my hair was black, even redder. I must have done it with a bit too much force because I slapped my hat away, and Minerva, Filius, and Pomona stared at me in shock.

And because Merlin, I gather, derives amusement from my torment on a daily basis…you would never believe what happened next.

There was a strong wind and the hat flew away, up into the air, and can you gather where it landed?

Uh-huh. Right. It flew up and landed in the empty row right in front of Snape.

"Aurora, would you go and get my hat for me? I've got the first round at the pub, just so you know."

"Oh, please, Mia. Don't be mad at me. I think if I get up I might miss Gilderoy and please forgive me, you know I would go for you, but Snape has really been making fun of my singing even more so this week in the Choir, and I can just imagine him making a joke in front of Malfoy and _that woman!"_

So, even 'Rora had no idea who she was? Interesting…

"Minerva…"

"I refuse to go within several hundred feet of that merciless….did you see his smirk when he arrived?" A muscle strained along with her apparent lockjaw.

Sprout and Flitwick just shrugged and I listened for a break in their conversation so I could ask again.

And I was so distracted that I didn't see….dear Merlin…a certain someone approach me.

"Miss Vector…I believe this belongs to you." The dolt handed me back my hat.

It was Snape, who apparently had to look charming and smooth and gentlemanly in front of his friends.

I played along.

"Thank you, Professor Snape. It is most kind."

And then, he leaned over and whispered so only I could hear.

"Not really. I wouldn't say kind…it is just that I believe you need your hat to cover that unsightly red mark on your forehead. People have turned from the match and asked what happened to you."

"And what did you tell them, might I ask? You bloody mor…"

He smirked and stared back at me and said _nothing! _Ok, I was just staring at him.

I died. My face went white and he turned and strode off back to his seat.

Now without my glasses there were certain things that I couldn't see that far away, but there was no mistaking that he saw me glare furiously at him, watching every step he took to get back to his seat. And I certainly saw him continue to smirk, apparently struggling with the urge to break out in a rare, yet dastardly smile, and for the rest of the match he kept looking over not too nonchalantly.

_**During the break…**_

At the middle of the match I was through. I was going back to my rooms and I would hide there until I could meet everyone at the pub. They would be in their cups and all would be forgotten. I hoped.

Aurora was fortunately coming to her senses and rose with me as we walked away from the stands. We were just about to exit when I heard…

"Vector."

I mouthed silently to Aurora who was preparing to escape, "please don't leave me…"

"Mia, he will hex me if I try to stop him….forgive me. I'll see you later…" She returned to the stands.

He strode over to me again and eyed me curiously.

I put up a hand in protest. "I am still not talking to you…" I sing-songed maliciously, and hurried away as fast as my small stature could carry me.

"You are now." Alas, he could take longer steps and blocked my path to freedom.

"I _have _to presently…does it look like I _want _to?" I gave him a dirty and malevolent look. The one day I was glad to wear black recently, hoping I cut an intimidating figure as he did.

"You don't have to answer me but I knew you would. You never can keep quiet…have you ever tried to langlock yourself?" He was in an excellent mood, Slytherin was up.

"Could I try it on you first, Severus?" I gave him a deadly, yet sweet smile.

"Cursing a staff member is prohibited, might I remind you, Vector," he said haughtily.

"Damn it, how disappointing." It was sarcastic. "Apparently not students though."

"Mrs. Malfoy has known me since I was 11," he stated out of nowhere.

"Oh…" I turned a violent, unmistakable shade of magenta and was mortified that I couldn't control it.

"Who did you _think_ it was?" he raised an eyebrow and studied me.

The silence lasted at least two minutes.

"Vector… I am not _with_ anyone but if I was… you would know," he said in an offhand manner.

"And why is that? You'd stop pestering me and then I could throw a victory party?" I smiled maniacally and prayed I looked smart.

He smirked and said nothing. And I looked away because I had the feeling that he was trying to perform legilimancy on me and perhaps was performing that _occurrency _thing, occlumency was it?...on himself.

"Vector, I know how my words will be received but I will say them anyhow…there is no denying that you were _staring _at me, this very day, and appeared a little too inquisitive regarding a conversation I was holding with, I must admit, a still attractive woman. Why is that?"

"I can answer that….I was utterly shocked and probably looked quite odd in my astonishment that any woman would willingly talk to you, Snape. Sorry but it is true. I was looking over to see if you had a wand to her throat. My mistake," I said with confidently.

"Really… is that what it is?" he said slowly and considered me for a moment.

"I looked away and squeezed my eyes shut, "yes." I believed he was trying to do that thing again.

He rolled his eyes and made a little noise in the back of his throat. "You really can't go a day without lying, can you?" His voice was getting lower. And I knew from experience that this was usually the part that got tricky for me.

"Yes. Er, I mean no." I almost, _almost_ hit myself again by accident. Instead I commanded that my arms raise which was not good but a bit better.

"You just admitted it…" His voice was velvet in a waspish sort of way.

"That was a trick," I exclaimed. "I wasn't listening to you carry on… and all your rubbish… and it was just _easier _to say yes. Ok. I was lying for a second there. Now are you happy? I just admitted that I lied. Huge fat liar that I am…. Now can you leave me the bloody hell alone now that you have gotten what you wanted?" I yelled in exasperation.

"Getting what you want is never easy, Vector. I would know…" And he eyed me with an intensity that made me swallow nervously. Oh, shit.

What the _hell _did that mean? What was with the lame sayings now and the trying to be deep and thoughtful and poetic and…The jackass was starting to sound like Dumbledore….

What did he want? He hates everything? He just made an ass out of me. Wasn't that enough?

A badge from Lord Voldemort's, er, troop? A clean record, perhaps, because he went to Azkaban once when he was over 16 and he was accused as an adult? More bloody robes because I still believed he only owned _one?_

Why, and I had asked myself this a million times, _had_ Dumbledore lifted a finger to ensure his freedom…and my enslavement?

For surely I was enslaved and there was no getting around it. I had also forgotten that the staff picnic was…Sunday.


	9. Chapter 9: Fancy Me a Fool

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 9: Fancy Me a Fool**

I was in the corner of the Three Broomsticks about two hours after the match. Before this, I had returned to my rooms to wait out the rest of the game. I was mortified!

Snape was right. I _was_ the biggest fool imaginable. He had told me this enough times over the years. But, come now, even Aurora hadn't recognized her. How could we? We had never seen her before. All I knew was that I had only seen Mr. Malfoy so I knew what he looked like. He appeared at school during matches, or at the Ministry doing Merlin knew what, and maybe a few times in Diagon Alley? I had never seen Mrs. Malfoy at school before so I just naturally assumed it wasn't her, especially because I had no idea that she had been school friends with Snape either.

So Severus… _Snipe,_ _had _ friends.

Well, that was earth-shattering and surprising news.

I decided that I would call him Severus _Snipe_ behind hi s back. Very fitting… He always had a smart ass remark at the ready for me so it suited him.

And it made me feel a tiny bit better.

Because I couldn't just keep calling him an asshole all the time, I mean, if I kept at it in public it might raise suspicion.

It was bad enough that he thought I was staring at him because I wanted him desperately and wouldn't let it just drop already.

He hadn't exactly come out and said that yet but his sniping was certainly pointing in _that _direction.

I wasn't that stupid. Daft, clearly, but not stupid.

I rose from my bed where I was laying down and trying to recover and walked over to my mirror. The redness on my forehead was gone. I fixed myself up and felt I looked presentable and went down to the Broomsticks…

The atmosphere was morose. Slytherin had won. People were beginning to loosen up because they had already started drinking. In a weird way I felt a bit better because I was not alone. Everyone I worked with would be trying to avoid Snape because he would be taunting them about his House's victory.

Oh, he rarely ventured out to staff gatherings and if he decided he would, it was always after Slytherin had won a match.

I walked into the pub and walked quickly over to Aurora who was in a corner. She was a bit sullen. But I noticed that she had already ordered firehwhiskeys for the both of us. Supposedly, she had gone to the restroom and that is when Gilderoy Lockhart showed up. Elderly women and some rabid fans started following him after that so it was difficult to get his attention. No matter, she believed, one day he would realize that they were made for each other.

Merlin, I truly worried about her at times.

McGonagall looked livid and apparently still suffered from lockjaw. Her eyes were slits and I am sure that he had already rubbed it in her face before I got there. Only Flitwick and Sprout still had hope. They still had to play Slytherin.

Only Hagrid was enjoying himself and far too many firewhiskeys it seemed.

"Aurora, why so glum? It is our day off and Lockhart may stop here for some publicity." I tried to appease her. I understood. She had just shown everyone her Gilderoy sleepwear at the fire drill and the students and staff were still talking about it. She only hoped Gideroy was touched.

"So close, Septima…I was that close." She whispered to me and we walked a bit farther into the corner so nobody overheard.

"Well, it could be worse…look what happened to me at the drill the other day."

"Yes, you are right, Mia."

I blanched. Her words were not encouraging. How bad had I looked? I started to worry again.

"Well, I fancy that…"

And I could kick myself at what was either my bad luck, a penchant for bad timing, or somehow I had earned the wrath of Merlin, because midsentence I noticed that Aurora had turned pale and that I was speaking above a whisper now, and in one of the mirrors of the pub I now noticed that Snape was right behind me as I started…I should have known. McGonagall had fled to the other side of the room with the rest of the staff.

"Who do you fancy Vector ? What poor soul now have you taken to your bosom and your heart?" It couldn't have been more sarcastic, can I tell you. And it would only get worse, because his team had won, and I had witnessed his puffed up nonsense before when they had.

And I wasn't so sure but I believe that the moron was looking at my chest after he said that last part about…I blushed purple.

Apparently, the fire drill was still vivid in his recollection as well. I didn't look down. I sighed in relief remembering that the dress I had on was tailored a bit tight in the old style but that it thankfully had a very high neck.

"I suppose you didn't hear me. Who is so captivating, might I ask?" He taunted mercilessly, I might add. "I am quite astonished. I hadn't noticed you _staring _at anyone else today."

Oh, Merlin, it was about to start…and in public…again.

I looked up at him.

"I fancy you a bloody moron and a nosey git. And that is a pun." I sipped my firewhiskey for support.

"Really?"

I took a step back. He was far too close. "Er, yeah _really." _I took another sip.

Aurora snapped out of her Lockhart disappointment to look at us as if we were both mad.

He appeared to weigh his words and take me in with a calculating gaze. And he sounded almost hesitant to respond, but the tone was very annoying. It sounded as if he was doing me a favor.

"Well, Vector, I wish you luck. I suppose I am in a generous mood. McGonagall admitted that we played a great game of quidditch and deserved the win, so I can say without too much reluctance that there is some fool out there that would find you attractive. Though they would earn my undying remorse and unwavering pity."

"Oh, you ar_e far too_ generous with your assertions, Snape. Am I supposed to thank you?" I spluttered and took a swig of firewhiskey.

"Not necessary, Vector." He shook his head dismissively. He also had a glass of that elf-made wine in his hand, the only type that Severus Snob would drink.

Hey, I think I just came up with another name for him….that would be two.

"Naturally I find your brain and personality deficient, as I have told you on more occasions than I would dare to count."

I made a surly face.

He stepped forward again. I stepped back. But if he continued to do this I would either crush Aurora or be leaning against a wall soon. She did the not-so-heroic-or-friend thing and relinquished her role as a buffer. She now stood off to Snape's side, mentally brainstorming how to help me. I, er, hoped.

But then I think she was in shock because the sonofabitch said something that immobilized her and me…

"But I cannot deny your eyes are almost…purple…they are an unusual dark blue." He said it in a matter of fact tone. And the voice was low and drawling and I looked away because it sounded sexy and…he was most likely trying to throw me off so he could perform that legilimancy thing on me.

And I knew this because he was studying my eyes over the glass of wine that he just sipped.

He continued on, which I couldn't fathom after what he just said. Er, had I heard right?

"…that if I were drunk, poisoned, or given a near fatal dose of love potion, I might be infatuated with you under certain circumstances, albeit with some coercion, and reservations on my part, of course."

Aurora's mouth had now dropped open. I wasn't nuts. I wasn't imagining it. Had somebody slipped something into that elf-made wine stuff?

"That is…if I could block out your ridiculous comments and foolishness…which is quite impossible really." And his lip curled in annoyance. But the eyes were still trying to look into mine over the glass.

And now I was starting to panic and I felt the cold sweat breaking out…

"You have very pretty eyes, long entrancing lashes, a sweet face, and a smile that tugs at the heartstrings…

_Oh, dear…what the fu…"_

And then he actually sort of _smiled_ maliciously. And I finally leaned on the stone wall for support.

"Ah, what a pity," he shook his head. "Argus Filch said that about you, alas, I cannot claim that as a thought that occurred to me. It would be very dishonorable; then I would be lying."

"Those are _several _thoughts, Snape," And I could thank Aurora on bended knee for saving me.

"Facinating…I was under the impression you couldn't count, Sinistra, good for you." And the sarcasm cracked like a whip.

"You lie all the time… you do it for a living." I was recovering.

"Yes I do and am very effective. Quite well or so I am told…" he retorted.

"Rather poetic on Filch's part…" offered Aurora who was lost in thought.

Snape ignored her and didn't even glance in her direction.

"Also, Vector, Wormtail, or most of you know him as Pettigrew, saw you with Granger in his rat form, which I prefer, and thinks you are quite the _catch_. Wormtail is the lowest form of humanity imaginable, so that is not saying much. I cannot vouch for him."

"But you can for Filch then?" snapped Aurora.

He looked at her as if he was planning her death. "I did not say that."

"Do _you _think her face is pretty?" countered Aurora. "The _truth… _since you are in a generous mood?"

My best friend surprised me and showed me her mettle on occasion. Merlin, how I loved her…

"…and a very pompous mood, well, until Ravenclaw next week…forget it, Aurora. Let him gloat and enjoy himself… it is temporary. Fliwick has on his hands quite a team this year." I smiled tartly at Snape.

"So negative…" he brushed my comments aside. "But I would advise you not to discount us…or you will look like even more of a fool."

He called to a former Slytherin student who was drinking a butterbeer a few feet away from him. The young man snapped to attention. It was apparent he still feared his former Head of House.

"What was the score again, Neely? Our victory was by how much?" Snape asked as he inclined his head towards his former student to defer to him.

" By 170 points, sir."

Snape nodded and the man went back to his friends.

He turned slowly to face me. I noticed the asshole had not backed up and he leaned in slightly to make a point.

"Then yes…your face is pretty…and when the rest catches up, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd be half in love with you myself. A shame I know you too well and that has killed any chance of that happening…"he spat venomously. And he slowly took a sip of his wine.

"Thank Merlin" I let out in exaggerated relief. I threw up my hands and pretended to wipe away my forehead. I knew it was childish and I looked like a dolt but I could think of nothing smarter to do.

"Good day, Vector, Sinistra." He nodded and I heard later that he headed to the Slytherin common room to celebrate, and then parade the trophy past the Gryffindor common room and Transfiguration office.

"Nice scarf jack ass. Fingerless gloves? Is this the muggle 80's?" I dearly hoped he heard me when he turned to walk away.

"What the hell was that all about?" Aurora eyed me with suspicion as if I knew something she didn't.

And she was right. Because I had kept this curse, er, crush from everyone. Witch, wizard, ghost, poltergeist, and even my best friend…

"I don't know," I stared at the wall.

"He… he likes you…Mia." Aurora looked at me seriously. Which even though I was making eye contact with a wall presently, I could tell from the corner of my eye.

"No he does not," I said primly.

"Oh yes he does. Read between the lines…"

"No." I scoffed. "You heard what he said." 

"Come on luv…"

"Nope."

"Somebody wants you…and quite badly…"

"Er, no they don't." I prayed I wasn't turning pink.

And then she said the unthinkable…

"Always thought so… wasn't sure…but no mistaking that look as he left…he's making progress." She talked about him as if he was a potions experiment or one Hagrid made with those odd creatures that he bred."

"I thought you were my friend?" I whined.

"I am. And I saw that look, and heard what he said, and as your friend I would highly advise you never to be alone with him… _ever. _He might break his self-imposed resolve one day, you vixen, _you."_

"Try telling that to the Headmaster!" I cracked sarcastically, hoping beyond all hope that Dumbledore and the Sorting Hat would somehow hear about it. Even Fawkes would do. Maybe he could cluck out a message to Dumbledore or whatever he did. For Merlin's sake..that bird can apparate and the Order is named after him.

"And I don't mean he merely likes you…I mean he LIKES you. Really likes you…"

"You mean he wants to sleep with me?" I gulped.

"No, not just that."

I rolled my eyes and tried to catch my breath, as if that wasn't the most terrible thing imaginable, er, not that I had ever imagined that, of course. Right.

"I mean, I think he is in love with you," said Aurora seriously. "I didn't want to tell you this but the whole staff has taken bets and conversed shadily for years when he would tell you. Sorry, Mia. Or wear down a bit after fighting it for ages. We all sort of suspected but he never really confirmed it, but now come to think of it, you'd have to be mental not too."

"Even Peeves," I asked helplessly.

"Yes, even Peeves."

"Well, what the hell do you all expect me to do?" I blurted out in frustration. This wasn't going to be easy.

Aurora's face dropped in shock. "Absolutely nothing,er, _ever! _ He is too dangerous, you'd be mad, but it is nice to know that his feelings run that deep and, er, that he had any."

"What do you mean…his _feelings_…run that deep?" I was confused now, and pissed that they had all been talking about me behind my back.

"I would say that there is a very little doubt that he really loves you. Likes you or adores you, well, we think. Minerva was just saying the other day that when you became the Arithmancy professor, he practically threw a tantrum and gave you that pot with the irises when you finally left his office and had your own. It nearly brought tears to her eyes and reminded her of the small quiet boy when he first came to Hogwarts. Now, Septima, this was before the quidditch match, of course so she was in a better mood. And she claimed that she saw him make excuses to Dumbledore for why he needed you to work more with him after the mentorship was over."

"The sonofabitch did that?" I had always suspected as much. He had ruined my time off for the longest when I first started working there.

"Yes, he did."

"What an _asshole_?" I exclaimed. And clammed up because several people had looked over.

"I know that. And the headmaster said he knew…"

"He did…how…" and I felt a grudge towards Dumbledore that he didn't step in to clear my schedule.

"Who knows but he is just as good as Snape in legilimancy and can do it without the other party being any the wiser. But it doesn't take legilimancy to see it, however."

"And nobody told me this?"

"No because he'd be no good for you… too possessive…he would hound you…if he loved you too much. I think he is that type. You'd both be miserable, it would never work…and that whole Death Eater thing…"

"Er,I know that. Should I work somewhere else?"

"Don't bother. No, perhaps he would follow you."

"Do you mean like a stalker?"

"Almost, I guess you could say that. But it doesn't matter. He already sort of does that now."

"Why is that… now that hell has frozen over?" I shrieked.

"Well, he will never do anything about it. Pretty much a confirmed bachelor…and he has told Filch in front of my hearing at a staff party one year, before you arrived, that marriage seems abysmal. And between you and me, I got the impression that his parents didn't have the greatest match. And well, there is no denying that he hates children and you love them. He has no family, he hates people in general. Well, all except you and Dumbledore… is like his mentor or something. And the Death Eater thing… Mia, he will never get away from them and…"

"And…"

"And?"

"WE all know that he absolutely repulses you."

"And"

"That is about it I would think."


	10. Chapter 10: Interview with a Death Eater

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 10: Interview with a Death Eater**

He _actually _showed up to the staff picnic.

Pause.

I can only imagine that with people disappearing, unforgiveable curses abounding, etc. that he may be worried that he had to do this to appear "reformed."

"Look who is here, Septima." McGonagall informed me. She seemed quite shocked that he had shown, but Minerva and the rest of the staff never gave up on inviting him nonetheless.

"Well, not surprising, Minerva. Septima is here with us afterall," tutted Flitwick.

What have I ever _done _to them to deserve the commentary?

We were sitting on some low chairs that were conjured near the spot by the trees where we picnicked. He came over, gave a nod in the general direction of everyone and then said nothing for almost an hour.

_**An hour later…**_

Bottles of firewhiskey that can be purchased by ordinary wizards should be banned.

As the pouring got looser, so did the lips present.

Oh, Merlin, he did not kiss me. But I am not saying that he didn't look like he wanted to.

Or so I thought.

Maybe it was just me.

Maybe I am doing something psychological whereby I am placing my desires on someone else.

But if I don't desire that then what else do you call it?

And what about that nonsense when I ventured off to find some wildflowers?

Anyway…I can cringe and think about that later. I might have overdid it.

What if you are barking mad and you try to cloak this and appear that you're not? What is that called?

Did Freud have a name for this?

Anyway…

Snape stood near a tree at the picnic. Which would not seem so odd, but if you were there and noted that everyone had been sitting for hours while he stood without joining the group, then it was St. Mungo's time. Which roughly translates to _crazy!_

But that doesn't mean that the staff didn't try to include him or make insinuations (cringe) about the both of us ending up together.

It was awhile though before anyone spoke to him. I noticed that he appeared tired. He had a bit of darkness under the eyes and he had told me the night before that he was about to visit You-Know-Who. Just another late night with the Dark Lord at a Death Eater meeting, naturally, because it certainly wasn't due to any woman…that was for sure. All Snape did was spy. He had no life. And it was the only time I actually felt bad for the asshole.

And I am not saying that I am better than him, because I did have that crush on him. The one that doesn't exist anymore…

Anyway…

"So, Severus, I have heard…is it true that You-Know-Who can fly?"

I could kick Flitwick, but he is so small that my foot would connect with his face and not a shin, so I didn't do it.

Snape said nothing. And then he slowly turned to face Filius and said very slowly, "Yes. Yes it is."

"Oh," replied Filius Flitwick.

_Only at the Hogwarts staff picnic_…I almost slapped a hand to my face yet again, but caught myself just in time. They were fools. He would hex us _all!_

I then looked at Flitwick's face that was now deep in concentration because he was a learned charm caster. He took a mental inventory silently of every spell he knew trying to figure out how that was possible. Wizard flight…hmmmm….

"Severus, can you fly?" asked Sprout abruptly.

"Yes." He put emphasis on the "s". Very Slytherin-like I might add.

And now I had a mental picture of my own, one of Snape in a black dress and clown-like Death Eater mask, flowing and flying dastardly over Scotland.

I would have laughed my arse off if he wasn't present. No matter. I could do it later in the virtual privacy of my office.

And then my mouth dropped because Aurora, taking her cue from the others that it was all right to interrogate Snape without pain of death, asked him a most ridiculous question.

"Snape, is it true that the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named doesn't have a nose?"

Snape's eyebrow rose severely and I could see that it took all of his reserve to reply in a calm and humane manner.

I got up from my chair to move over to my best friend to become a human shield if necessary.

Only his eyes moved. They darted to watch me get up and walk over to Aurora.

He then eyed Aurora maliciously. "He can breathe obviously," he snapped in impatience.

"But you didn't answer my question…I heard he only has nostrils…and that they are like slits that resemble a snake…like his pet thing….Nag….er, Naga…"

"Nagini," answered Snape softly.

The staff looked at him breathlessly and then he seemed to give it an afterthought like he had said something he shouldn't have.

"Er, Severus," asked Madame Hooch. "You have seen him…that snake that I have heard about."

"Her." he replied coldly.

"Ooh, sorry. I mean…I heard that he er, cares for her and that she does his bidding."

"It would seem so," replied Snape mysteriously. I felt the goose bumps rising. An air of menace and wondering what exactly the snake did seemed to spread an aura of dread amongst the gathering.

"Does it have a mark?" asked Sinistra. And this time she had gone too far, because even Snape looked at her as if she was insane and failed to give her an answer.

"I mean, snakes don't have arms or legs but perhaps she's branded like a cow? And how do you know it is a she? Er, can someone like turn a snake over and check. I checked out my Boogie, my pygmy puff."

Snape remembering the time that he entered the staff room and sat down in an arm chair almost crushing Boogie, seemed to remember the time that Aurora had told him this once before.

The staff appeared unnerved, fearing that even Aurora had gone too far as well, and went back to some unfinished conversations that they had been having earlier.

"You are revolting, Sinistra, really you are." Snape said simply, but his face looked like death.

"Well, Nagini is a pretty name for a slimy green snake…sounds Italian. Though I heard it is not as big as the basilisk but larger than your average snake," offered Sprout.

Snape appeared to want to avada himself. The lip curled viciously but he remained silent.

I tried not to laugh.

"Yes, I hear she resembles her papa," cracked McGongall, and the staff all laughed.

Snape, however, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed close to his chest, did not appear to find this awfully amusing.

Snape rolled his eyes and tried to retain his temperament.

I could fairly jump up and kiss Flitwick, really I could, as I attempted to try and not die of laughter, but I decided that I also had had enough of hearing about You-Know-Who and his snake. It had been far too long since I had made any batches of my perfumes. I dabbled in this and even Snape let me borrow a cauldron or two if need be, not without scathing comments about my potions prowess, however. They were very popular with the staff and I usually gifted everyone with some vials. I had spotted some unusual wildflowers earlier that day, and took this as my cue to leave for a bit.

Snape was too busy being interviewed. Surely nobody would notice where I had gone.

_**Twenty minutes later…**_

"Is it new?" He had somehow escaped intact from the interview and was now walking towards me as I picked out flowers.

"Er, is what new?" I asked.

"Your dress," he replied softly. "I don't recall having seen it before."

Oh, dear Merlin. This was my new blue sundress, and unfortunately it had short sleeves and the front was round and a bit low. I hadn't anticipated Snape actually showing up to a staff socializing opportunity. I loved this dress though, and damnit I was young. Why did I have to cover up like an old maid? It was fashionable and not revealing. I was now though just paranoid after the "fire drill" and what had happened there with Snape. It was at a point now that after that debacle I was nervous with any apparel that wasn't a turtle neck.

One day I will get the nerve to be able to think about the fire drill without getting humiliated….or sobbing!

I said "yes" and turned from him to locate another appealing flower I could use.

He just nodded but I noticed he wasn't making any eye contact.

"A bit low don't you think, there is a slight chill." And the bastard went there. But I wasn't so sure. He said it very matter of fact and it seemed innocent.

I was just being paranoid after the drill.

I seethed and gritted my teeth, but didn't reply.

"What are you doing, Vector?"

He really was annoying… so nosey…so unattractive to me…

"Gathering wildlflowers…obviously, Snape." I replied primly, not looking at him and bringing a flower to my chest to nonchalantly pull up the front of my sundress.

"I can only imagine you will be asking me for a cauldron then," he took in the flowers calculatingly and then looked around to survey what other flowers were there. It scared me. Snape and flowers, but I guess being an expert at potions and the Master, he probably knew a thing or two.

"Yes."

"On one condition…"

"What might that be?" I turned around to look at him, fearing the worst.

I was right. It came.

"Well, I see that I can get no answer regarding our discussion pertaining to your odd and unnerving staring…"

I threw up my hands and made a noise of impatience. Loudly.

He held out a hand to silence me.

"Back to our discussion about what I _know…"_

"Where are the others? Are they still alive?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yes. I decided to leave the staff for a bit. They had just asked me if the snake could also fly and that indicated to me, rightly so, that I had had enough of their questioning." He looked unnerved at their stupidity.

"They _actually _asked you that, Snape?"

"Yes." He looked appalled.

"You know what, I would like to drop that one, as well as…what you apparently know." I said casually.

Naturally, he had to object. He was always difficult.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because I have no interest in what you _claim _ to _know." _I offered unconvincingly.

"Oh, I never make claims without some sort of evidence, believe me, Vector." He sounded so pompous. So…..unappealing.

I sighed in annoyance. "I am gathering wildflowers. Sorry, not today. It is a beautiful day."

He just stared at me in silence, and I believe he was at a pass, and not sure what to say next.

Next time, I knew I had to remain calm like this. It appeared to be working for me.

I turned from him abruptly and gathered some yellow wildflowers that smelled wonderful. They would be perfect.

He just watched in silence which still unnerved me.

Why did he just stand there so still? Why didn't the weird sonofabitch at least make an offer to help me? Anything but this silence, it was so awkward, and it was worse than his being so inquisitive regarding me and my staring.

And then I realized that he was moving closer to me. And that was fine, because maybe he decided to help. But then the thought occurred to me that he was still looking at me and not at any flowers. Then a hand dashed into his robes and out came a vial.

Dear Merlin, was it veritaserum?

I closed my eyes, still bending down to pick up flowers, and then I sighed again in relief.

The vial was empty.

But then I panicked because he also fumbled into a robe pocket and withdrew his wand…and nobody was in the vicinity to help. Perhaps I could scream bloody murder….

He pointed the wand, er, not at me, but at his vial and made it larger….like the size of a vase.

He moved closer and wordlessly took the flowers from me and put them in the jar.

He tapped at the glass vial again and water appeared.

He was good for something, er, pleasant. It was a nice surprise.

And then he blinked, and blinked his eyes again. His eyes never leaving my face as I rose to take the vial from him. He smoothly placed his wand inside his robes expertly and his hand appeared once more.

And then the hand and the arm moved in the direction of my face. And into _my hair_…

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I froze and could only stare at the long black-clothed arm with endless black buttons and the white, rather large hand.

He turned pale. Well, I screeched and he looked surprised.

"You had an insect in your hair, Vector, that I just removed."

"Oh, yeah, where is it?"

"It just flew away."

"I don't believe it." I crossed my arms and then nervously felt my hair as if there was grease or a hand was still there.

"Be that as it may, can you explain the need to carry on and screech like a harpy?"

"A harpy? You ass…"

"All I did was this…"And would you believe he gently put a hand through my hair again and moved a piece out of my face.

"Don't do it er, again. Are you mad?" I apparently was experiencing a meltdown. This was very unexpected, let alone, him doing it _twice!_

His eyes grew large for a moment and then he seemed to compose himself.

"Vector, believe me, I wouldn't go near you unless out of necessity."

"What is that supposed to mean?" The nerve…you don't tell someone that out loud!

"You are daft, Vector. I should have let it bite you. It looked like one of those ghastly tick things and I will never do it again I assure you."

"Well, guess what? Ticks are so small and I have black hair and there is _no way_ you would have been able to see that. And…_you_ are the Potions Master and many drafts require certain types of dried bugs which you would need to successfully identify…and you know everything…which leads me only to the conclusion that there was _no bug_." I realized that I said this better than that muggle Sherlock Holmes ever could. And I gave him a healthy glare to boot.

"Well, why else would I contaminate my hand and touch _you_ Vector. Can you answer me that?"

"I saw you do it again, like at the drill…"

"You saw me what?" He watched my closely.

"I saw you staring at me."

"Perhaps your deficient personality is assuming this because I rightfully and justly accused you of staring at me," he countered calmly.

"I don't think so. Not like that today, but you were taking me in…"

"Please explain what I can gather to mean _taking in _is?" He asked in interest.

"The top of my dress…that comment earlier…really Snape." I shook my head in annoyance.

"What about it?" And the smarmy bastard looked down. The nerve….

"You were looking at my…."

And then he turned pale…and then red.

"Oh, I don't think so, Vector. Don't you dare!" He hissed between his teeth. "You are deluding yourself. I don't desire you _in that way_ if that's what you are getting at." His cheeks were flushed.

"Right. Sure. Probably where all this staring nonsense comes from…" I mumbled loudly.

"You are mad Vector. I am not taking you in and shall not be accused of…the very idea…" He seemed livid.

"You were."

"Vector, I was not. And even though I have been up since well past four in the morning I have hold over all of my faculties, I assure you again."

"You were. Admit it."

"I don't particularly care to admire hags, Vector."

"So you were admiring me. Odd choice of words for on the spot isn't it Severus?"

And then he made that face that he makes when I call him _Severus._

"There was a bug. That is all. And next time, even if it is one of Hagrid's damned creatures, let me make it quite clear that I will let it eat you if I must, to spare me your nonsense and…"

I walked closer. "Well, that is a nasty thing to say…"

And it happened. Our eyes made contact. And held. For, er, a long time… And then I broke away and gripped my flowers. However, when I turned abruptly on my pale blue flats I slipped and in my nervousness screamed.

"_DON"T GROPE ME, SNAPE!"_

Because I slid and almost fell and well, the blasted bat did the oh-so-not bloody moron thing to do and grabbed at my arm in a gentlemanly fashion so I did not fall in the dirt with my new pale blue sundress on.

And I turned puce. Puce, because there is no other color to describe the color I turned accurately when I slightly dipped a bit before he saved me and I realized that he got a nice shot of cleavage that I hadn't meant to show. Due to the awkward sliding forward motion I made, due to me losing my balance and swaying.

And then I knew I was a jerk. "Another bug?" I asked as I glared at the hand now gripping my upper arm to steady me.

"Another time, Vector…I will leave you to it. I think I have had enough and really wouldn't mind pondering the possibilities of Nagini flying after this ordeal."

And then we both looked up because the staff was staring. They had found me, er, us.

Apparently they had heard the part about accusations of groping.


	11. Chapter 11: That's Amortentia

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 11: That's Amortentia**

_Number 1… I could kill Severus Snape…._

_Number 2…He wore the same bloody robes, ALL OF THE DAMNED TIME, so why was it so daft that I had a clothespin on my nose?_

_**Earlier that evening…**_

I am quite sure that they heard me shouting like a banshee from my office next to the Arithmancy classroom, throughout the halls of Hogwarts, and right down to the dungeons.

This was not to be believed…_what an asshole!_

Again he hinted that Dumbledore would be most disheartened to learn that I was hesitant to help the sick youth attending the school. How could I turn my back on two helpless children that had succumbed to spattergroit?

Simple. I wished not to be alone with Snape in the dungeons. _Period._ That should suffice in lessoning the stain on my apparently guilty soul.

_Really._

Dragon pox last week…and now this shit!

Interesting , that I failed to see or hear amongst the students talk of illness at Hogwarts or anyone visiting sick friends in the Hospital ward.

So, I did what any person with such severe dismay and doubt would do.

I finally asked Poppy Pomfrey about it.

Well, I would have, if she would have answered the door to her office in the Hospital wing.

So, I had no choice but to go to the dungeons and offer my services in assisting Snape, because I cared for the Headmaster….because I was a complete fool…

The Headmaster…Albus Dumbledore…who apparently showed me no mercy in regard to my being in Snape's despicable presence both during and after work hours, and who I never had to heart to refuse.

But this would be the last time…okay the eleventh to last time…because somehow I got the sinking feeling that Snape was hexing and causing illness to students just so I would work with him, for Merlin knew why!

Or, the Greatest Liar That Ever Lived…was quite simply just lying to me out of spite…

And to ruin any chances I had of _actually_ having free time to go with Aurora to Hogsmeade and actually trying to actively _do_ something constructive regarding my impending spinsterhood, because I worked with Snape so much and hardly went out anymore.

Dammit…I loathe him so…

We would grow old and lonely together….

Eww….

Shit….

ARRRRGGGHHH!

Oh, Merlin, dear Merlin, please NO!

So I approached the door to the dungeons and smelled several different scents that permeated the air even before I entered the lair of doom and desperation.

Er, Snape's office.

There was a something wrong though. I clearly remember concocting the potion to counteract spattergroit during my NEWT level potions classes at my school. It never leaves you. It was one of those potions that smelt hideous and wouldn't leave your nostrils for days.

I regretted to inform The Potions Master also known to me, in my head, as a niffler's ass, that something had gone wrong and it was spoilt. Apparently, _Mister Potions Genius_, did something wrong because the draft was not brewed correctly. I smelt leathery… like from musty books. And a metallic smell… like a blood lollipop almost, er, I would know, as I opened the gates to the apocalypse or his office.

Not sure which.

He heard me enter and looked up from a cauldron and was now staring at me with an intensity that frightened me. Very odd. He was very still as he surveyed me. He said nothing and I wished he would.

I looked around at all of the books in his office and tried to ignore the jars with the disgusting contents floating around in them.

I panicked now all the time when I was around him. He just wouldn't quite it about the staring, and what he _knew_, and other such rubbish. The bloody moron was a legilimans and supposedly he claimed to be a very good one, and he could certainly see what I was thinking whenever he wished. So I would have to be on guard in case he tried something.

He still had not forgiven me regarding the scene I pulled at the picnic.

Well, the damned fool stared at me and did touch my hair…_twice!_

"Vector, what is wrong with you… currently that is?"

Okay, an insult and he sounded like he usually did. That was normal.

"Er, nothing."

"Come in. I have several potions brewing that I would like to you help me finish." He gestured to four cauldrons that had flames licking underneath them.

I wrinkled my nose and approached him cautiously.

"You look terrible. Don't wrinkle your face like that."

"I have already told you, you asshole, that I don't have wrinkles. Remember? When I fell into the lake with the Giant Squid?"

"How could I ever forget, Professor Vector?" He gave me a smirk that I knew was trying to mask an onslaught of evil laughter at my expense.

"Well then, what do you detect? Smell? Two are from NEWT level students that I need to mark and I gathered that considering there was an outbreak of spattergroit, we could, as they say, kill two birds with one stone."

_Or… _I thought…._kill off the best years of my life, with an annoying asshole of a Potions Master…_

"It seems that the fools forgot the labels… detention again. They have just made more work for us…regrettably."

Regrettable? Then why was the fool's lip curling with apparent satisfaction, and why did I detect a smug, victorious expression on his face, and a look that seemed to be calculating, with just a tad of _waiting to pounce _in it?

_Oh sweet Merlin, it's true!_ I felt sick with fear. He was going to try something again!

I went with my gut. I asked what the potions were and he identified them. Except one, and the pleasant color and sparkling fumes could only be…

The sonofabitch! Well, I would deflect this…

"What do you smell, er, right now Snape? Is that not Amortentia?" I asked with what I thought was not an ounce of guile present.

With that nose of his, this had to be a walk in the park. He probably smelled two times quicker than the average person.

The lip curled deviously and he muttered silkily as he looked down at one of the cauldrons.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

The note of teasing and mysteriousness made me nervous.

" Allright then, Vector…to me, this potion is scentless, if you must know and cannot contain your curiosity."

"My ass….how?" I blurted out.

"No love interest, that is how," he said simply, in a low, deep voice.

"Oh." My mouth formed an "o" in astonishment.

"Would you like to know what I did smell, years ago, when I was in love…once?" He asked quietly and the look he gave me doubled the trepidation and shock I received when he said, er, what the hell he just said to me…_had I just heard wrong?_

"Er, not particularly…no thanks, Snape. I assured him of this. No need to dwell.

He cut me off and said,"…the perfume that she wore for years. Not that she ever needed any because her own smell appealed to me so strongly…and freshly laundered clothes…that muggle fabric softener smell…."

I didn't believe him. He wore the same robes _all of the time…what a liar!_

"Well, what happened to her…the object of your affection?"

"She is dead, Vector. And I will never smell that smell again. Only from memory…regarding this particular draft, the person has to be living or one smells nothing identifiable…nothing distinct." He looked a bit strained.

Dammit…why was I feeling _sorry _for him?

"I had Potions with her…I never, ever told her….and that was true… until most recently."

Most recently what? It couldn't be that he attempted to launder his robes, could it?

"I brewed Amortentia for a class…and I do believe I detected a faint, a very faint aroma…" he informed me in a matter of fact fashion.

"Really?" I scoffed.

He nodded silently.

"Does that mean?"

"I dearly hope not, however, one does not exactly have control over such things…surely you would agree with me, Vector?" And he eyed me pointedly.

"Ok, Snape, hold your hippogriffs, for just one second there." I held up a hand in protest.

"You were saying, Vector…" One black eyebrow raised.

"Now, this is me, _me_, Vector. Septima…Vector….whom you hate with undying enmity. I was, er, touched by your story so I wish to give you a piece of advice. This is not going to work for you. And as your friend…er, colleague, let me help you out by saying that you just started to talk about your interest in some girl whom you were in love with when you were younger, and then you start talking about some new scents. Ok, now, the part about you smelling something again…if you tell the girl you now like what you just told me…you don't have a chance in hell of ensnaring her, er, her liking you back….just saying…er, hope it helps."

I rambled like an insane person.

Because I was dying to know…_who the hell it was?_

And then I realized that I might…I just might be a little jealous.

And then it hit me…and believe me, I have never cursed myself so hard in my life. I, er, had a reaction, to this surprising news and revelations.

An involuntary and highly unpredictable one…

I started to dry heave. My breath was coming in gasps, and I started to wave my hands around my face…like a crazy person. And for some reason, I couldn't help it.

And Snape, well, he looked a bit nervous at my hyperventilating.

"Are you all right? What the hell is the matter, Vector?" he asked, wide-eyed.

I said nothing because I couldn't speak.

"Sit down."

"No." It came out through a stricken voice.

"Sit, Vector, or I will hex you if I have to," he demanded but he looked concerned.

"I have calming draft…" he tried again, and swept off to a cupboard to remove a glass vial.

"Need air…" I just barely got out of my windpipe.

"Well, go then, I will finish up…I would hate to tell Dumbledore, though."

The manipulative skunk!

"Oh, so you… will be meeting… with him… this… evening?" It was passing. I was at least making sentences again.

"No, I have…other business but perhaps before I leave…" he offered, watching me carefully.

I was breathing heavier again. _He was going to the Dark Lord…it was never safe…_

He took a step toward me and looked even more unsure of what to do or what I would let him do to aid me.

"Really now, what is all this? Did something happen before you came here? You look as though you've seen a lethifold," but his voice was calm and humoring.

"Maybe you should lie down, Vector. You look pale and…"

"NO!" I was not lying in his bed. The bed he was surely going to use with someone else. If he refrained from telling her his life story and how some chit from Hogwarts had turned him down. Perhaps he did have a shot. Always said the black eyes were sexy…honestly…

"I am having a bad reaction to some potion," I lied, forgetting that I hadn't…

"You fool… you didn't ingest anything, and the only thing that can affect individuals even without ingestion was the Amortentia."

"That must be it then." And I didn't recall that being what the students in his NEWT level were brewing that week.

And this made me very nervous now

He tutted. "There are no known allergins in ingredients that compose Amortentia. Actually, most find it quite pleasant. A rush of familiar, attractive smells…"

"Er, not me." I shook my head violently.

He looked at me, a bit troubled troubled, and then I looked away.

"I have never known you to act like this. Tell me what happened to you. What is bothering you, Septima?"

Why did the slight sound of coercion in his voice bother me? I hadn't detected it before.

"Nothing."

"I can't be just the fumes. Did someone say something to you?"

"No, but I did have a bad dream the other night. It unsettled…or…"

He was up to something, so I decided I need a little insurance. And I also knew I had to play up how much the fumes were bothering me. Unbelievable as it may be. because the bastard was smarter than that. Smarter than me…

Why the fu…_why was I telling him this?_

"You must be patient with them then. It is to be expected in these times. Remind yourself that is all it is, and you will forget it eventually. We all do," he said soothingly.

I summoned a vial near a table and transfigured it into a clothespin…for my nose.

He looked at me, fearful.

"Vector, what in Merlin's name are you doing. Have you gone daft?"

I shook my head which was difficult with a tight clothespin currently on my nose.

He gave a vicious, amused smirk and then continued. It looked as though something had just occurred to him.

"What _do_ you smell Vector? Or rather tell me what you _did _smell?"

Defeat, I wanted to say. Desperation… hopelessness… what _did _they smell like?

"Oh, flowers, the wind…. long walks on the beach…" I lied and refrained from making eye contact with him.

"No, I'm afraid you don't," he informed me coldly, and apparently unconvinced.

"How would _you _know? You know so much that you even know what I smell now?" I laid it on thick.

And then I realized that I had goofed again. The moron was talking to me in circles and now I was distracted, just enough for him to look in my eyes and sense that…

"I can tell." His gaze penetrated mine.

"Er, what?" I tried to play dumb.

"You are lying to me again. Is this becoming a bad habit Vector?" He sing-songed nastily.

"Allright fine, then. I smell my toad, my owl, my…."

"Liar," he whispered silkily.

"Ok, what then?" I crossed my arms, livid. I sounded ridiculous with a clothespin on my nose, deterring my pronunciation.

"That is not what I saw." He said it very plainly.

"What did you see, Snape, like Trelawney now, are we?"

He didn't answer me.

,

"What did you see you bloody moron?" I stamped my foot impatiently and realized I just acted like I was five.

And then the look he gave me was…hard. He looked as if he would like nothing more than to…

"Bluebells, because they are your favorite flower…pumpkin juice, because I gather that I see you drinking it in the Great Hall, and…" he paused, "because you spend your time guarding and inspecting it by the off chance you believe I would slip something, and something else perhaps…"

"Jasmine? my favorite perfume…" Like a dolt I yelled this out.

"Yes, that would seem so. Well, it is rather late Vector and we need to get up early tomorrow. I rather think that will be all."

Why was I being dismissed. He was trying to make a point and then…

"Fine, bye. I've had enough this evening. And you did something to me…I will get to the bottom of this…and you can kiss my bloddy arse while you're at it!" I was enraged, he was toying with me.

But he was once again, calm and quiet.

"I could. But then I would most likely be fired for making advances toward a colleague, and knowing our Headmaster, he would probably issue a statement that I resigned." He rolled his eyes.

I turned a violent shade of purple-red. I know I did…

"I shall never talk to you again." I mouthed in disbelief. "Because you are an asshole,Snape."

"However, we did learn a lot. Did we not, this evening?" He ignored me, and my foul language.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I spluttered. "And why am I still talking to you? Didn't I just curse you and make it clear that I never wish to speak to you again."

"Somewhat clear…with the colorful language you incoherently spew that strongly resembles rowdy patrons at the Hog's Head in the early hours of a Saturday I would imagine." He appeared perfectly unruffled.

"And I have no idea, just so you know. I was just making conversation, Vector."

I wish I could just smack that smirk off of his face!

"Whatever, Snape. I have had enough. Good night!" I turned on my heel and fled.

I saw myself out and shut the door walking quickly to my rooms. Wouldn't due for imaginations to run wild at Hogwarts if anyone saw my leaving his rooms this late…

And then it occurred to me…his last statements…was the?

Was the bloody moron trying to hint to me what he had smelled?

_Oh…dear….Merlin…_


	12. Chapter 12: The Standoff

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 12: The Standoff**

It's official…

I am not talking to the sonofabitch.

Again.

_Ever._

And, he is not talking to me.

Er, not that he hasn't tried…but he really has no choice in the matter, because you can't talk to someone if they won't talk to you.

It did, however, take Snape a few attempts to let this fact sink in.

But as for me, it was bliss. No worries now. I should have really decided to do this earlier. For my pride, my nerves, and my sanity...he can't ask me _anything. _

I don't have to hear about the staring…I will be oblivious to his attempts to tell me what he _knows…_veritaserum…fat chance that I would drink anything that he could slip me because we are currently not on speaking terms. And legilimancy…count that out too…because we are not _talking…_which usually would require a bit of facing someone and eye contact.

And when he said he _could _kiss my ass but he would most likely be fired and then rolled his eyes…let's add potential sexual harassment to be avoided in the equation as well.

The greasy fool…

FOOL PROOF! I am safe…

Safe from Severus Snape.

I wasn't easy though…my triumph.

Actually, some could say that is was, in some small way, a victory over the Dark Arts…

Because the asshole tried several times to talk to me.

And then, the bloody staff got involved.

But victory sometimes requires a hard road to be travelled.

And so it was with Snape.

I had told him, after my encounter with Amortentia, and our quest to save people from spattergroit, that I would never talk to him again.

I fully exercised this option the very next morning at breakfast in the Great Hall.

Just because a confirmed Death Eater needed to be put in his place, while wearing the same bloody robes he wore _all of the time!_

And I had none other than my good friend, Aurora Sinistra, to back me up.

Aurora and I entered the double doors to the Great Hall and took our seats. I sat in my usual seat on the left of Snape and Aurora switched with the Muggle Studies professor who looked perplexed but seemed grateful for the change.

Of course, she did, she was probably celebrating her ass off too that she wouldn't have to sit near Snape and be subject to his silent, slow eating, and consistent smirking, broken only by routine glares at Potter and the Gryffindor table from time to time.

When we approached our seats and conversed quickly with Charity who took Aurora's old seat, Snape was privy to the entire exchange because he prided himself on being early and always being on time for meals.

"Vector…Sinistra." He nodded at both of us as he said our names, because this is how the awkward fool greeted us.

I sat down, making a grand show of pulling in my chair, and unfolding my napkin with sweeping gestures as I placed the now opened napkin gracefully on my lap.

"Good morning, Severus," replied Sinistra, as she reached for her teacup.

I said nothing and stared ahead.

The black eyebrow rose instantaneously.

He was now staring at me with purpose, which I chose to ignore.

I raised my arms with airily and very much like a ballerina and casually poured some pumpkin juice into a goblet.

I noticed that the silence was stifling and he continued to look at me.

He whipped out his wand and wordlessly waved it at me.

The staff turned around abruptly when I yelled out. "Hey, are you crazy, what the hell are you doing?"

"Ah, so you can talk….I was just checking for magic. So, you are not presently under the langlock spell. Good for you, Vector."

And I was right pissed because I talked to him, but then I rationalized that I was provoked and caught off guard by the wand in my face so it didn't count and I could start again.

The staff shook their heads and resumed their conversations.

I refused and made it a point to not look at Dumbledore who was grinning in amusement.

I took a sip of the pumpkin juice that had almost spilled when I noticed Snape pointing a wand in my direction and then turned to Aurora.

"Aurora, did you hear something?" I asked sweetly.

"Er, no, er did you?" She shrugged in exasperation and played along. But in annoyance I noticed that she gave Snape a sympathetic look.

"Must be me then." I replied wistfully as I reached for the hot toast and homemade butter churned by the elves by hand, not by magic, I might add.

It was delicious!

"Yes, it must be your foolish antics," replied Snape, rolling his eyes.

I smirked but said nothing.

"So, you are sticking to your resolve to have nothing further to do with me, I gather?"

And now he looked amused.

What I wouldn't do to reach for my own wand and hex that stupid smirk off of his face!

I said nothing.

"And how long in your delusional mind do you believe this is going to last?" He continued to smirk and looked at me.

I did not reply as I munched delicately on a piece of toast.

"Your diligence and self-restraint is deplorable, as you very well know. I don't even give your resolve this entire breakfast hour. You cannot maintain it…thought you should know."

The greasy asshole leaned over to me and whispered in my ear so only I could hear.

Apparently, I didn't wish to make anything obvious so I had just moved Aurora closer to me and still sat in my appointed seat next to Snape.

That would change by my hand at lunch time.

There was no other way!

I decided to be proactive.

""Rora, did you hear anything?"

"No, Septima. I didn't…must be you again."

And I turned and gave her a hurt yet stunned look.

"Whose side are you on?" I whispered menacingly.

I noted that the bloody moron snorted into his pumpkin juice evilly and in amusement.

I wouldn't drink that if I were him, with that large hook nose.

"So, Aurora, eight o'clock then?"

"Sure, Mia, the Three Broomsticks it is." And I smiled at her because she was back on track now, and had given me a smile after her last retort that said "she was with me on this."

We were going out tonight. Finally. And let me just say that I don't care if the whole school gets infected with spattergroit. I hadn't been out in two weeks and it was a go.

And Severus Snape wasn't going to stop me this time!

However, when he finished his breakfast and rose to nod in our direction, which I ignored, a sinking feeling told me that my quest was far from over.

I still had to survive lunch and dinner.

Pity I don't know anyone with that name that is currently employed here.


	13. Chapter 13: Duly Noted

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 13: Duly Noted**

_**Lunch…the Great Hall**_

So after my last class before lunch, Aurora and I had to speak with Flitwick to tell him that I would be, er, _asking_ him if he would switch seats with me at Lunch. Now in order for Aurora to sit next to me we also had to find Sprout so she could switch with Charity and Aurora could take her place next to my new seat which used to be Flitwick's.

This was exhausting, I had to admit.

And I was quite put out after working out the seating particulars and wondered how I could do this every day for three meals for the rest of my life, or until I retired from Hogwarts, which had no retirement age.

I cursed Snape to myself.

Aurora and I were now seated in the Great Hall several seats away from Snape who appeared non-plussed.

I rejoiced and pretended I hadn't noticed out of the corner of my eye that Flitwick and Sprout were initiating conversation with Snape at their end of the table.

Their treachery and treasonous activities toward me would be duly noted in future.

I really don't care if they had taught him and felt sorry for him at times.

I reached for the roasted chicken and carefully selected a baked potato when it hit me.

And it wasn't a great idea about how to avoid him for the last time at dinner.

"What the…" I exclaimed, as the purple note hit me in the head.

My fork was still stuck in the baked potato that I had let go of when I was assaulted.

I didn't have to look over to guess who the note was from.

I opened it carelessly.

_Vector,_

_You are ridiculous._

_Thought you should know…_

_Severus Snape_

I made sure that my chicken and the baked potato was safely on my plate before I withdrew my wand. I thought the message I wanted to convey and then lightly tapped the purple paper. I tapped it twice more to have it fold in on itself and then to send it sailing back to…the ugly professor whose name escapes me at the moment.

_Dear Stranger,_

_Severus who?_

_I know nobody by that name._

_By the way…_

_I believe I made it clear that I wish to have no further communication with you, and I believe that notes count as communication._

_Are you that thick?_

_Sincerely,_

_Vector_

And when it sailed away I cringed as an afterthought occurred to me. Why in the rush and anger of the moment had I put sincerely?

Er, that was pretty dumb of me.

Snape opened it and the asshole showed Flitwick and Sprout who giggled over his shoulder thinking it was cute that we weren't talking, and had had an adorable little spat.

And then I visibly blanched, turned red, and almost choked on my chicken, when Sprout called out over to me.

"Dear, you know it won't last. You two are as thick as thieves…it will pass."

I gave her a tight smile and turned around.

I noted that the unidentified professor smirked victoriously at me and his dark look also said, "I told you so, you blithering fool."

I went back to my chicken and baked potato in defeat.

At least one can't perform a walk of shame if you are seated currently.

And Aurora had said nothing thus far.

Loved her, but she wasn't much of a morale booster to our _cause._

Surely, a small victory, in the name of the Dark Arts.

No matter. This would be so far from my mind when we were out at the Three Broomsticks this very evening.

And I was lost in thought until another purple note soared past me, circled me, and then nudged me in the temple.

"Bloody effing showoff!" I murmured.

I really did have to work on my language.

He made me do it. The anonymous professor, whose name I forget at the present time.

"Septima," cringed Aurora,"the students…"

I really had to talk to her about her mutinous activities as well.

Not helping.

The purple note was now nudging me more vigorously, taunting me to open it. It twirled around and then lunged at me. Then it seemed that the more I reached for it the more it seemed to try and dodge me as it danced away from my grasp.

Can I say what a complete idiot I looked like as I kept trying to grab at it?

If I stopped reaching for it, it nudged me consistently, almost impatiently.

Never thought that notes could be…impudent.

"Severus…really…" Aurora looked at him in exasperation.

"Aurora, could you please tell the fool, whose name escapes me, that I can't open the damned note, unless the note stops its nonsense?" I gave her a look that told her she needed to speak with _him._

The Death Eater guy.

Unfortunately, he and the rest of the amused table heard me because I must have been loud in my frustration.

He muttered something, touching his wand in his cloak, and the note fell onto my plate of food.

"Well, the bastard, supposedly has great aim at any other time….losing his touch I would imagine…"

The staff could only shake their heads or chuckle lightly, and I was really angry at him for involving other people because now I believed we looked sort of immature and stupid.

Why, oh, why can't I just be allowed to be professional, adult, and just be permitted to avoid someone? Why couldn't he just leave me the hell alone and get on with it. Why did he have to embarrass me in front of the staff?

And somewhere, deep down, something came to me, an answer, but I was so shocked that I pushed it from my mind.

It would never work…

I took the note from my plate and read…

_Vector,_

_Before you two hags go off on your merry way this evening…_

_There is a Head of House meeting at 9:00 and since you are my _

_unofficial assistant, you are required to attend. The other member_

_of the newly formed Old Maid and Spinster Club at Hogwarts, Sinista, can_

_wait undoubtedly, until we are quite finished._

_I promise you will only be an hour. Perhaps I am touched. I can't fathom how_

_all of the bachelors in Hogsmeade could possibly survive without you being present_

_for an hour._

_I consider it a service to the community, surely._

_Oh, and I have already spoken to McGonagall who agrees with me that you should attend._

_But then again, if that is an issue, you could always try to convince her otherwise._

_Good luck with that._

_Severus Snape_

And now my face was red. And I turned towards the asshole enraged. And I noted that the note was clenched in my fist and I looked at it and began to tear it in a frenzy that seemed to frighten those around me.

And I noticed that a certain asshole was trying not to smile.

And that a certain Transfiguration professor had finished her lunch and was walking towards me.

"Are you finished, Professor Vector." She eyed me curiously.

"Think so," I retorted still livid.

"Very well, lunch is over, come with me."

I believe she almost frog-marched me out of the Great Hall in disgrace.

Because there was no doubt in regard to the spectators that I had lost The Battle of the Silent Standoff…

I followed McGonagall out, refusing to look over at him or Aurora who looked sorry for me.

We reached the double doors to exit the Great Hall when McGonagall stopped.

"Whatever is this nonsense with you and Severus?" She snorted but looked amused.

I used my most offhand, nonchalant voice. "Minerva, I know nobody of that name who works here."

"Will you both stop it!" Her nostrils flared. "I am starting to confuse you both with third years." And then she saw my face and softened a bit.

"Just know that I _know_…I know him since he was a boy and how difficult he can be. This is probably bothering him more than you could ever know. He thinks of you, I believe, as a friend. He really talks to no one else. You have to humor him."

"I think I am done with that…wasn't working for me…" I hung my head.

"You don't have to come to the meeting, Septima. I will make your excuses."

"Thank you." I said with gratitude.

"But you owe me. It will not be pleasant. He will not be,er, quite so understanding. You know how he is."

_Too bad_, I thought. _Too bad._


	14. Chapter 14: Wash That Git Right Out of

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 14: Wash That Git Right Out of My Hair**

Fine.

I'm a coward. I'll own it.

I didn't go to dinner in the Great Hall.

Instead, I decided to barricade myself in my rooms until I met Aurora at the Three Broomsticks.

I spent most of my time peering out the peephole of my door to check for notes soaring in the direction of the entrance to my quarters at Hogwarts.

Because it was shortly before dinner and my seat was vacant in the Great Hall.

It had not been easy.

Well, I was hungry and knew I had to eat something before I left because I was avoiding dinner.

I also heard that the elves were making my favorite soup this evening which I wouldn't be able to try.

Dobby encouraged new recipes from time to time along with the old favorites.

I cursed Snape silently.

And hoped he choked on the delectable potato and leek soup that I would not be sampling this evening at any rate.

Or…maybe I could still?

Not many people know this but the staff have charmed objects of their choosing in their rooms. The best way to describe it would be like a vocal portkey. If one needed to contact the elves in the kitchen one could speak into it and call for a request that would reach the kitchens, that were located all the way in the lower realm of the castle near the Hufflepuff common room and dormitories.

When I first got here I had nothing unpacked really, when an elf showed me to my rooms, so all I could grab was the stuffed hippogriff doll that a relative had given me as a child.

I looked a bit foolish talking to a stuffed doll, but the elf, I hoped would not tell anybody.

Well, Aurora's was a picture of Gilderoy Lockhart, so perhaps mine wasn't quite so daft.

Now this is elf magic, so I really had to call a representative to my room one day to change the object. He had done it on the spot in case I needed anything and then left me to unpack.

Perhaps a hairbrush, a figurine, something less ridiculous was warranted in future.

No matter. I had to eat. The fare at the Broomsticks was so-so and Aurora and I wished to have a drink or two and have fun.

And Aurora was eating. She was currently sitting with the Potions Master whose name escapes me in the Great Hall having dinner, so I was on my own with this.

I picked up the doll where it was hiding in a closet.

One time, on a day leading up the staff Valentine's grab bag, Snape had entered my rooms in the wee hours of the morning.

Nothing happened…thank Merlin…

He searched my rooms for vampire paraphernalia and had come across the doll and the complete works of Gilderoy Lockhart.

I assured everyone that the books had also been a gift.

Blackmail material that he still teased me about on occasion…

I will never get the image out of my mind of how he opened the closet and his reaction when he saw these particular possessions.

His eyes had widened in surprise and the lip curled up at the side because he apparently thought it was hilarious.

It wasn't the smirk lip style, it was the one where he was amused, but it would still constitute a smirk.

Asshole!

He hadn't told anyone.

I hope.

Anyway, time to place my order.

I now had the doll in my hands and I stroked the feathers. This was to activate the magical connection to the kitchens and let them know which staff member was making a request.

Merlin, can you imagine which object Filch's is?

Er…

"Yes, Miss?" I heard the voice of an elf coming out of the hippogriff's beak.

"Er, hello, there…it is Miss Vector…hope you are not too busy because I realize dinner is being served in the Great Hall…"

"No Miss. We always have some elves ready in case a special need arises."

Were they not adorable and perfect?

Yes, this was a special need…an emergency more like. Avoiding Snape was an emergency by far.

"Right, that is wonderful. I am unable to go to the Great Hall. May I have some potato leek soup, some of those crackers, half a bacon sandwich with lettuce and tomato, and a small flagon of pumpkin juice, please?" I asked nicely.

"Of course, Miss. Right away!" said the elf cheerfully.

I glanced at the mirror to my left and believed that as I saw myself talking to the stuffed hippogriff's beak I looked like a bloody moron!

I had to change this before Snape found out!

I put the bird down and decided to get my clothes ready as I waited for the order to arrive.

I then went to my bathroom and started the water for a shower.

And then I was excited because I realized that I could also try the new perfume and the shampoo I had just concocted.

It was my hobby, creating scents and finding just the right ingredients, for toiletries. It was relaxing and I think I had a penchant for this because I always bottled them and gave them to the staff who raved about them.

Well, really the women, Sprout, McGonagall, Aurora, and even Flitwick loved the men's cologne I made him too.

And they even hinted that should I ever decide to gift Severus, the shampoo would be a good start…

Heh, heh, heh….

It was a shame. To be blessed with black, truly black hair, no red or brown highlights, that most women would kill for, that some women dyed to try to emulate….and then just let it get greasy and stringy from time to time.

I took note of his hair, er, when I had the crush on him. Sometimes it fell in silky curtains around his face. Almost framing it…it had been attractive to me…once.

And, because I was in a generous mood, I noted that on days when he was busy brewing various potions, busy days when he might even had like 6 cauldrons going at once, that was when his hair looked greasy and became a mess.

But screw him…I can't stand him…I will perpetuate the myth that it was because he never showered or did so infrequently.

Could have been very nice to him, if he had let me.

Oh, well.

There was a knock on the door.

I left the bathroom.

And then there were several knocks.

And then sharp, rigorous tapping at my door.

It persisted.

I reached the peephole and looked out.

I saw a lovely silver tray being held by Dobby. It had my flagon of pumpkin juice, and three silver covered plates, a crystal goblet, silverware, linen, and a small crystal vase with a flower in it, and a copy of the Prophet.

And I also saw Winky assisting, who never left Dobby's side. He was so sweet to look after her.

And I also saw an owl.

The only owl at Hogwarts who sneered.

And this one looked surly and annoyed and had a piece of parchment in his claws, that he balanced expertly while still tapping rudely on my door.

Merlin's beard…it was Charon…

The name I feared almost as much as You-Know-Who's.

Charon, was Snape's gormless owl.

And now I cursed both Snape and his owl because I would now starve.

Because there was no way I was opening the door to take that piece of parchment that was undoubtedly a nasty, jeering message from the Potions Master-that-will-not-be-named-because-I-was-avoiding-him-at-all-costs!

"Er, Dobby, thanks…just leave it outside…"

"But it will be cold, Miss, and I believe you have an owl with a message, Miss."

"Whatever, just ignore the beast! I am." I called out into the hallway from behind the door in fear.

Charon smirked and continued to pound on my door.

"I believe he will not leave until he delivers his message, Miss."

"Well, let him stay there. Maybe his nails will fall out."

Charon eyed me venomously and continued his knocking.

"Miss, are you well? Please open the door and let me help you, Miss."

"Dobby…I can't….you can't help me, Dobby, no one can," And I noted that I sounded a bit too dramatic. "It's…it's not just an owl…that horrid creature, you have no idea, my innocent friend…"

"Very well, Miss. When you wish to eat, I will leave something next to the plate. Ask for warmth and it will heat your soup."

Ahhh…elf magic…My Dobby was on Team Vector…the darling…

"Thank you, Dobby, oh, and Charon, if you don't refrain from trying to break my door down, I will tell Dumbledore. Tell your master, whose name I forget, that I will not open anything coming from him or you."

Charon ignored me and rolled his eyes.

The elves had left but not the owl.

"Charon, dammit, is there not a slot to drop the parchment. You are both nuisances. Drop it off then and leave me in peace, but I'm not opening the door."

Charon continued to tap riotously.

I went into the shower. I would get ready. I hoped he tapped until his nails fell out of his claws!

And I opened the shampoo. Lavender, lilac, and freesia…should have been calming and soothing…the hint of rosemary and…

I could still hear the tapping through the water.

And that is when I began to seethe. My temper flaring…the pads of my fingers scrubbing more aggressively into my scalp because I was starting to lose it ,what with the incessant scratching and noise…

The sonofabitch…would I even have a door left? It was probably full of holes and scratches now and I had just had it re-finished by my sweet elf friends a month ago.

I rinsed, pushing my hair violently around in the shower.

The tapping continued…

I put on a robe and grabbed one of the many bottles of shampoo from a cabinet where I kept the stuff I made, when Snape actually let me borrow his cauldrons.

Another victory over the Dark Arts and surely one for personal hygiene…I mused.

The castle was amazing. All of the doors to the staff's quarters were magically enchanted and secure. Nobody could get in or bring anything in besides the mail.

That is not to say that stuff can't go out through the door and into the hallway though…

I sprinted toward the door and grabbed my wand before I did.

"Here you go, Charon, a parting gift… for your Master."

But, in magic, force, emotion, and control are elements involved in successful and er, accurate casting of spells.

When I magicked the bottle of shampoo out the door I had intended on it reaching Charon.

I had not intended, when I once again peered out of the peephole, for half the bottled to have drenched the bird in purple goo-like shampoo.

And I knew, as the owl turned to flee to the dungeons, purple body in tow…

That Snape was going to kill me.

He cared for that bastard owl much like the Dark Lord and Nagini.

Well, if the bird had a Dark Mark, it was most likely a Gilderoy Lochart shade of purple now.


	15. Chapter 15: The Battle Rages On

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 15: The Battle Rages On**

Oh, dear Merlin! Here it comes…

And several things happened one after another.

First, Snape walked _in._

Second, I spilled my drink due to the shock that I sustained and gillywater splattered over my dress.

Third, the three very handsome wizards that were sitting with us were approached by a fourth, who whispered into their ears and then, though they excused themselves politely and left, I knew something was amiss.

And lastly, the asshole came to our table and sat down smugly in one of the now empty seats.

And second to last…I decided to start drinking firewhiskey because surely gillywater wasn't going to cut it now that Snape was here.

The Standoff ended…when I barked at him.

"You are like a cursed amulet or something. You enter…and the table clears." I shrugged and said morosely.

He looked at me and the corner of his mouth was lifting upwards. "Of course they left. Need I remind you that there is an outbreak of spattergroit in the castle, and I believed it was my duty to inform them that you might have been exposed, and quite possibly might be in the incubation period which is, regrettably, a highly contagious stage. I spoke with a man towards the entrance and he conscientiously acted," he offered softly.

"THERE IS NO OUTBREAK OF SPATTERGROIT …YOU BLOODY _MORON!"_

"My mistake," he said in a low voice. "And perhaps you are right. Two may not exactly justify the term I used, oh, what was it again….yes, of course, epidemic. Ah, well, it is the thought that counts as they say. Just taking precautionary measures, one would think. Suppose it was a bit too much caution on my part. Alas, the poor Hogsmeade bachelors…"

I was fuming…I couldn't speak.

Even Aurora was looking at him in horror at his audacity, speechless herself.

"Don't pout. There are other fish in the sea…perhaps, I should say in this case…other creatures in the Forbidden Forest."

The slight smile was sweet, taunting, and vindictive.

I gripped the glass of firewhiskey that Aurora had gotten for me when she called a server over. Either that or I would punch him. _Hard._

"But no matter…I am here to escort you both."

"Where?" cried Aurora.

"I am not going anywhere with you," I shrieked.

"My apologies, but Dumbledore said you had to. It was not prudent to send for you utilizing a patronus while you two were out gallivanting in a pub on a school night, no less. Not a very good idea considering we are a secret organization and you are out in a very public and sordid place amongst questionable people and probably partaking in dubious activities. I told the Headmaster that I would seek you out on your brainless venture and fetch you myself. There is an emergency meeting at…"

And because he wasn't the secret keeper he could not utter the place.

But naturally I knew what he meant.

I was no longer angry with him because it had to be important.

We already had money out on the now vacant table so we rose, put on our cloaks, and exited the door of the pub.

I was about to turn on the spot when he grabbed my arm.

"I have not forgotten. We will discuss the shampoo, my owl, and your skipping out on the Head of House meeting…later."

I glared at him and the three of us apparated to Grimmauld Place.

_**12 Grimmauld Place…the living room…**_

And what I have to say next cannot be prefaced with anything except…Men are bloody morons.

Most of the Order was there. Kingsley was on important business and was not. Lupin was a bit weak because a cycle of the moon had just ended. Tonks was on her way back from her scheduled watch. It was late and I had no idea how I was going to get up for work the next day.

Dumbledore had not started the meeting yet. He went to another room to talk to Doge before we officially started. All I could gather as I waited in the living room for Dumbledore to return was that more people were being suspected of acting under the Imperius curse, a few more had disappeared, Dumbledore was about to tell us our next move, and Harry would be taking some more private lessons with Snape.

The children were on the verge of ascending the stairs, having been shooed by Molly when it happened.

Sirius started in with Snape about the previous few lessons and how it concerned him because Harry was his godson.

The room grew quiet.

"I suppose you realize that he is extraordinarily like his father." Snape informed Sirius in a slow, stinging delivery.

"Yes, he is, and I am proud of it, and of him," Sirius nodded his affirmation firmly and glared at Snape.

"I didn't mean it in a complimentary fashion, Black,"said Snape, his tone making it very clear that he believed Sirius was dim.

"Wouldn't expect you too…" snarled Sirius.

"The resemblance is uncanny as is his arrogance and conceit," and Snape's softer, venomous tone could not be more biting and acidic.

"And _who _do you think you _are _insulting my godson and my best friend in my own house, Snivellus?" Sirius shouted at Snape and moved closer to him, clenching his fists at his sides.

"Don't…call me, Snivellus." The voice was wispy but a bit louder now, and the eyes were dangerous as he gave Sirius a nasty, hard, piercing look. His black eyes were narrowing into slits.

"I believe I just did. _Snivellus."_

Snape drew his wand as did Sirius.

"Hey. Enough already, are you both mad?" I said nervously.

"Step aside, Vector. Do not get involved. I'm almost quite finished here."

It appeared that Snape did not have to wait for Dumbledore. They met privately and Dumbledore could relay information to him at anytime.

"You're not going anywhere, you arse… until you swear to not bother Harry."

"Sirius, the language!" admonished Molly.

"How foolish of you to waste your breath on giving an order to me or to anyone else, as if you have earned it, what with your hiding out in your mummy's house," spat Snape derisively.

And that was the straw that almost broke the git's face.

For Sirius used _expelliarmus _in his attempt to take his wand and Snape very quickly reacted in kind.

The dual spells cast made both wands fly across the living room.

They both tried to summon their wands back to them at the same time.

Severus was a bit faster and cast _accio_ silently.

It didn't matter much.

"Oh, no you don't.."

Sirius grabbed him and slammed him into a wall while still joining him against the wall.

Snape grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and roughly shoved him off.

And then they were at it.

Sirius grabbed him again and Snape threw off his hands. His skinny frame deceptive… he was strong.

Was Sirius daft? True, he was big and a bit taller, but didn't he know that this bastard was a Death Eater in training since infancy? Merlin only knew what he had seen and done for the Dark Lord over the years…I messed with him only because I got away with it…and had a very bad temper around Snape.

And for some reason, though he was the nastiest piece of work I had ever encountered…he was usually respectful, even if distant, to women…

Er, just not children.

And, er, not exactly to me or Aurora even.

But he believed us to be hags…and me, a hag and a vampire which I'm not sure is possible.

I just never got around to sending that owl to the Scamanders to ask them this.

Anyway…he was always polite and courteous to McGonagall, Hooch, Sprout…and might I add Charity Burbage…which I would also like to add, pissed me off to no end when I had a crush on him. Not anymore though.

And do you believe this? For Merlin's sake, I've done nothing to him, and he is probably still a Death Eater and she teaches Muggle Studies, and I heard that the Death Eaters don't approve of the subject. And he once said _excuse me_ to her when he went to pass a dish to McGonagall and he bumped her elbow by accident.

And me…I am just a pile of bubotuber puss. I have never gotten an "oh, excuse me, Vector," unless it was a sarcastic, "Excuse _me,_ Miss, and (insert creature name or insult)."

And he ribbed McGonagall genially about quidditch and I was ribbed in what could never be construed as kidding.

But this Charity thing…really…gets on my nerves…

Anyway…

The Order…did not get involved.

Maybe fear, shock, I don't know what.

"My money's on Snape. He's finally lost it. Better odds," shouted Fred from the landing of the stairs.

"Sirius is bigger…" said Fletcher, unmoved by the violent scene, as he called back up to Fred Weasley.

"For Merlin's sake…they are going to _kill _each other. Oh, I wish Kingsley were here. Please stop it…now, really…" shouted Molly in a panic.

And in our surprise, I thought later, how we had all forgotten to disturb Dumbledore who was talking to Doge and I believed it was important info for the Order.

Dumbledore was the only person Snape listened to and Sirius revered him too.

He would have probably charmed both their asses into next week and stopped this with a lazy flick of his wand.

I had a hand over my mouth and I could only stare in horror. Lupin, who was too weak, called out to Sirius to stop, as we all dodged out of their way.

Sirius punched the wall. Well, he aimed for Snape's nose but he had steered himself out of the way instinctively.

Walburga was screaming from her portrait as was Molly.

"Both nutters…if Mum were screaming at us like that…Sirius has no idea what she'll do to him when it's over…" offered George from landing. "Poor fellow…"

Ron and Hermione were restraining Harry who wished to come to the aid of his godfather, not worrying as they did about retribution from Snape at a later date.

And then they were joined again and there went several Black family heirlooms that had crashed to the ground.

They were now on the ground.

"Stop it!" yelled Aurora. " Stop it… _now."_

Moody shot fireworks out of his wand and it did nothing.

"Let these jackasses…kill themselves, acting like they're five?" He waved a hand at them in disgust.

And then I jumped on the couch and took action, relieved that the couch hadn't been thrown or turned over yet.

Somebody had to, and I had to admit that I didn't believe he would lay a hand on me in anger if I tried to intervene.

Er, I hoped.

And, er, so did Arthur as Molly pleaded with him using her eyes. He wasn't in the best shape and she hadn't wanted him to enter the physical altercation, but she saw no way to cease it.

"On the count of three," he muttered softly to me, "…1…2…3."

He jumped on Sirius and held him back the same time that I jumped piggyback onto Snape to stop him.

I felt him stiffen up and he lowered his arms. I believed he was about to stop because I had my arms around his neck from behind and I was sitting on his back with my legs wrapped around him to hold myself steady.

It was most unfortunate that Sirius bucked at the same time and saw his chance to ram into Snape in the distraction and the only person who went flying…

Er, was me…

And I crashed from my great height to the ground…right into an old suit or armor that had been moved from the hallway.

And this is what stopped them as they stared down at me in amazement.

"_Vector!"_ shouted Snape. "Why would you…?"

"Septima, I am sorry luv. Really I am… are you all right?" asked Sirius sounding like a small child.

But Snape cut across him and picked me up.

A little too snuggly for my liking, I might add.

"Ouch!"

"What is it?" He looked at me with a mixture of concern and shock and perhaps a bit of embarrassment.

"My ankle…thanks guys…"

Sirius sulked and kept saying "sorry" over and over again.

Snape looked a bit upset and when he waved his wand and chanted over my ankle, I knew what a good healer he was, and because he did it, he'd do a good job of it.

"I should really let Pomfrey touch me…you dolt."

"No, I was the cause…just please stop and let me look at it again." It was barely a whisper. "And wait…you have a cut on your face."

And as he kept touching my ankle and pressing different points, I got the feeling that he was overdoing it a bit.

So that was my night out with Aurora. I partook in a fistfight between a Death Eater and a convicted felon who was currently on the run with a bounty on his head. I was thrown headfirst into a suit of armor, and the men of Hogsmeade think I have a contagious disease. And the only male attention I got to wrap up my fun-filled evening was that from Severus Snape, who I was groped by while I was on the floor amongst a broken suit of armor.

I felt the first tear start when he stopped feeling my ankle up to look at the cut on my chin.


	16. Chapter 16: My Hag in Shining Armour?

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 16: My Hag in Shining Armour?**

_**The Arithmancy office…Hogwarts…**_

Thankfully, I was now back in my office. I was safe…safe, but hardly emerging from this evening unscathed.

The bloody moron had just _tried to kiss me._

I must admit he was smooth.

But I was ready and prepared.

And he didn't touch my face or chin or anything. Well, he had stopped healing my chin when he had tried to pounce and I fought him off…or something to that effect.

He was smart.

Because if I resisted, which I did, he could always say that I possessed a vivid imagination and was deluding myself.

But…he hadn't done that either when he struck.

He had been smooth…much like a dementor…but wait, they didn't mate.

So he had kept his filthy hands to himself at least.

And as I tried to go to sleep now, it was with much difficulty.

How was I going to avoid the asshole tomorrow?

And it wasn't just the kiss that had been denied. It was also…

_**The Dungeons…Snape's office…two hours earlier…**_

We had left Grimmauld Place. The bastard was smirking victoriously after his row with Black. Both were under the impression that they had been the victor in their schoolboy scuffle. I would have liked to knock the chip off his shoulder and punch the smirk off of his face.

Snape and Sirius were both bloody morons.

I was in pain. Because my ankle was healed but still a bit stiff, and the cut on my chin was healing, but there was still a slightly pink line visible, when I checked a mirror constantly to inspect it.

He just watched me examining my face in a mirror for quite some time without saying anything.

Very creepy…

I had wanted to go to my rooms immediately upon returning, but he insisted that he wanted to give me something for my ankle which he hadn't had on him and that was located in his office.

Sounded fishy.

I was right.

He approached me silently and stealthily after a half hour of silence. I had been looking at my face, examining my chin for the umpteenth time, when I noticed his reflection was also in the mirror with mine.

The bastard spoke:

"You were trying to defend me, were you not?" The cadence of his low voice was odd as he questioned me.

"Er, no!"

"Then why did you jump on my back very much like Rubeus Hagrid's dog? What is the mongrel's name? Molar…Bicuspid?"

He was being facetious on purpose. The black eyebrow rose innocently as if his mind was working hard to remember Hagrid's dog's name.

"Fang…Fang, you fool!" I spat impatiently, still concerned with my face. I had very pale skin and I hoped it would heal properly.

"Whatever, Vector. And stop frowing! I am going to put dittany on your chin. You will look much as you did before. But if you don't stop frowning, you may cause wrinkles on that sunny expression of yours instead," he deadpanned.

"Shut up, Snape! I _do not _have wrinkles! I am only 30…you know." My voice raised in a panic. "And I was not defending you at any rate."

And I turned to face him now, because meeting his black fathomless eyes reflected in the mirror had been seriously creeping me out.

"…Doesn't mean I wanted to see you punched in the face… though the nose

_could _have used some help….shame Sirius missed…" I added viciously.

"How sentimental, Vector, touching, one would think…" He eyed my curiously and spoke in a soft voice.

"You wish…" I muttered under my breath softly.

"What was that? I didn't quiet hear…" He pointed out and I cringed.

"Er, nothing, just forget it." I snapped.

He crossed his robed arms and stared at me, not allowing my comment to drop.

The stubborn asshole always hung on my every word….

And it _sucked!_

Because my mouthy retorts, usually when he was getting on my last nerve and purposefully was verbally taunting that last nerve, I usually got myself into trouble.

This night was no different.

I tried to change the subject and reverted back to the incident at 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Really….you two…arguing like maniacs in front of a house full of children and some elderly wizards, I might add. Elphias was in St. Mungo's for a week very recently. A little decorum, Severus….he is a sweet little man." I implored him and tried to make him feel guilty. I didn't work. He was a heartless Death Eater, naturally.

"So?" he smirked, unconcerned.

What an unfeeling lout!

"AND…Dumbledore is 113 years old, you asshole! Was it really necessary? You could give him a heart attack at his age."

"Black was showing off for Jones," stated Snape simply. "And our Headmaster has seen worse. I believe he could handle it," he said mysteriously.

Merlin knew what those two were up to. I knew they did more dangerous things that we'd never find out about. I shuddered.

"And what were you doing?" I asked nastily.

Snape grew quiet and said nothing.

"Come here." He eyed me strangely.

"Er, what?"

He didn't answer me. He took his hand and rummaged within the pockets of his long, dark cloak for a bottle. It was essence of dittany that he removed with flourish.

And then I grew very nervous…

Because the only condition in which I returned to his office was the intelligence I gathered from him that he needed me to go with him to his office so he could administer something which he currently hadn't been carrying on his person.

And now here it was….the LIAR!

The sonofabitch had been carrying the bottle on him the whole entire time!

There was no need to fetch anything from his office.

The filthy…duplicitous…liar….

And he took a few steps closer to me, closing the distance. I could hear his soft breathing as he took out the cork and put a little on the greasy, deceitful, pad of his finger and rubbed it into the thin, pink line on my chin, that he had caused when I had flown headfirst and crashed into a rusty, metal, ancient suit of armour.

I could kill him myself, really. I should have told Sirius to stand back instead.

And he hadn't met my eyes as he continued to rub the substance into the line on my chin. But his face moved closer to mine, and then I realized that he wouldn't be making any eye contact because his arms had dropped to his sides and he stopped rubbing, and his eyelids fluttered and were now slightly closed….and he turned his head… and I felt a lock of his hair brush my face…and his lips slightly opened….and then I yelled.

"Give me that bottle! I'll do it myself…are you mad?"

And it startled him. And he retreated and gave me the bottle silently as if nothing had happened.

Slick….very slick.

So he changed tact.

"I owe you, Vector," he said quietly.

And I fled to the other side of the room to look at my reflection in the mirror. The line was now gone.

"Yeah, you do." I threw carelessly over my shoulder. I was distracted as I pushed some hair out of my face and kept the thought to myself that my chin was healed marvelously.

And that is when the asshole struck…_again._

And I would have given anything to be thrown into a suit of armour once more.

"How about dinner?" He asked quietly.

"Er, no…never." I said as delicately as I could. Dammit! If I was still in love with him, er, I mean had that crush…I would have thanked Merlin on bended knee. As it is…

"Why not?"

"Nope." I said decisively.

"You haven't even thought about it have you?" he asked in annoyance. "Before you answered…" he brought this to my attention, like a whining first year.

"I, er… gave it a go." I lied, not facing him.

"Really…. five seconds perhaps?" he snapped persistently, but he had this nervous intensity that unruffled me. The eyes were strong.

"Yes, more like four and defintitely…_not_ happening."

"If I had wanted to poison you at dinner I have had countless opportunities in the Great Hall over the years. The thought had crossed my mind." And he smirked in an amused way over his own sarcastic delivery.

I turned around and glared at him in disbelief. He thought this was funny.

Oh, yes, and this was likely to make me change my mind. The dolt!

Death Eater humor…at my expense. This is why they were all sociopaths!

"Are you insane? Good night, Severus. I will see myself out."


	17. Chapter 17: The Horrors That Are Fire

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 17: The Horrors That Are Fire Drills**

I now knew that I should have just let Sirius Black pound him to a pulp.

By not doing so, I had rather inadvertently unleashed a chain of events and other highly unlikely ones that I would now have to dodge.

If I wouldn't have jumped on Snape's back to save a rather ugly face from becoming uglier and then fallen into a suit of armor he would never have tried to kiss me.

If I had never tried to assist him, he would never have gotten the bold self-confidence to think I was trying to save him and get the nerve to ask me to dinner.

For I cannot go to dinner with him… which would require that I be alone with him and vulnerable and subject to interrogation.

I slapped a hand unknowingly to my forehead but it didn't hurt because I was now lying in bed in a fetal position with a warm rag on my forehead to calm me.

Sure, I could go to dinner with him, where between the appetizer and the salad he would bring up such jolly subjects as:

_Why are you staring at me?_

_Why did you defend me?_

_And let me tell you what I… know._

And of course, I would have to make sure that I wasn't drugged, given veritaserum, or made too much extended eye contact so I could not be subject to further drugging to remove my memories for that _pencil-thing_ or to be lucid when legilimancy was performed on me against my will.

It could be terrible….just like the fire drill…

**FLASHBACK….**

The sonofabitch joined us and I noted that he looked livid as he approached the staff and Dumbledore. Further back I noted that Trelawney had just exited the same door to the castle that he had.

And then I turned to the Headmaster as I spoke, but not before moving up the front of my nightgown because _somebody's_ eyes had drifted before they shifted quickly also to Dumbledore.

Humiliation complete…and it irked me worse that the bastard was enjoying this.

"Ah, Severus, what has been keeping you? I believed that everybody had evacuated."

"I was in the Divination Tower. I had been trying to convince Sybil Trelawney that it was only a false alarm and that she needn't evacuate every teacup and crystal ball that she owned," offered Snape in hardly concealed exasperated drawl.

"Ah, Sybil…very conscientious." And then he gave Snape a calculating gaze. "What could have caused the false alarm, Severus?"

"I believe there was a potion I was brewing this morning and the smoke might have been too much and set off the magical sensors. I made sure I scrapped it, but the alarm still went off."

Why did I get the impression that not everybody believed this as they shivered in the cold? Most certainly cursing him into what could have been oblivion.

"Very well, Severus…toiling at such an early hour. Well, off we go. Let's lead our sleepy charges back to their common rooms or I'm afraid the first years will never forgive us," replied Dumbledoe with a smile.

And then Severus looked away with a smirk to turn his attention in surprise to Aurora.

"That is quite a sleepwear ensemble, Sinistra." And he gave her a dark, horrified, and hard look because he hated Lockhart. And when he was satisfied that he took in everything from the yellow slippers to the stuffed doll she wielded, he uttered, "you are daft," as he gazed at her in utter revulsion.

"But it was worth going out into the cold at such an early hour to witness you lose the last shred of authority you had with your astronomy classes I daresay," he offered airily.

And my friend turned red and looked about to tear.

"You're a jackass. Why would you say that to her?" I scoffed.

"Vector, I was just about to address your get-up but had forgotten. Well, now that you have refreshed my memory I suggest you come with me."

"I suggest…_not_…" I countered fliipantly.

And then I was sure my face fell.

"Well, let me remind you of the fire drill contingency plan. Once the evacuees re-enter the castle I believe it had been discussed at a meeting that the professors pair off and double check their assigned wings of the castle to make sure all is in order….and I believe I have the misfortune to have been paired off with you."

"It is utterly my misfortune."

I hoped his smirk heard me.

We walked back to the castle. I struggled to keep the low neck of my nightgown in a decent position, but it kept sliding down much to my embarrassment.

"Need you leave nothing to most of the male population's imagination at Hogwarts, Vector?" The wry smirk was threatening to become an amused sort of evil grin.

"You bloody…moron!" I barely got out the words because my teeth were chattering in the cold of the morning and it was awfully hard to maintain an appearance of being livid while you wrestled with the front of very sheer sleepwear.

"What would compel you to wear…." He threw over his shoulder as he strode back to the castle as I struggled to keep up without exposing myself to the entire Hogwarts population.

I believe he strode faster…on purpose no doubt.

"Stop right there…and stop looking at me like that…and if I see your eyes rove one more time you'll no longer have them….so….why would you cause a false alarm? I'm not daft, you know."

"I have my reasons, Vector, and I believe that one of them is the fact that it has been too long…between drills…and between you answering my queries."

"I have nothing to say to you…and where are we going?"

"To the stairwell that leads down to the dungeons…a nice place to start double-checking…"and the smirk was so self-satisfied it took all my control not to kick him in the knee and watch him stumble.

But if I put the Dark Lord's most faithful servant out of commission for a few days….what would happen to me?

"Double check, my ass…you caused this… you sonofabitch…wait until I tell the Headmaster…"

He came to an abrupt halt and turned to me. His black robes swishing as he pivoted like a muggle in a bad military movie.

"Would you like my cloak?" And I can't ever describe the look of triumph and the dark eyes that lingered a bit too long over my…."

"I might…if you _actually _washed it once in awhile….I'll take my chances with frostbite."

"As you wish….but some of you….well, it is rather too late for that…"

And as I looked down to gather his meaning…I knew that the minute we stepped foot in the castle I would deck him.

Well, I could have reached for my wand but he had enough of a view for the morning, I surmised.

Another victory for the Dark Arts….for now.


	18. Chapter 18: Severus Siege

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 18: Severus Siege**

"I am not going to dinner with you, you asshole!" I called out from behind my front door that was sealed securely with a password and other enchantments.

I decided to add to my statement:

"Actually, I am not going anywhere with you…er, _ever_."

I could sense a slightly annoyed pause in the air.

"Vector, there are truly trying days in which I genuinely believe that it is an utter waste to utilize patronuses, because you could certainly frighten a dementor away, with that face you make when you lose your temper. And with the loud and boisterous foul language that has overcome any decent vocabulary you once had used. Are you sure you never spent time in Azkaban?" he drawled sarcastically. "With the lifers, perhaps?"

"Well, you swoop around like one and it hasn't worked for me yet." My voice, muffled slightly through the door, snapped back. I walked closer to the door so he could hear better, but hesitated to look out the peephole. Surely, his cool and calm demeanor would piss me off even more.

"Believe me, I have more urgent matters to attend to, however, Dumbledore suggested I ask and you know how that is…"

I could only imagine him rolling the dark eyes from beyond the door.

"Well, tell him "no." I'm not leaving to go anywhere. _Sorry_."

"Will you open the door so I can confirm that at the very least I am conversing with you and not someone else? This is ridiculous, like most of my encounters with you."

"You bloody moron, who else would be here?" I cried out. "And just leave me be then."

"In my line of work…polyjuice potion is a powerful substance and it's entirely possible that someone else really…"

I really hated when he had to show off that he was an expert in stuff. Like that gave the jackass more credibility or something.

"Are you mad? Why would they take my place? Surely, they're just lining up to be here to be asked out by you." I cracked.

"I wonder who'd want to as well, but really, Vector, open the door. And I am not asking you for the reasons you just asserted. You are deluded." He stated smugly, but his voice sounded sort of odd.

"No."

"Vector…" the voice was cajoling but firm.

"I said…_no…"_

He ignored this. He knocked. Then he knocked again.

"What part of "no" don't you understand? Am I speaking mermish? I do know some gobblydegook from working at Gringotts but it's not that."

The bastard changed tact and ignored my protestations.

"Can you just do this for the Headmaster so he will leave me be?" he said smoothly.

I said nothing and he kept knocking.

" And leave my door unscathed if you don't mind…."

He continued his incessant knocking.

"No." It was in a deep adult voice but sounded so childish. So stubborn.

"Get out of it, Snape." I called out.

"Then I will have to come through," he offered resignedly.

"You wouldn't dare," I sounded nervous.

"I'm left no choice presently," he sighed, in mock sincerity.

"There is always a choice."

Yes, there is, spoken just like the Headmaster, and if I were you I would choose wiser," he advised in an annoying tone.

Why wasn't the asshole leaving?

"What will you do then? Get your Death Eater mates to come here and…"

"Not necessary. They would ask me why I am bothering seeing as there are many others in our world that would only be happy to at least let me converse with them."

"You really think that? Merlin, you _are_ thick. Half the wizarding world is scared to death of you. Are you really that delusional? You should see the looks I get when I have accompanied you to the Apothecary."

I also recalled as I shivered in disgust, the looks on occasion and the whispers of the village folk wondering if I was Snape's girlfriend or not. Only Snape could make simple shopping not a pleasant experience but a harrowing one. I made sure I carried some parcels and walked a few paces behind. But then he would talk to me and I would have to start again. _Damn it!_

And that damned smirk when he turned to me in triumph when we went shopping often, before I was tenured as he was my mentor. He would tell some gossipy person who had asked, "Surely not, she is my assistant, after all. And Dumbledore still guessed that from time to time Snape needed help in Diagon Alley.

Oh, he needed help…but not with shopping…

"Thank you for reminding me we have to go tomorrow. I am out…of certain products for my stores."

"URRGGHH!" I stamped my foot in horror.

"So it seems. Open the door, Septima."

No…not after the fire drill and the countless other things you've done to me. I'm not mental."

And I left out the part that wondered if he would try to kiss me again? What if he couldn't keep his bloody black clad arms and hands to himself? I gulped in terror.

"That I will not address presently but I assure you…this is a truce…you can leave when you want to."

When going to dinner with someone conditions like this should not even be on the table. How frightening!

"Right," I spat. "And when I don't turn up for work tomorrow morning…"

"What can I possibly gain by causing you harm? Think, Vector, my standing here is very nearly on the precipice as it is, in some opinions."

And then the sonofabitch made me feel bad for him.

I hate him dearly…

"Vector, I warn you…I owe you…I don't want another wizarding debt. If you won't come to dinner, it will come to you…believe me."

"Oh, does Knockturn Alley do take out? Bloody delivery? Do they store food where the missing people are?"

"Not humorous in the least, Vector. I will not, of course, burst down the door, but if I leave here, it will not be in your favor. I assure you," the tone was soft but menacing.

"I'll take my chances…worst thing I ever did was help you. Thought you were nuts…you are making me too."

"So… now you admit you did, and acknowledge the reason I am standing out here indebted to you which I despise. And now I have several dim Hufflepuffs standing out here staring at me like some foul creatures of Hagrid's, debating whether or not it is safe to tell someone about my suspicious standoff/activities outside your door?" He sounded merely inconvenienced for the moment.

"Why did you pull that fire alarm, you bloody moron?" I screeched.

"Why did you save me?" He asked softly.

"I didn't. I just helped out a colleague, is all. You are giving me far too much credit…for once."

"You didn't have to, you know." He informed me.

"But I did, and now I rue the day I did. Believe me I have been cursing myself out for days." I hit my head with my hand.

Why the bloody hell did I just tell him that? Merlin, I was going daft!

"Why is such a thing cause for shame?"

"Why? Oh, well, because it is you and you are now bothering me because of it." I replied snootily.

"Good evening, Vector. Then breakfast it is… in Diagon Alley… before the Apothecary." He went there.

"Who said I have to go? And I'm not."

"He is currently our Headmaster and when I mentioned it he thought it was a splendid idea, as always. And you will."

"My ass I will." But nobody retorted and when I dared to spy out of the hole I saw no one. He had left.

But then I noticed three house elves standing outside, so short that I barely saw them. I didn't open. Snape could always jump out from behind them. Somehow. I was sure of it.

When I didn't answer they magically unlocked my door.

"But why?" I whined inconsolably. Don't you respect privacy anymore? Guys…er, ladies, er, whoever, _we _have never had a problem between us. He leaves a mess for you, on the other hand."

They smiled and ignored me sweetly. How can you get angry with them?

Candelabra, china, silverware, silver trays and covers, crystal, linens, chicken, baked potatoes, pumpkin soup…they left out nothing. They knew. He knew. And somehow he had told them. My favorites all served in style.

"Miss, perhaps you should give the professor a chance….before he called for us, miss, he was here for a while," replied an elf, so sweetly, I felt I came off like Lord Voldemort earlier.

"Er…" It was all I could manage audibly.

Everything was spectacular.

But Snape wasn't there.

That added to the spectacularness.

Is that a word?

And I sat down and gingerly lifted a potato and sliced into my chicken breast and felt like the biggest asshole known to mankind.

That I couldn't even hear him out and open the door.

And a strange thought entered my head about his childishness.

Everything had probably gone according to his plan…

And just because he ordered me Dinner and I was coerced into breakfast does not mean I do Lunch...

And if he touches me or tries to kiss me again…I will hex him.

Or throw some food at him…if he was here that is.

Fool! Disagreeable fool!

When I had that miniscule crush on him I might have been agreeable.

As it is…

The chicken was perfect.

I tucked in.


	19. Chapter 19: Poison Me Now

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 19: Poison Me Now!**

And naturally, he made sure that when he woke me up at 6:30 the next day that we went to the Apothecary before we went to breakfast, so I had no shot in hell of escaping his pale and long-fingered, dastardly clutches.

I used to accompany him all of the time to the Apothecary when I was his mentoring subject, or more like his Potions experiment/guinea pig to tell you truly.

Oh, the day…the very day when the mentorship was over and I got my own office and was, well, not really left alone by him, but I saw him less frequently if I could help it.

It was with the nastiest glare that I opened my door and met him outside of it. He said nothing, but the self-satisfied smirk said it all.

It said "I won, victory is sweet, you insolent hag. Let's go now and get some ingredients for my stores and, so what if you haven't had breakfast yet."

What truly irked me was that I could see his point about the life debt. But what the hell did that have to do with me going with him to the Apothecary?

Anyway…we walked in silence…him gliding along very much like a dementor and me stalking off so as not to be seen walking next to him.

Alas, he was taller and kept up with me with ease.

We walked out onto the grounds and before we could apparate…

"Hogsmeade, remember…the Apothecary and then breakfast…"

"How could I forget? Where?" I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"The pub, of course. No wait, forgive me, Puddifoot's, are you mad, Vector? Of course, the Hog's Head…"

Whew…he scared me there for a minute. And then I grew angrier. What the hell did he mean, of course, the Hog's Head? Nobody went in there except for shady criminals like Fletcher or Death Eaters. Was he mental? I don't think they even sold food for Merlin's sake. Men, very, er, questionable figures drank there. And that creepy barkeep that looked like someone…he was permanently pissed off! Why I hardly went there. It was so damn old I'm not sure that women were still even allowed entry. Perhaps the gruff barkeep was too bloody old to notice!

This should be good. I thought of the lovely feast they would soon be having for breakfast in the Great Hall that morning…eggs…toast…bacon…that I would be missing.

Merlin, I hate his ass.

The line was nearly out the door for the Apothecary. We entered the wooden doors and the smell assaulted me. All kinds of potions ingredients mingled together. It was terribly pungent so early in the morning…without any damn coffee!

Smelled worse than his office…and most likely his hampers because he wore the same bloody robes _all of the time!_

I noticed a few people look over at us, as I made sure to walk behind him and keep away from him. If I would have done this at the fire drill…all would have been well…Merlin, I still can't think of it even now…it was worse when we entered his office…

"Vector, wait on line and I will be back. By the time I return with what I need for the school stores and perhaps a few for my own, you should be nearing the counter." He talked to me like I was a student of Slytherin House. And regarding drills, embarrassment, and sheer nightgowns, have they ever seen his nightclothes? Aurora once saw him walking in the hallway at night and by all accounts he was wearing a gray night shirt. I still don't believe it…he always wore black.

Couldn't really get all of the details…Aurora was laughing so hard that I almost suggested she see Madame Pomfrey.

"And he…had his same black robes on over it…and the shirt has a few buttons…and one or two were unbuttoned and he is so pale…and his legs are skinny….but for possessing such black hair his legs are not too hairy…

And before I let loose with convulsive howls of laughter I asked my masterpiece of a question…because if they had bunnies on them…I would die happy…

"Aurora, was he wearing slippers?" My mouth hurt as I tried to control the laughter that was about to burst forth.

"Oh, er, I forgot to look…I really don't remember…"

""Rora, how could you not…you were staring at his legs…" She had just murdered my joy for a moment there.

"_No, I was not!_" She shouted in abject horror.

I let it drop. In my mind's eyes, those slippers had furry bunnies on them. Don't care what anyone says…it soothed my soul…

The moron eyed me curiously because I sort of spaced out for a minute before I answered.

"Oh, how wonderful! At least an hour of examining the backs of people's heads, you shouldn't have." I snapped at the air.

He smirked and strode off to the back of the establishment.

I looked around at the specials and sales and wooden barrels overflowing with…were those eyeballs…

Oh, dear Merlin…forget breakhast after this.

People were chatting animatedly in line…and then one conversation stood out a few people behind me in line.

"Oh, I guess those two are back together, eh?'

And I had to smile at the old ladies who lived for gossip.

Er, all for the fact that I soon realized that they meant….

"Are you kidding? That Snape is odd. He has never had a lady love to my knowledge."

_Oh, they are right about that…hey, wait a minute…Snape…er, back together? What the fu..._

"Yes, I haven't seen them at the store together in awhile…what could have allowed it to go sour there for a spell?"

"Beats me….they say she follows him around like a lost puppy and he is always around her at school. And considering all and sundry avoid him, I think that is telling."

"Maybe he gave her something…"

_1….2…3…the blood vessel was about to explode…I believed he had already tried that, sorry ladies…little too late for that one…_

"By Merlin it is. Have you seen him? He's right there. Look, surely nothing much to look at…and he always has the same robes on….always black."

_(snigger) heh…hee…hee…so everyone noticed….but wait…4…5…6…_

"And really, be quiet, because she is a few up from us. What the hell is she doing with him? She is so lovely. Why can't she get anyone better?"

_I'm lovely…really….anyhow I have no idea why I meet nothing but heathens…really I do…bad luck, perhaps…Merlin trying to ruin me and laughing his ass off…._

"Well, they say he is mad for her…just not the showy type. Not sure she is really doing the following around, but she is constantly nagging him. Maybe that is why they took a break…"

…_7…8…9…._

"Rita Skeeter told someone that she caught them kissing passionately behind a statue at Hogwarts when she went to interview Harry Potter for that tournament that one year…."

"Right, I hear she goes to his rooms when the students are off to bed…" 

"THAT IS A _LIE_! DO YOU THINK THAT I CAN'T HEAR THIS NONSENSE WHEN I AM BLOODY FOUR PEOPLE AWAY FROM YOU ON LINE!"

And the two ladies flushed beat red as I turned my head so fast much as I believed one of Hagrid's creatures would.

"We are colleagues at work. That is _all._"

And the women gained their composure and gave me the look that said they didn't quite believe my story.

And the screech made everyone stop their shopping to look around at me for a few seconds before they resumed their activities.

But the bloody moron was there in an instant…

He surveyed me coolly, but the black eyes flickered over my face with interest.

"Vector, disregard the line, the rush is over and it is much shorter now. Would you come with me? I wish to ask your opinion regarding some new items they just stocked…"

"Excuse me." I hung my head and followed him. My face was purplish-red.

Life debt…not even close to being remedied….after this shit! The damn omelettes at the Hog's Head better have bloody diamonds and caviar in them after this nightmare!

And he continued his statement….

"…and I suppose, start paying off my debt by ensuring that the owners of the Apothecary do not contact the mediwizards that oversee the lunatic ward."

I would have argued but I was overcome….so, people thought….OH, DEAR MERLIN….MY LIFE WAS OVER….WAS THIS WHY I NEVER MET ANYONE…

Because if people thought I was some unconfirmed, unrepentant Death Eater's, er, _girl_…I don't think that I ever hated him more than this very moment…after years of despising him thoroughly…

"I am not sure I want all of the details regarding your maniacal outburst, Vector. We can talk it over in the virtual privacy of the Hog's Head later…"

"Are you mad? Even I know that if you want to keep a secret…that is not the place to do so…"

"It is if you are me, and you know how not to be heard." He gave me a very full of his abilities look that irked me to no end." So perhaps you can give me an idea before we get there."

And I knew that this was my way out. I didn't want to breakfast with this dolt. He would never look me in the face if I told him…now was my chance.

"Oh, Snape, _nothing really_….they are just quite sure that the rumors are true that we are sleeping together…"

Ah, victory…better than any humiliation would be over telling him this…I could taste my Hogwarts toast and jam now…made with very fresh seasonal berries…

I almost grinned in glee.

"Oh, you mean that. Old news, really, I heard something about our supposed illicit _affair _some time back. I will tell you all about it over breakfast. So, what should I order you at the Hog's Head?"

And the bastard couldn't be calmer…and I didn't like the soft and silky stress he placed on "affair."

_Sonofabitch!_

"Ah, Vector, did you hear all of the _scintillating _details about the affair…" When his eyebrow rose and he gave me _that look_, I thought I would throw up really.

"…or how passionately in love with you I am…nearly expiring from it….would you like pumpkin juice to start?" He deadpanned coolly.

Something was not quite right here. How would I survive this breakfast?

"This, by all accounts, all-encompassing, mad, consuming _desire_ to be with…"

"_WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP, SNAPE….REALLY! _

"And let me just say that I hope you choke on a kipper!"


	20. Chapter 20: Of Rumors and Grumpy Barkeep

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 20: Of Rumours and Grumpy Barkeeps**

"So, Vector, allow me to fill you in on our sordid relationship…"

"This should be good…" I rolled my eyes in unconcealed disgust.

And I was humoring him because when we entered the Hog's Head, I was not the only one who apparently didn't wish to see him.

Snape approached the dingy warped wood of the old-fashioned counter and I just followed with my head down.

Because if one more person alluded to our supposed sexual relationship….I would retire to Djibouti….or, Bill Weasley did some fascinating work in Egypt at the pyramids…one owl…just _one owl_ to Griphook at Gringotts and the little guy would make it happen.

So, I could possibly explode from an old, antiquated, intricate curse…much better than the alternative in Scotland

It was quiet in the pub. There were only a few random patrons at the bar and even fewer at the tables.

"Oh, you two are here already? (grunt) Well, I will be there in a minute, no need to rush me(grunt)."

Er, that was how he greeted Snape, and I just got an annoyed head lift as I followed Snape to a back room, which provided me with a very torn and apprehensive feeling.

Good, because nobody would see us together besides the people there and those who would be there when we exited. But…I didn't exactly want any private time with the asshole either.

It was never a good thing…I knew…from experience.

And how very right I would be not even an hour later…

But I took the dementor by the horns so to speak…I asked Aurora Sinistra to check up on me…and she refused to come to the bar alone, so the only other person she could get to accompany her for drinks this early without arousing concerns that we were all closeted alcoholics was…Hagrid.

And when I cursed the bastard out in my head silently…I soon sort of felt bad.

Why couldn't the bloody creep do this when I had that very minimal crush on him?

We went to a back room that had some empty tables and chairs.

It appears that the bloody moron told the barkeep ahead of time because there were two plates, utensils, and a flagon of pumpkin juice there.

And then the blustery grump, who looked vaguely and oddly familiar, _sort of_ took our order.

"What'll it be? And hurry now… I have to call the place next door, so you will have to wait a bit…like hell I cook in here...merely a drinking establishment, but apparently old Snape here, would've preferred that I come out with black tie and an apron." He snorted and shot Snape the look of death.

The old man continued to glare at Snape, who seemed to calmly ignore this outburst.

He wasn't fond of him…well, who the hell was at any rate.

"You first. What would you like, Vector?" Snape asked smoothly.

"Toast, jam…that would be fine." I addressed Snape because I was deathly afraid of the barman. He was barking, no doubt.

"That is all?" Asked Snape softly.

"Ok, fine an omelette, vegetables if they have them…."

"Sure, right after the filet mignon and before the lobster…"cracked the Barman. 

"What will you have, Snape?" I croaked in mortification.

"The same…but just make sure it isn't cold." He threw out casually to the Barman.

"Yes, monsewer…"cracked the nasty Barkeep. "Anything else, master?" And he gave him a mock bow with flourish that was more like a slap to the face.

"No, that will be all…." Replied Snape in a soft voice.

And then we heard him grumble"…my brother…off his bloody rocker…where does he find these people…poor girl…"

That admission did _not_ make me feel any better…not the first time I had heard this today either.

But something didn't sit right with me. Snape would not tell me who the barman was.

"Severus, I feel like I have seen him before…do you know his name?" I asked quizzically.

"Not worth the trouble I'm afraid, he keeps to himself, I wouldn't be concerned…" And he looked down at his napkin.

Which made me a little suspicious but I let it drop.

Until the Barman came back with two glasses for the pumpkin juice and a jug of water, and put a dirty, once white, napkin or, er, a rag on his arm to annoy Snape and drive the point home that he was not a maitre'd at a very fancy classic French restaurant in case Snape was confused.

I saw the eyebrow and the smirk both rise at the same time as if this old crab amused him.

The glasses were slammed down so quickly I could only thank Merlin that they didn't shatter as he grumbled off again to the front of the pub.

The bloody moron just stared at me…and then he spoke.

I wondered how long it would be before I could decently ask for some firewhiskey?

_**20 minutes later…**_

"…and we meet after work…and then we have our weekends when we are locked away at the Cauldron, one can only imagine what they have inferred about that rumor, because some witch named Helga swore up and down that she saw us enter separately and arrange for one room, though we booked separate rooms initially, until you _come up to mine, naturally. Ah, such are illicit affairs…"_

His tone and re-telling of this with flourish was disgusting!

"Why am I always going to yours…in these _rumors_…the ladies on line said…" I cut in.

"Well, I gather they would say that you can't resist my charms….or perhaps their point is regarding what a fantastic lover they believe me to be…who really knows?" And he took a sip of water nonchalantly.

"Oh, please…"and I nearly choked on my pumpkin juice, and turned slightly plum in the face. And I nearly fell out of my chair when the barmen who I didn't hear approach, yelled out…

"Most likely they got that from that little bit Felicia…the one that usually goes to the bar in Knockturn…you know, that Death Eater chit that still fancies you…from years ago, I might add, miss. He has been faithful to you…er, I think," the Barman replied in a too honest fashion.

And Snape's eyes almost bugged out of his head, which for him meant that his eyes widened a bit, but the effect was still alarming for one so aloof and calm usually.

The Barkeep was apparently listening in…

Snape shot him a withering glare yet said nothing.

The Barkeep gave a low, unconcerned whistle, and I think that was his way of saying he was amused by it all.

"So, what did you hear? I am surprised you have never heard anything before, that no one from the school has approached you…" He studied me.

"I didn't say that…" I admitted, and then instantly tried to bite my tongue.

"Ah, yes, I have had some interesting inquiries and comments. You must tell me so later and then I will tell you mine," and I got an evil smirk from him.

"Snape, we are supposed to be at breakfast in a pub that doesn't serve any food at all. Why are we talking about our non-existent relationship? And who is Felicia?' Perhaps he would shut up, because the mention of her name seemed to make him a bit uncomfortable.

"Pure blood…doesn't take rejection very well… I have no interest…a nuisance and nothing more. Ironic don't you think…quite fascinating…." 

"What is fascinating…the unfounded rumors that somebody is desperate enough to find you attractive?" I said nastily.

"Yes, the subject of your apparent interest in me…could these people perhaps see something that you don't…or haven't realized yet," He asked in an unbridled smug way.

_SON-OF-A-BITCH… _

"Oh, complete strangers that love gossip….with furtive imaginations to boot…highly unlikely. I hate you and that is the truth. That is all." I crossed my arm and avoided eye contact.

"Somehow, Vector, I don't think so…not hate really…Would you like to hear how people think I feel about you?" He asked languidly.

"No, er, no." I looked away, anything but to face him now.

"Good, I will tell you anyway…" he said airily.

"I just said _no, _Snape."

He ignored me. And then pulled that fake seductive voice again, that wasn't really far from his normal voice…

Merlin, what an asshole? What was he playing at? Far too long in the dungeons…_alone!_

"That I worship you….secretly, but would never tell you…that I would do anything for you….go to the ends of the earth for you…that I wish to never be apart from you…"

"Fat chance…dream away, Snape."

"Yes. They are not quite accurate." And then I feared for my very soul or at least my personal thoughts, for he bore into my eyes to make a point with such intensity…it was…

"Vector…nobody who was truly enamored with someone would say such cheap rubbish."

"Why is that?" My interest was piqued, though his gaze was unnerving.

"It is, I believe, enough to feel those things in one lifetime for someone…articulating it to others, I suppose, would cheapen it. When one knows…they know…they would not require greeting card rubbish and such. You should know they have never twisted my words from any type of allusions…that they have entirely made this up, of course."

But his gaze was calculating, as if he weighed my answer carefully.

What an odd asshole?

"The hell I do, of course, and by the way…I make it apparent everyday that I loathe you, so the same on my end agreed?" I held my chin up firmly.

"Agreed, Vector." His face bore no expression.

"And why is that? That, er, stuff you just said before?"

I really dug my own grave at times.

"Because I would never tell anyone that I was in love with someone because it could be very dangerous to them because of well, you know my, ah, _work._ But I must admit these accounts are so frequent and detailed… are you sure you are not involved?" And the silky tones were worse than the insinuation in a way.

"In spreading those rumors…are you bloody mad? How about how much time I spent with you when you mentored me, shopping in public, at the school…you literally threw bait into their lap. What the hell are we doing now? Right, the rumors will be even more enflamed after this. I believe I did everything in my power to avoid breakfast and the Apothecary?" I said, enraged. "Nuts, Snape, you are nuts…barking mad…mental on a level I never believed to be possible, because you are so mental to begin with. You cause your own problems."

"I must say that I agree with you on that…I can admit that…perhaps it can slightly alter…"

Would he just leave me in peace? All the smug vagueness and talking in circles…I just wanted a damned omelette, for Merlin's sake.

"I would like to address a few things…" he looked at me oddly.

"How about that omelette?" I snapped in disinterest.

"Surely, it will be arriving soon, are you very hungry?"

How do you tell someone that they always make you lose your appetite?

"I'll live."

"Good. Because I have more to say to you…"

Oh, dear Merlin…what now?


	21. Chapter 21: Pumpkin Juice on the Rocks

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 21: Pumpkin Juice on the Rocks**

And just when I believed that the bloody moron was going to describe in detail what we do when we were supposedly locked away at the Cauldron….ah…deliverance!

Hagrid and Aurora just walked into the pub.

"I won't be a moment." I decided to walk them over to our table and take my sweet time.

Unfortunately, they were prepared to have a few drinks to take the Snape edge off so they wanted to sit down.

Snape apparently had summoned the grumbling Barkeep and there were now two more glasses in case they wanted pumpkin juice, and he seemed to know that Sinistra liked gillywater and Hagrid, firewhiskey…straight.

Snape excused himself to talk to the Barman for a moment.

Aurora helped herself to my pumpkin juice…

"Oh, that gillywater, is it for me? Er, what is with this being considerate nonsense?" She inclined her head towards Snape.

"No idea…I think he's cracked. Help me..."

"Aw…tha's nothin'…worked with him for years. He's a rough one but he's got good points, ya know, when you get to know 'im," chuckled Hagrid generously.

Aurora and I looked at Hagrid fondly but felt a little bit sorry for his over-exaggeration of Snape's buried and latent potential to not be an asshole.

"You know what? Gillywater is looking pretty good right about now." I took a sip of Aurora's drink.

"Actually, Hagrid I think we will need more firewhiskeys than this," I suggested nonchalantly.

Hagrid grinned and went to the front of the pub. Surely, we wouldn't see him until he was done greeting everyone. He knew just about the whole of Hogsmeade and was so friendly, that he may not be much help in providing a buffer to our interactions with Snape when he returned.

And the blasted bat sat down.

"So, how are we thus far, Professor Vector," asked Snape sikily.

"Splendid, now that you are here to ruin everything." I gave him a wry smile.

"Vector, do I annoy you?" he asked.

"Sometimes, er, maybe most of the time…" I took another swig of gillywater.

"Do you like me…even just a little?" He gave me a penetrating stare.

I was not prepared for this question, but since he had the balls to ask, I would be honest with him…and make him feel bad deep down somewhere if he, er, had any feelings.

"You have never given me the chance to show that I admire your wit and intelligence and yes, I find the sarcasm amusing and might I say witty, so perhaps the thought has crossed my mind, on a good day."

"What do you think of me…do you think of me? And would you ever consider going somewhere with me? perhaps in lieu of breakfast at the foul Barkeep's place of establishment?"

"I've done that before…"I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"I think you don't get my meaning…"he was fixated on me in a quite unnerving way. He never looked at Aurora.

"Vector, I need to say something to you…ask her to please give us a moment."

I nodded at Aurora who nodded back strangely and walked over to another vacant table.

I leaned over the table to be closer to him so as to lower my voice. "Oh, wait the Cauldron apparently…we meet alone quite often." I cracked sarcastically in a jest.

And then he gave me a…was it a victorious smile…and then I realized that he misunderstood me and…

"I wouldn't say no…I find you somewhat appealing on, what where your words, Vector, "a good day?" Dare I say that…are you suggesting…"

And the heated look he gave me was appalling!

I swatted him with all my might.

"How dare you! Unfounded rumors and let us keep it that way!"

"I suppose you are correct…moving too fast…perhaps dinner?"

I gave him another exasperated look. "Snape, it's in the Great Hall at 7. Meet you there."

He studied me carefully.

"Do you think that I like you?"

"No." I huffed.

"Perhaps I should rephrase this; that you may think secretly that I like you, but keep it to myself or do not show it very often?"

"Er, would _never _suffice?" I spat.

For some reason he looked disappointed.

"Would you believe me if I said I thought about you?" his low voice was a caress.

"Oh, sure…but I might not be able to repeat what you think." I made a noise in digust.

"What would you think went through my mind?' He changed tact.

"That I am stupid, daft, annoying and that I resemble one of Hagrid's creatures….or any creature of the night, as I have been told on many more occasions than I could count."

And then there was an audible intake of breath, from him. In an instant he turned slightly pale and then a tinge of green. His eyes flew open and he grew suddenly agitated.

He turned from me wordlessly and called over to Aurora who was at another table waiting patiently to be invited back.

"Sinistra… how do you feel about Gilderoy Lockhart?" He asked clinically and in all seriousness.

Aurora did not hesitate to answer. "I am madly in love with him. I wish to marry him and bear his children."

"Sinistra," He rose from his seat and slowly glided over to her. What do you think about me…what would you like me to know?" He gazed at her intently.

Aurora also rose from her chair and let loose.

"That you are the nastiest piece of work….I am tired of you jesting about my singing…oh, and I hate your owl….and I wish you'd leave Septima alone because…."

She was beside herself and was waving her arms about.

Snape's eyes flew open.

He went over to her and shushed her.

"Everyone knows…."

And he told her to keep it down.

"No, I will _not! _Everyone knows that you have lo…."

He pressed a finger to his lips to ask her to be quiet.

Aurora refused. I was perplexed.

He attempted to gently place a hand over her mouth to hint to her to keep it down.

"Ew…for years….and you really should stop this childish nonsense…and that there is no mistaking the fact… that you lov…"

And I saw him move something around in a pocket very near to where he kept his wand but no words came out. He just concentrated on Aurora.

"Make her…" He looked at me panic-stricken and a little bit in defeat.

"Make her do what, you bloody moron?" I shouted out.

His hand whipped out a vial from his robes.

"Make her drink this."

"I will not, and before I go to Dumbledore what is in it?"

"It will make her stop," his teeth were bared and he looked pained.

"Stop doing what?" I gazed at him wide-eyed.

"Telling the truth." He admitted.

"And why is she doing that?" I asked slowly and cautiously, my stomach dropping from within.

"Because I gave her veritaserum, unknowingly." He said very simply.

"And why was that?"

"Because she must have picked it up by accident..." He looked grave. "It was for you."

I _knew it_…he had been waiting for his chance…and here it was…he always warned me about this…

"And I will take her out of the room immediately afterwards and you are not to go near me or her or I will tell him. And if it was anything else and something happened to her I'd be in Dumbledore's office in five seconds. I am not afraid of you, whatever you might think," I yelled at the top of my voice.

He looked solemn and a bit remorseful, or maybe just pissed that his plan had been foiled. And he was oh, so, lucky that it was not allowed for the underage but for some reason, wizarding law had never banned the use on an adult.


	22. Chapter 22: Hit Them Where It Hurts

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 22: Hit Them Where It Hurts**

_Study Hall…_

"Why won't you speak to me…"

"…really this is childish…"

"…we are adults…or have you forgotten, Vector?" The low tones were callous, biting, and yet a bit weary.

And for the first half hour, the remarks were very much the same. That, and several students would need to be checked by Pomfrey for potential head injuries.

It really is a shame that he didn't realize that he was making a scene. And like many adults, they took for granted that children are far more intelligent and observant than we sometimes give them credit for. Because this _asshole_…this dolt…was getting very perturbed when the students broke their reading or studying to attempt to motion or whisper or somehow communicate with a class mate, while he was attempting to talk to me.

And damn it…I would have none of it….or _him_!

I slammed the book I was pretending to read in indignation shut, yet having felt slightly better during my fantasy of imagining the book was his face.

What a bloody moron…and a moron who thought he could get away with trying to spike my drink with Veritaserum!

And why…dear Merlin…how was he ever given permission to teach? Was the Headmaster nuts? Snape hated children. Why, by now, he must have hit Potter and Weasley and several other students, those far less from the other houses, at least a hundred times over the head with a book he had also given up pretending he was trying to read.

Didn't he notice that as I entered the Great Hall I had purposefully walked past him silently and chose to set up shop in the exact opposite section of the Hall from where he was monitoring the students this hour?

How could the bastard get mad at them when they clearly saw him trying to talk to me, when it was quite obvious that I wished he would just go away or apparate with a death-defying swoop of his black cloak?

Because that had been quite a scene…

After the quick apparition of shame he did after I screamed at him at the pub and nearly made Hagrid fall off his stool….I don't see how he could ever look me in the face again and tell me that _I _was the vampire.

Why couldn't the awkward and unsavory asshole just apparate like other wizards without all of the drama and theatrics? Was it really called for and necessary to wave his arm across his chest with his cloak floating even more dastardly than usual, until he turned into that smoke thing that looked like it came out of the opposite end of a dirty chimney.

Was this connected to his failure to launder his robes often?

I had to look into this….Oh, wait, the hell I did! I don't care what the sonofabitch does!

And I don't care that he hates children and likes to swat at them either.

Did he really think it was going to make me talk to him ever again?

And the pub….oh, shit…really…

The barkeep had offered to give me some calming draft that he kept on him because he thought I would possibly cause his business to shut down with my yelling and carrying on so.

Instead, we gave it to Aurora hoping that her truth-telling would die down soon enough.

It was the reason Snape had made his quick exit, which was very much like a dementor for real this time.

Because when Snape dramatically disappeared with a swoop of his arm, very much like a magician from that Muggle Las Vegas place, she was on a verbal roll, with no signs of stopping.

The last drops of Veritaserum creeping through her veins in some truth-telling twisted finale of fireworks.

I almost owled my resignation papers to Dumbledore on the spot. For how could I ever appear in the country of Scotland again, I wondered in abject horror.

"Stop it Septima…you are only mad because you secretly fancy him…stop yelling at him…"

What had Veritaserum done to my good friend?

"Why are you defending him?" I gritted my teeth as the barkeep, who called himself, Aberforth, looked at me with growing horror manifesting in his face, as if he couldn't believe what Aurora just claimed.

"I am not. I am sure this is illegal somewhere…giving someone Veritaserum…of course, Dumbledore will let it go at Hogwarts…amongst other things." She was still telling the truth.

"Now that I can believe…" grumbled Aberforth.

"Professor Vector…she needs to see madam Pomfrey I'm guessin" offered a shocked Hagrid at the pub.

Apparently, two women on the edge rattled him. Of course, if we were cannibalistic, fire-emitting, hybrid creatures he'd be cool as a cucumber…no doubt.

I shut my eyes in embarrassment and opened them again, remembering I was still trying to avoid Snape during our monitor duty in the Great Hall. I looked at the clock. Still 30 minutes left…or if I was not a bitter soul…I guess I could say that at least my ordeal was half way over.

He had been swooping behind students who were bent over tables, seemingly involved in schoolwork, and then he glided over to me again with a grim demeanor. His face was grave. But then he turned on his heel and re-traced his steps.

And then Snape cut off the next words he was attempting to say to me to rush over to hit Potter and Weasley over the head with a book for the umpteenth time.

He sidled over back to me so smoothly after having struck students that I wondered how it was possible he could do it without looking like he was hurrying at all…as if he had all the time in the world.

How could a gait…a pace… still look languid yet be so swift?

Well, he was a vampire after all…I was now convinced of this after his apparating thing he did. Even Aberforth, Aurora, and Hagrid looked at him with a mixture of wow…oh…and what the fu…

"Vector…"

I looked at him coolly and firmly. "You are a bully…you are not sane…you are blatantly taking this out on Potter…and you are mad that they are talking when you keep trying to do so with me…how is that fair?" I tilted my head up to him from my seat to make a point, my anger at him making me forget that I vowed never to talk to him.

He looked slightly relieved even though my eyes shot daggers at him, I noted with annoyance. Perhaps I should be more proactive? Because this jackass, I knew from experience, could be relentless. It was why he was such a good Death Eater…or a good spy, as many have told me. Not sure just where the hell his actual loyalties were placed.

And then his damned eyes softened a bit and he looked like he was fighting back an amused smirk…and then it hit me. My resolve would have to be more vigilant.

"Oh, if you think I am speaking to you anymore today or ever…you are sorely mistaken…_asshole_."I whispered hoping the students hadn't observed me, but knowing he deserved it.

'Why? Why won't you at least hear me out?" It was stern but plaintive. But for some reason he didn't seem alarmed that I had called him an asshole. And I hoped that my foul language was not something he was beginning to grow immune too. What if I had to use proper and decent vocabulary around him? Cursing him out made me feel better. Could I not have anything for myself anymore?

'Absolutely not…you are nothing less than a criminal…how dare you utilize your spy nonsense for…You know… for who…_bullshit_… on me." I didn't want to say the Dark Lord's name and scare the students even more than their slap-happy Potions Master was.

I noted that as I finished, Ronald gave him a pitiable look so Snape turned abruptly from me and went to swat at him again. Just because he could, of course.

He swept back to where I sat stiffly.

"Are you satisfied with being a deranged brute?" I spat.

He looked as if he was torn. He wanted to say _yes_ that he thoroughly enjoyed, burst with pleasure and the thrill of driving Potter and Weasley mad, but that he had to look like he didn't enjoy it so I would talk to him.

What a rake!

"Leave… me… _alone._" I whipped open a book roughly and shot him a nasty glare and then I made it very obvious that I was concentrating very hard at reading my book on, er, Divination…

And you would think he would get the hint and leave me be…leave me in _peace._

The eyebrow shot up in a calculating manner. He sighed reluctantly. "You don't really think I believe that you are engrossed in reading anything on this particular subject, Vector?"

Somehow, the Headmaster must have gotten word that we had had a quite serious row yesterday, so he imagined that the only _sensible _thing to do would be to assign us Study Hall together for the entire week, when I usually worked with Flitwick or Sprout.

Oh, the pleasure…one hour….a whole hour….guaranteed Snape-free time….gone…

Why…Dumbledore…he could be such a sweet man…why does he try to bring me to my knees…why won't he stop trying to get me to spend time with a lunatic who wears the same bloody robes _all of the time?_

And then I realized that I had spaced out…and then I looked up startled because the moron was staring over me as I sat in my chair….just _gazing_ down at me very oddly…and a little too close for my liking. He had both hands on the arms of the wooden chair that I currently sat on.

I forgot where I was. And then I looked around and saw several pairs of eyes watching us with barely concealed restraint. I prayed for their skulls and hoped the next book Snape picked up had soft leather binding…

He looked at me with a penetrating stare and said in a low voice, "You are being unreasonable…" The black eyes glinted sharply.

"Would you get the hell away from me?" I whispered a bit too loudly through clenched teeth and balled up fists on the edge of the arms rests, that he had just let go of in surprise.

And then we saw more students look up in curiosity.

And Potter grinned, I shook my head and mouthed "no" to him, but it was too late, so Snape rushed over and hit him again over the head with a book.

And though the temptation arose within me…I realized that I would prefer to keep my job. Or just refrain from it now, but I could always run into his office later, hurl a book at his head, a heavy one, like 1001 Funghi, for instance, and then run for my rooms.

I mean, it wouldn't require that I talk to him.

Besides I could just ignore him forever….after he turned me into a real hag, that is, because I heard he was good at Transfiguration, too.

And that strange apparating thing he apparently did…

"Miss Granger…can you not control the Dream Team…or is it only Longbottom you give instructions too?" He offered snidely to Hermione.

Hermione blushed profusely, mouth agape, and unsure of what to say, as she gave Ron and Harry a withering look, and they begrudgingly took up their half-hearted reading.

"You can make this simple or very difficult."He turned to look down at me again.

"You are mad." I croaked.

"The choice is yours, Vector," he replied airily and with a menacing tone.

"You are mental."

"No I am not, but…" he said softly.

And I looked up ready to utter some more nasty words through my teeth. They were at the ready…until I saw the expression on his face.

"What, Snape, What!" I uttered in soft-voiced exasperation, much more like a hiss.

"But…I am …truly sorry…"

And with that he turned on his heel and fled.

But not before whacking Seamus and Ron once more time before he left.

The bell rang. Study Hall was over.


	23. Chapter 23: The Greatest Liar In a Centu

**The Wrong Snape at the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 23: The Greatest Liar in A Century**

They _say _timing is everything…

Unfortunately, I feel that I am losing everything…every shred of sanity due to the nonsense of my former mentor, so I don't currently possess sanity nor timing either.

Because I forgot that certain Hogwarts rituals were not to be avoided.

So, the solemn vow I took to ignore Snape and never to speak to him again, after he laced my drink with Veritaserum, was never going to work.

Because how could I carry on with my policy towards him when it was his birthday? Why I became sympathetic to a complete _asshole_ even if it just so happened to be the anniversary of their sorry entry into existence…I couldn't tell you.

Not that I cared if it was, but the ritual at Hogwarts was to have a cake, a small little gift for the staff member on the day of their birthday, and perhaps a small toast in the staff room after the last class everyone had for the day, so all could attend.

And today was the asshole's birthday.

We all surrounded him as he glared at us with innate caution much like a caged animal would.

He appeared awkward, unpleasant-looking, even a bit fearful or apprehensive.

_What the hell had life driven him to? _

A common thug _and a_ poisoner of women… whom he thought he could possibly sleep or make out with if he poisoned them. Who knew the usual dry and reserved dolt had such a sex drive?

And speaking of making out….or even kissing….I'm not entirely I can ever utter the word "kiss" again.

After what happened…

Because if I thought I was confused about him before, it was even worse now.

I was unprepared. I was distracted by a raucous Sprout and Hagrid and the comment made by McGonagall.

"Look at him. 36. I remember when he was 11….a small boy, very quiet at first. I remember how pale he was and that it concerned me, especially because it was so noticeable…his hair is so dark, just the opposite…." exclaimed McGonagall in a wistful yet reserved fashion. To know her is to love and respect her. Hard-edged, no nonsense, with the most bounteous heart imaginable, that everyone loved to view when the veneer was breached.

"He was always very smart, very witty, really, with some of the work he has assisted the school with. He really is genius at times," offered Sprout.

Yeah, genius at being an asshole…I wanted to say.

But I looked at Aurora, who was still trying to digest what Snape pulled the other day with the Veritaserum and she said nothing.

She went to the front of the line. She had Astronomy classes at 12 so she had to go to her rooms to rest. She handed him some novelty item with floating stars in it for his desk, which he gazed at unimpressively. He muttered a terse "thank you" between down-turned lips, after she offered a very rushed "Happy Birthday", as she nearly shoved the gift at his chest because she avoided his stare.

Merlin…_shit_…I should have been paying attention.

I was polite…raised well by my parents…it is what I did to everyone after wishing them "Happy Birthday."

I thought nothing of it. Flitwick was asking what my gift was in low, conspiratorial tones.

Snape never opened his gifts now. So, it seemed only right to repay him for what he had attempted to do with the, er, latest offering from Flourish and Blotts.

The bastard loved his books as he would love nothing that breathed in an entire lifetime. Well, only if certain potions ingredients counted before their demise.

The book debuted at number one at Flourish and Blotts, which he might, to my dismay, appreciate only if it knocked a Gilderoy Lockhart fairytale off the charts. In the Defense Against the Dark Arts aisle… it was rather easy to find. I knew he liked the subject…"Vampires in the Wizarding World." The suggestion would not be lost on him. He had done it to me. He deserved it for the Veritaserum.

So maybe it was hard out there trying to be a nasty, manner-less heathen like him. Perhaps I didn't have it in me. Perhaps it was guilt for only I knew why, and he would surely know why the hell later what I meant when he unwrapped the parcel; when he was alone in the Merlin-foresaken loneliness of the dungeons.

Because after he gave me a look of curiosity and looked at my package and then quickly at my face, I made the biggest Snape faux pas I had ever made…._ever._

I forgot to just say _Happy Birthday_….I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as well.

Well, _damn it_ all the elderly female staff members did it. He even allowed Sybil, though he couldn't conceal his distaste exactly. But if you knew him, he tried very hard to at least be civil and polite in public.

In private, we all knew in amusement that he would probably run out after the cake to wash his face with his strongest acting vial of some powerful shit to clean both of his cheeks.

But this didn't happen when I left.

He left before all of us. When I was ready to go I left everyone in the staff room because I was tired. It was late.

I walked back to my rooms. It was dark. I knew I was safe because he was now washing half his face off in his office because he didn't like displays of affection.

I thought of his nose…alas, it would take more than scrubbing to dissolve excessive bone and cartilage.

How wrong I was.

I never ventured there. I forgot really what bookcase it was hidden behind because the paranoid asshole kept changing the look and layout of the corridor that the door to his private potions stores hid behind, after he was convinced Potter stole from him one year, and after Moody/Crouch/whatever the hell happened actually did. He actually informed me once that he suspected Granger too, but he couldn't prove it.

So when I passed a seemingly harmless portrait and nothing more, I never expected to be grabbed swiftly by the arm and drawn by a faceless black robe into what can only be described as a very small, dark, and cramped, pittance of a closet that lost considerable length due to a bloody rickety ladder that took up too much space.

Because when the door shut behind me and I saw who the sole occupant was that I was now sharing this very small space with….I almost peed myself.

It was the Birthday boy…I mean the bloody moron…and he now pressed me against a wall that had liquids in glass beakers that I hoped were sealed tightly and were not too close to the edge, because this dolt looked odd, and he tended to get carried away during interrogation mode.

Interrogation my ass, birthday or not, I refused to talk to him.

And with fear in my breast….and possibly because I suspected he had already tried to look at them again as he did during the fire drill, I knew that this….was why he pulled me into this particular place.

No escape…only he knew how to open it even when I came with him when I was being mentored by him.

_Goddamnit_….yelling would do no good. Even the brilliant Dumbledore, I wasn't 100% sure even knew where the hell this was even though he probably knew some brilliant spells to get me out of here.

No door visible…unless you muttered the incantation, no knobs, nothing.

Just like that rumored room in the castle that Snape _pretended_ didn't exist. Rumor was that it would create any atmosphere for you. Would asking for a world without Snape be possible? Probably a bit rich of me to ask for this as a first request, though multitudes of students who have wet their pants over the years in the dungeons or had their parents send owls of concern to their children would certainly be grateful.

I tried to stop these thoughts from overcoming me as I focused on the inquisitive look he was giving me, the I-want-some-answers, expression he made, and I felt the hold that both of his white fingered hands had around both my upper arms. Light, it didn't hurt, but they were firm and reassured that I had better answer and not lie. Because he would _know…_

The bloody moron, who could now add kidnapping a Hogwarts professor to his evil resume, spoke in a low voice.

"Well, I wish to speak with you. And considering you wish not to speak to me, I had no other choice. This was the only room where I could do so, that you would pass on your way from the staff room privately without running the risk of you yelling like a deranged harpy and alerting half the school or ghosts; Peeves, and the impressionable first years who still don't believe the staff when we tell them that though ghosts and a fiend of a Poltergeist still graces Hogwarts castle we have yet to encounter bogeys…much like Lockhart has yet to encounter his yeti."

Whoah, er, that was a lot to digest. I changed the subject.

"Uh, have you opened your gift yet?" I asked innocently.

"No, not yet Vector. Should I? Are you that eager for me to open it?" he asked silkily and like a smart ass.

"Er, no."

"Perhaps I will in a moment. I am ah, curious after all." He smirked.

"Curiosity killed the…." I sing-songed in a eerie sort of way.

"I know…shame the same can't be said for Filch's beast."

"Well, I er, can give you a pass for your birthday. As for me… er, what you want to know about your gift, and then I want to go." My statement was more like a demand.

"Really…how very generous of you, Vector. I do hate to gloat, but I had already reiterated to you that your vow of silence, honorable pursuit that it is, would not last very long. But it is not about your gift. If you remember correctly, mere seconds ago I confirmed that I had not opened it yet. This is about after the gift was presented to me." The black eyes narrowed and I gulped and realized that apparently interrogation mode had begun.

And for a moment I did not answer…I thought of her…her sweet old, kind face…her advice that had never yet steered me wrong…my sweet old nanny back in Wales when I was a girl. I remember being four or five, at some party or affair and running up to a cousin surrounded by presents and offering a kiss on their cheek, and they laughing ruefully, because I was so small and probably looked ridiculous trying to meet their great height.

How could one sociopath that somehow taught children and was an acting professor and master at our school…Head of a House though that was a bit shady and suspect, totally twist something around that many people do…because I _knew_ where he was going to take this before he said:

"Why did you…_kiss me…_when you presented me with a gift, Vector?""

And the serpentine and slow way, for emphatic purposes, that he said it, and the dark eyes were probing my eyes for a response, or at this point probably something more.

And made me nervous…more nervous than I had been around him for quite some time.

"You jackass! What are you getting at? What did I do out of politeness on an asshole's birthday, one in which I should not have been present, nor speaking at, nor even presenting said asshole with a gift after, oh, I almost forgot….we are probably in the very room where you gathered your nifty supply of veritaserum, are we not?" I glared at him after I erupted.

"We are not discussing _that_ information now." He sneered.

"Oh, yes, we are…and dream on, bloody moron…it was a kiss just because everyone else was doing it." I sounded fourteen.

"Everyone else did _not _do it." He said pointedly.

"…Sprout… Trelawney… McGonagall…." I counted on my fingers and rolled my eyes toward the ceiling exaggeration that I was lost in thought.

"Sinistra _didn't_…Burbage also did not…and thank Merlin, Grubby-Plank," he cringed"….and this makes it even more suspicious because of the, ah, little incident with truth-telling serum. You really did not have to do it, yet you did. Why is that?"

"Politeness on a birthday…habit…distraction…and using a powerful substance like Veritaserum is _not_ a little incident. Are you mental?"

"Distraction? And can you tell me why do I not believe that assertion,Vector." He eyed me suspiciously.

"Believe this, asshole. You have until I count to ten and…to stop looking at me like that…you know…like ….to take your damn hands off my arms….,and, er take….take a step back because you are too close enough already and look like you…"

I was feeling the panic arising.

"Are trying to kiss you?" he offered in a bored tone.

"Yes, yes…you sonofabitch…"

"What if I am? What if …"

"No… _NO!_ It's happened before…and than that one time before that… never again do you hear me….like the drill."

The dark eyes studied me carefully and his head tilted slightly to one side.

"For some reason… your remarks do not match your…"

"Match my what?"

And he moved in closer to me again.

"Your eyes say something else, your breathing is at a rapid pace, which clearly conveys excitement, and, well, Vector, your heart is beating a mile a minute. I can hear it, which lamentably, can only mean that you want me to…."

"Oh, did you learn this at Death Eater spy school, you asshole." I spat venomously.

"One doesn't necessarily need to be a spy to read you….or even a decent legilimans to know that you…"which he informed me in a very full of himself, snooty tone.

"THAT I _WANT_ YOU YOU DELUSIONAL BASTARD!"

"Yes, I believe that about accurately sums it up." His lip twisted in a calm and careless smirk.

"You… you think that?" I got out between loss of breaths.

"…Quite convinced, actually. And even though I don't think much of your intelligence or judgment, it doesn't mean that I don't have needs like any other man my age and…well, intellect, in certain circumstances such as these, are not required for when two people…" He announced airily.

"That is _DISGUSTING_….needs? I don't want to hear about what you need. I have never led you on to think or believe….let me tell you….I was _distracted…_and a fool for trying to be decent and now I am going to _cause_ a distraction. You have to the count of 10 to get the hell off of and away from me with your filthy mind…_and robes_… before I scream."

And he made a face, because I hit upon something. Just because there was no way out, didn't mean that there was no way for someone else to come in if I screamed bloody murder and they heard me.

"Don't….you know that I have just talked….and shed some light on some opinions I have kept to myself." He looked offended and a bit concerned. "I would never push the issue with you, nor have I ever done so. You know that."

He looked rattled….and I felt sorry for him and calmer now that I have ,er, won.

"Well, in case you try anything… I just want you to know. I still can't forget the fire drill."

"But this is not the fire drill, and I admit I er, might have handled that wrong."

"What? Pulling a false alarm so I would have to be around you?"

"That wasn't exactly what my aim was to…." He was white and almost stuttered because it came out quick.

I was livid. I ignored him and started. "_10_…and I never want to speak to you again, er, for real this time."

"_9…."_

"Alright…I have nine seconds as well. I see there is no other choice though. This is not how I wished to broach the subject to you."

"_8…"_I said louder than the last two.

"Perhaps…perhaps, I do not dislike you as much as you thought, Vector….that you do not repulse me as much as I have conveyed to you in the past…but it doesn't mean that I…"

"_7…"_

"That it is with deepest regret that for some time now I have not looked at you any longer as the bane of my career and existence and mental equilibrium at this fine school and institution of learning…"

"6…." I shouted.

"That I have tried everything to hide it from you until I could feel you out…"

"And apparently try to feel me up you jackass…_5… _I said in mock interest, but I peered at him because I think he just said…

"I cannot deny it…I regret it…but I have also been in much the same boat as you. Seemingly immersing myself in these ridiculous situations the drill, dinner, to spend some time with you so I could talk to you and see if…"

"Oh, no, oh, 4….4…"

"And see if….."

"Er, 3…."

"…if there was any chance that you would see behind my foolish grasping at air and nonsense and prove that my thoughts and attitude towards my co-worker and former mentoring subject…."

"2 and a _half_…and I am not a subject, you asshole, or a potions experiment. I am a person….and you are not supposed to put a hand in my hair or anywhere on me because I made that clear a few minutes ago….and apparently, you are not listening….drop the hand, Snape….stop with the hand on my face crap!" He went there.

"I did not mean it like that, you know, Vector… there is no point in explaining myself if your hair is in your eyes and you can barely see me say something, is it?"

"Fine, then 2…. "

"…That sarcasm and my usual tact or lack of reasonable adult behavior with you is not working, so I will refrain from my ulterior motives, ah, I mean objective." He just slipped and he knew it and I knew it and I believe his cheeks almost turned pink, quite different from his usual sallow color.

"_1."_

"And because I never seem to speak plainly or even anything sane or civil around you, you leave me no choice." His eyes sought mine, saw something, and retreated. I saw it hough he said nothing.

And then he backed away.

"What? You are not going to kiss me?" A voice from within took over my own and blurted this out. I thought I would die. Hormones and charming admissions have a power to rival even that of magic.

"No. And I think events of the drill have made things worse."

"Than…than… why all this 10 second nonsense?" I asked sheepishly.

"If I remember correctly you put a time constraint and not I." He informed me coldly.

"If you would have said this stuff earlier you might have gotten somewhere." And I seriously could have kicked myself in the ass right there and then for saying this.

"I know that now." The door opened magically. "Vector, go to the room down the corridor and tend to yourself in the mirror. You look…odd. You may want to look before you pass anyone in the hallway on the way back."

"What?"

"Your hair is tousled and you have color in your face and you look like…you've been up to something."

"Like kissing?" I screeched.

"Exactly."

And I knew he had disturbed enough happy dating couples to be a professional at observing this behavior in others.

"But you didn't do anything, you bloody moron, you just er stopped."

"I thought you wanted me to, and, who said that was going to happen in the first place, Vector. There you go making inane assumptions again." He shook his head and I wanted to shake him.

"Well, before you said all that nice and ,er, honest stuff and became, er, earnest and all…"

"Go, Vector. And it was not nice, it was honest, and it cleared the air, and it was to tell you that it will not happen again."

"Whatever…I'll take my leave before you break open some Veritaserum or whatever…sane idea that it was…" I snapped sarcastically but I knew I was flushed in the face with embarrassment.

"Yes, that is probably for the best. My apologies, and I assure you that now that I have taken back my leave of my senses and acknowledged my mistakes when I had that little, ah, adult crush on you , let me reassure you that it will not happen again."

"What won't?" I looked perplexed.

"Anything that has happened now or in the past; it won't do. I have changed my mind. I can't, and now that I realize what I was doing, I see that not doing anything would be prudent and in both our best interests. We work together and striking up an affair or er, dalliance, would not work for either of us."

I took a step forward.

He stepped back. "Affair? Is this the 1800's?" Are you mad, Snape? AND WHAT THE HELL _IS _AN ADULT CRUSH?"

"I thought that maybe you could be…"

"A diversion…" I added.

"Perhaps…possibly…but you are mad, so that is no longer possible, if it even ever was."

"Just physical?" I ignored the part where he just called me mad because I was truly distracted now.

"Yes."

"Good bye, Snape, er, please, I am leaving….and you are the one that is mad!"

"Vector." He nodded and just stood there as I made a grand exit in style.

Er, I hope.

And now that he no longer, er, or never did want me or whatever the hell he was trying to tell me back there….

My crush might just be back…with a vengeance.


	24. Chapter 24: A Somewhat Walk Of Shame and

**The Wrong Snape At the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 24: A Somewhat Walk of Shame and Regret**

_The kisses were soft but insistent. I would have never known…never believed it to be true. That a jackass of a bloody moron could kiss so divinely…_

And then I woke up. Now that the crush was back with a vengeance, this was just one of many dreams that I had been having lately about _HIM._

Him…who apparently did have that crush on me just like I had of him, and I was too stupid and too distracted really to notice.

Who was I kidding? This was never easy. Too much baggage on his side…too much concern and nervousness on my part…

And that fire drill…the fire drill that certainly put a damper on things..

And on me…

_**The Fire Drill…again…**_

We arrived at his office to check out the rooms in the dungeons as he claimed was our half-assed contingency plans after the fire drill.

He made a half-hearted attempt to appear to be looking around when he suddenly turned to me, stopped dead in his tracks, and gazed at me appealingly but in a dark, dastardly sort of way.

"So Vector, now that we are here…"He crossed his arms in his about to take care of business stance. It truly irked me.

"Which I believe is what you wanted, isn't it?" I pulled my nightgown up with a jerk.

"Perhaps…shame that the cauldron alerted the magical sensors." His lip curled on one side.

"Are you still going to insult my intelligence and playact that there was really any _cause _for an alarm?" I raised a dubious eyebrow.

"There was…you are eluding my queries. I have been trying to tell you that I have my suspicions regarding you and me…what I know…what I think I know about you, that you have made most difficult to…" He began to speak more rapidly. The bastard looked slightly nervous.

"And that is an emergency?" I waved my hands over my head, and then instantly remembered to adjust my nightgown again.

He didn't answer. He just watched my movements with an air of curiosity. I blushed purple.

"Vector," he paused for effect."Why won't you admit you have been staring at me? Why is that so difficult for you? You act as if something is wrong with that," he said in an endearing and very soft voice. I grew quite nervous. It was almost as if he had switched personalities, as if I were talking to someone else. It was so different and happened so fast…

"Why do you care? And did you not say my _staring, _er, not that I did it, was sordid and suspicious and…" I spat. As if I was a lovesick, hemming and hawing dolt that was obsessed with Lockhart, for crying out loud.

"Perhaps it intrigues me…maybe even more than I thought it would," he offered sincerely. Never a good sign…maybe we both had difficulties with too much truth.

"You are mad. And so am I…I am _done_…okay, I have stared at you. Fine, I will own up to it," It just came out. Something told me against my better judgment. He wouldn't let this drop again and it just happened.

"Good. Then I am not being overly cautious…I am not wrong about it then…" I could not make out his expression. It was bland and revealed nothing. But it did not match what he was saying to me.

"Of what? You are the damned Death Eater, not me. I try to be cautious because you are undoubtedly mental. A real nutter…." I spluttered in embarrassment.

He rushed over and for a moment I was apprehensive. He looked hurt and even more frightening, a little angry. "Do not say that to me. I was, now I am not…no longer… despite what people may think. I am only fortunate enough to have not been a damned fool any longer than I was, to realize at a young age that, to put it plainly, it is not for me." He stopped as if he too was surprised at what just burst forth from his thin lips.

"Oh, er, sorry." The atmosphere was really strained now.

"And I will finally admit to you Vector that I have in the past on rare occasions stared at you as well." He was staring into my face as he said it.

"Why? Why now? Do you think I've had enough grief after the drill? Really now."

"You are fascinating Vector…_to me_." He was solemn.

"How? In a Ministry classified creature sort of way…"

"I guess, but maybe some other ways too." He smirked mysteriously.

"Oh, great, I can't wait to hear this." I threw up my hands again and turned behind me and then turned again. I couldn't stand still.

"How could you walk outside in a very thin, I might add, nightdress?" He seemed perplexed and I am not sure that he realized that he changed the subject.

"I had no choice, you sonofabitch, you caused a fake fire drill, my clothes were with the elves, and this is what I sleep in if you _don't mind._! And I panicked fearing if I burned to a crisp I would look like the Dark Lord, so I fled the castle." I informed him with disdain.

"Believe me… I don't and neither does any male who admires attractive women."

I gulped and changed the subject. "You hate everyone."

"No I do not."

"Yes you do." I nodded.

"No, I do not and please back away from the fireplace or we will have another drill." He looked cautiously at the fireplace.

"Whatever." I threw up my hands. I didn't quite make sense. He was talking in circles.

"No Vector. You have gotten too close."

"I am not coming any closer to you so don't even try." I backed up.

"Stop it and step forward, Vector." He pleaded quietly.

"Fine." I stopped but did not move towards him.

"Vector. Despite my misgivings….I am not making callous comments to offend you. Perhaps it has gotten to me a bit."

"What?"

"Being around you…seeing you like that…I will disclose to you and it doesn't leave this office," he made a face, "that you are somewhat appealing to me…"

"For a hag?" I threw out.

"For anything… for everything…I never believed I would tell you this, but from what I can see you are lovely…very lovely…" And he looked at me appreciatively.

"You are disgusting." I grabbed at the top of my gown again.

"How is that disgusting? I am telling you that despite what I have claimed at an earlier date, I find you very attract….Oh, dear Merlin…_don't move_."

I had waved my hands around and the ruffled sleeves of my gown, though I was warned, had indeed caught a spark from the fireplace.

He acted fast. He grabbed me away. The sleeve had already emitted smoke. Thank Merlin they were so long that that they hadn't reached the skin on my arm.

But the water reached me. Water poured from the ceilings of the dungeon. Er, onto me.

It would be seconds, mere seconds, before Dumbledore and the staff came in to see what had happened and assist.

And I cried. When I saw his look of horror turn to sympathy; I knew. And I did the only thing I thought of when he reached me and put his arms around me in a protective sort of fashion. I shoved him and slapped his arms away.

The gown was soaked. But the water poured down on me in a torrent so maybe he didn't see all of the tears of mortification that fell.

But he could, I was sure, see everything else. I wanted to double check but the horror and apprehension I felt stopped me for a moment.

And then I looked.

We had so many walls… so many things hidden from one another.

But now my body was not. The sheer thin material clung to me.

And that was all, because I had been asleep and never had anything else on due to comfort when I went to bed. And we never _ever_ had school practice fire drills in the early hours of the damned morning.

And the foolish belief that, like any other normal human, the privacy that your own bedroom accords you when you turn in alone for the night was just that.

Apparently _not._

The drying spell would take too long. We looked at each other and both knew it. He lost a few seconds looking at my nightgown and I swatted him again for his impertinence and because I was thoroughly and horribly embarrassed and too scared to move now that I had looked down at myself.

_Mortification complete._

He heard the steps; the staff was coming.

Under no other circumstances would I agree to this…but we hadn't the time.

He swept off his black cloak, that I believed he never washed, and wrapped it around me. His hands moved to fasten something, but I swatted at him again, and he moved back.

But not before taking a few more seconds to stare. It didn't even look like it was on purpose. It looked as if he couldn't stop himself. His expression was one of awe and pleasure as I heard him catch his breath, and for a moment I was so stunned and flattered I forgot that I hated him.

Which didn't mollify me for long though it was immature and dumb and reminded me that I was a dolt too for being so insecure, for fooling myself that someone thinking you are beautiful didn't matter. It was a nice feeling. Very human…and after all, though he claimed I could have been one of the creatures that Lockhart lied about when he mentioned he had come across some of them, I was only human anyway.

And this nonsense that day should have told me what he had tried to get out before I almost became a human fire ball. But for a long time after the drill, I believed he still thought me a dolt, still wished to aggravate me, get on my last nerve, even later when I wasn't even impressed that he was physically attracted to me; that it was confirmed.

That he did care for me, er, somewhat…he just might be interested in me…or at least I was highly attractive to him. But he had tried for so long to hide it for many reasons. Even reasons I could not even remotely understand.

And looking back I forgot my yelling at him and bawling at the top of my lungs when the staff arrived and surveyed the scene in abject surprise, but not truly surprised because they had always suspected….

He made sure I was covered by his cloak. It covered me completely I had to admit. And for not being laundered, it smelled pretty pleasant. Male, herby, maybe even a touch of citrus from that stuff the elves used. He did…he did wash his robes. Who knew? Now about that hair of his…

And the funniest and strangest part was that I wasn't sure if he did it only out of concern for my embarrassment.

And a sinking feeling told me that he might just have done it to make sure nobody else could catch a glimpse of me…but him.

And it didn't matter anymore because now that I realized what I should have a long time ago, how difficult it was for him to say how he felt, how he bothered me to no end because of his own fears and insecurities…his crush or whatever was _over._

He had told me.

So now the dilemma…what was I to do to make my crush go away? He pretty much confirmed that he had absolutely changed his mind and intentions, towards me.

Well, it was only nine at night. I had several more hours to go to figure out what I could do before work tomorrow.


	25. Chapter 25: Dumped By an Unconfirmed Dea

**The Wrong Snape At The Wrong Time**

**Chapter 25: Dumped By an Unconfirmed Death Eater**

I have now officially sat here for hours studying _him _and contemplating the point that we are currently at.

Oh, _rubbish._ He is done. It really is about the point that _I_ am at.

That being…insanity…but we are both a bunch of basket cases, perhaps me even more so than him.

Why should I feel this way? Why am I completely pissed off that here we are at a staff get-together in the staff room and he hasn't looked my way _once._ Not even to insult me, nor giving me the opportunity to tell his ass off royally.

It sucks.

I miss him…I really do.

Unclean, unsanitary robes an all…

Would I have done anything differently?

Instead of complaining about the dark mark could I have just thought_, hey, that is a wickedly cool tattoo?_

When he wanted to tell me what he knew, could I have just let him give it a go?

Because now I think he was trying to tell me…

I pouted. He just allowed Sprout to fill his tea cup and it has been nearly three hours and he still hasn't even let on that I am in the same room with him.

It's been the same for days. He just nods when we sit at meal times in the Great Hall and makes his exit at the end and walks the damned _long way_ around the very _long_ table so as not to pass me.

And I know people find it peculiar but don't have the gall or wisdom to even broach the subject up to either of us.

And if I get one more odd look from my friend Aurora again, I will scream!

The look that silently asked what the hell happened, are you okay, was it him or you, and other sundry wordless questions.

How do you tell someone what you can't even explain to yourself?

Er, it's complicated.

And I just got _sort of_ dumped from a Death Eater who apparently has moved on with no replacement for his unusual and twisted affections for me in sight.

The man hasn't had a woman in years, but he doesn't want me anymore either!

Damn it the hell!

If I could only call him a sonofabitch loser one more time and have him glare at me in revulsion.

It would, er, make my day.

Even one heady, unsolicited gawking of my face or barely clothed body and checking me out would do.

Merlin, he really had wanted me.

And I completely blew it.

I had already dropped a tea cup and a pastry dish.

One on purpose to see if it would draw his attention….

An utter failure of a mission…I inwardly cringed.

And even one by accident due to nerves.

Still a failure…I sulked bitterly.

He hadn't looked over even when he heard two rather loud crashes and my raised voice proclaim

"Uh, I think I might be cut….badly…no problem, Filius, the sight of copious amounts of blood doesn't bother me much. I'll live. I hope."

He went on talking with Dumbledore.

For a blood lollipop actually has a use. If you put it in very hot tea for a period of time, it will melt.

Hence, my almost hemorrhage.

I could don my nightgown and get some type or reaction from him…

Well, really, that I am daft, but anything would do at this point.

So I continued to act over the top jovial and tried to engage others in conversation to pretend I wasn't examining Snape talking to Dumbledore in a corner of the room.

By this time, Filius had given me an odd look and tapped my papercut with his wand with a concerned look at my face.

I studied Snape some more.

He was engrossed in some type of conversation with Dumbledore. They had their heads close together, but were still looking around the room, and even those closest to them didn't seem to be none the wiser.

They were experts. They gave _covert _a new definition. And it only made my already upset stomach drop some more.

He was probably going somewhere tonight.

Which was worse: to Voldemort or with some woman in Knocturn Alley?

And it made me anxious. Probably to Voldemort's side, where one day, if he were not careful, even if the Dark Lord, or whatever he chose to call himself was in a particulralry paranoid mood, could just do away with him.

But their calm and composed banter never let this on to people as he and Dumbledore continued to speak softly.

But I knew better. I had heard a few things from him here and there.

It could be any night.

And I had many nights…many nights when he either tried to tell me something, tried to kiss me, or even worse, and I just shrugged it off or yelled in a panic, "Don't grope me,"when I had plenty of opportunities to just let _us_…happen.

Naturally, to a most unnatural person like myself and hell, him too, it just wasn't in the cards.

Now, could I accept this?

No, of course not…

But I would have to. I knew that.

But if I still felt the misery I had felt in a few months time like I did for the past few days, would I ever feel better?

It felt worse than when I saw him talking to some bitch at a quidditch match and he had to come over and inform me that he and Mrs. Malfoy had been friends since they went to school together. And I did not call him over. I was leaving. He felt he had to explain to me.

Uh…I miss those days. Our awkward, stunted relations…

Boy, was I a right idiot!

And if I felt jealous then, there was no telling how I would feel in the future if it happened again.

Highly unlikely, but what if he really did meet someone else?

It could be some psychotic Death Eater chit, but still.

And then I would really have to leave him alone because she would probably hex my face off.

But then she would go to Azkaban and he would be single again.

I just wouldn't have a face.

But really, I'm not sure he is or can be entirely picky with the ladies in his case.

He, er, has some stuff going for him though. I could admit that, but not to anyone else because they might think I was deranged.

His dark hair and eyes were surely his best physical features. They almost carried the team of his face because the nose was lacking in the attractive department.

But his nose didn't bother me….I couldn't picture him with another or even something smaller.

It just wouldn't be him.

Even the bloody robes he wore _all of the time_ and never washed. I could just wash them for him. Or contact an elf which he could have done all along and not gotten the reputation for being a stinky heathen.

And the most important qualities…the non-physical. There was just so much more there.

The sarcasm, dry wit, brilliance, hands-on calm and cool demeanor… He just knew bloody everything about his own subject and everything else around him too.

And to tie it all together…the best voice known to any male that has ever graced our world.

He was an odd package, a distorted one, but I saw the strange charm in it all now.

And all the crap about the staring, half our arguments and then some, and here I was staring at him, maybe even more than I ever did before, and he didn't give a niffler's ass.

I would do anything to rush over and hand my tea cup gallantly and just burst out with. "Poison me or utilize Veritserum. Your choice. Just bloody talk to me already."

Oh, Merlin, I guess I did love him?

And I could feel the tears trying to come out but I held them in check. Speaking of risky potions, the incident with the amortentia… He didn't need any…he had lured me in…he wanted me to tell him what I smelled. Because he wanted to know…and he even told me what he smelled.

All attributes of me…of what I liked…and I dropped the ball there too.

I am the biggest idiot in the wizarding world.

The poor bastard tried everything and not only was I not the least bit receptive. I was the biggest asshole and shot him down how many times?

With a look, a retort, physical violence, some smart ass remark…and my foul language. Which he told me even Fletcher would hold his ears in my presence if I spouted such curses.

I wouldn't bother anymore if I was him either.

Somebody physically holds you in their arms in a very small and locked stock room and looks into your eyes and declares themselves to you, opens up all their feelings regarding you or why they had resorted to a lot of nonsense too, and you just resort to foul language and threats and brush them off.

I did.

And now the only looks I was getting still were from all the staff except him or Dumbledore.

Should I go to the top of the Astronomy Tower and scream from the roof tops?

"_Yes,_ Wizarding World Severus Snape has _dumped_ me."

"_No,_ we were not together in any normal well-adjusted sense of the word, but we had _something._ A sick, teenaged, damaged souls type of thing. It had its ups and downs and I only appreciated it when it was too late."

"_And no_, he will not kill me in my sleep. He never really tried to sleep with me. Hinted heavily ,yes, but he did like me like that. And probably for even more sterling and purer qualities than that…"

I mean I have called him a rotten sonofabitch and a bloody moron and he did come back for more for the longest…

And it was too late.

So after hours of thinking these things I had finally had enough.

It was over so why sit here and torture myself?

I made my excuses and left.

And Aurora came with me, following me out.

And we went back to her quarters where she offered me tea.

However, this tea was spiked with some serious, nerve and emotion deadening amounts of firewhiskey.

And I pretty much told her everything.

She said she would tell nobody. She was my best friend after all.

No unbreakable vow to keep silence on her part necessary.

I guess I was a bit paranoid.

I mean, would she really tell him?


	26. Chapter 26: The Stake Out

**The Wrong Snape At the Wrong Time**

**Chapter 26: The Stake Out**

Ok, I feel like a right fool.

Well, really I am one.

How can you feel the desire for closure when you've already had closure?

And why in the hell would a small woman topping out at barely 5' 4" decide that it was prudent to hang out in the Forbidden Forest and wait for Severus Snape to return?

I am nuts. It was 2 in the morning but I was going to get my closure and have it out with him.

As long as I wasn't bitten by a vampire or mauled by some odd creature that lived in the forest.

Actually, I heard that the centaurs could have an attitude also if you ran into them and there was some type of charmed automobile with an right nasty attitude roaming wild in the forest too.

The stakes were high but damn it, I really needed that closure.

Even if we were over, this not talking to me nonsense really had to end.

So, here I was.

But I wasn't that thick, I had taken some precautionary measures.

I had a long midnight blue robe on with the hood up, hoping I cut a fear-inducing and imposing figure in all my 5' 4" glory.

I had garlic and a copy of a Lorcan D'Eath record to either repel or appease some vampires should I happen to encounter them.

I could just step on the bowtruckles if they went on a rampage and attempted to poke me in the eye, because if I couldn't see, I just might miss Snape in black in the dark forest if he passed me by.

With any other type of creature or the centaurs I was screwed. I had no contingency plans for them besides my brain, my guts, my wand, and whatever wits I had left.

Also, I was clumsy at times which while weighing my strengths and weaknesses, had to be taken into account.

I had been out here for an hour. I've heard noises, the rustling of leaves, snapping twigs, and a few things that made me scream bloody murder in fright.

But I soldiered on. Hopefully, he would appreciate the lengths I went to while waiting to tell him off and get that closure.

I had also decided that my "fort" would be a huge tree in which I surrounded myself with a shield charm that kept breaking when I would lose concentration and scream and drop my wand when I heard any type of suspicious sound, and then I would have to pick up my wand and cast the charm again.

And then there was the barking. Dear Merlin, perhaps werewolves. I ran. Because I missed him, I cared about him, but I was not going to become a werewolfess for him.

And then I heard a "What the ruddy hell? Professor Vector, is that you?"

It was Hagrid, with Fang, holding a lantern and a bayonet.

And I was hugging a tree. I was attempting to climb up so I looked like the biggest fool imaginable. My damn boots kept slipping up the tree and I got bloody nowhere.

"Yes, er, it's me. How are you this evening? Lovely night for a walk, eh." I gave him a sweet smile.

"In the Forbiddne Forest." He looked confused.

"Well, I am waiting for Professor Snape. I have urgent business to discuss with him," I sniffed importantly.

"Oh, Septima, he won't be back for another hour at least. This week he hasn't been turning up here to go back to the castle until at least four or so."

"_Really."_ Oh, shit.

"But if yer need to wait, come back with us and I will make yer some tea."

"Oh, but I wouldn't want to inconvenience you and er, Fang."

"Naw, we aren't doing anything. Only came out here because we heard some right nasty screams."

"Oh, er, yeah, I heard it too. Not sure what it could be."

I wasn't telling him that it was me because I was a big coward.

So I went back and moved my fort or I think I would rather like to call them my _surveillance headquarters_ to Hagrid's hut.

Big upgrade from the forest, let me tell you.

I removed my cloak and drank some tea and nibbled on a rock cake.

If I had become a vampire I probably would have had the teeth to take more than one bite, but what use would that be considering I would only desire warm blood.

But I didn't matter. I dropped the cake by accident because I just saw Snape walk past the hut on his way to the castle.

Hagrid did too, and stood up and almost knocked over the table.

"I'll get him. Finish your cake and tea and grab your cloak and then you can come out side." He went out his door and into the forest.

"Thank you, Hagrid." I called out after him nervously.

Good; a little stalling time so I could compose myself and see what I would say, because I really hadn't thought about it much at headquarters.

I swung my cloak around my shoulders, smoothed my hair because Hagrid didn't have a mirror in his hut which explained a lot, and hoped for the best.

I went outside.

He was standing there looking at me as if he had never seen me before; as if he didn't know me.

"Er, hi, how's it going?" I asked cheerfully.

"Follow me…back to the castle," he said stiffly.

He nodded at Hagrid and swept off, robes trailing behind him.

And he was really tall and took larger strides so I had to struggle to keep up with him.

Very difficult to have a conversation when you are struggling for breath…

I gave it a go.

"Why are you still not talking to me?" I asked breathlessly.

"I think it is for the best. You have done it to me before and now I know why. It really _is_ for the best. I should have heeded your advice earlier," he said simply.

"No it isn't. I was _wrong._"

"But what is all the fuss about ,Vector.? You loathe me," He kept walking ahead and offered casually.

"I do not." I picked up my pace.

"I apparently repulse you."

"You don't I ,er, thought you did but you don't." Merlin, why did I not like the way I sounded.

"And I have made it clear that this would conflict with my other interests so it is best, as the say, to let sleeping dogs lie," he stated firmly.

"That analogy _sucks."_ I made a face in disapproval.

"And I really can't get past your foul language." He rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"I won't curse again. Er, ever." I tried to sound reassuring. He was asking a lot.

"I find that highly unlikely when you lose your temper, which is quite often lately." He stated it plainly and I couldn't deny that he was right.

I went out in full force. I ran in front of him and halted him by blocking his steps.

"Look at me." I fairly burned a hole with my eyes as I stared at him. "I …I am smitten…with you." And I could kick myself for not coming up with something better due to panic and frustration.

"Very old-fashioned… what does that entail precisely?" He was calm but he seemed to be attentive.

"You _know_." I tipped my head up.

"No I do not _know_."

I floundered a bit due to the piercing look he gave me.

"I don't like that we are not talking."

"You give no clear definition for what constitutes smitten in any case." And his expression was stone and made me falter again.

"Stop being a bloody moron!" He wasn't making this easy for me. Did he understand how difficult this was for me? Pouring your heart out and having someone step on it. What did he know of that?

"See? You can't speak civilly and that is why I choose not to converse with you and to drop everything I told you in the Potions storeroom."

"Foul language was not one of the deal breakers if I recall…"

"It is a small part, but there are other reasons that I informed you of." He shook his head.

"But why fight it? It is what it is."

"It was what it _was."_

"Don't say that. Severus!"

He had moved quite ahead of me. I ran faster.

"Stop! Wait! Are you over me?" I asked softly.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me oddly.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you are over me…for good." I stood firm.

His eyes were guarded but his mouth made a funny movement while closed tightly.

"_Yes…_."he took his time before answering with a sort of sigh.

"Why?"

"I believe my energies would be better spent elsewhere."

"What? Who is she?" My eyes opened wide in shock.

"Not _she_…I have work to do for Dumbledore."

"What does that have to do with me?" I blurted out carelessly.

"More than you know," and his voice was very quiet.

"What is with the cryptic bullshit?" I sounded affronted.

"Well, I will tell you plainly."

"Will you think about it?" I wasn't giving up yet.

"I have. I won't do. I can't do it anymore…It's not good for me or for you." He looked very sincere and it killed me. It hurt him too. It had been difficult and he looked relieved to stop backtracking, and to just have an opportunity to clear the air. It scared me.

"Oh…." I was speechless.

The hurt… was it at him, or because I made a mess of everything and botched it up royally?

I turned and hurried past him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I am going. I said what I had to. But let me make it clear that I _dumped_ you."

"No, you did not. If I remember correctly I made myself quite plain in the store room." His eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"Yeah, _I _dumped you and then _you _dumped me."

"Oh, no, Vector you are terribly mistaken. Delude yourself as you wish, it was I that broke things off."

"Nope." I shook my head with all the self-righteousness I could muster.

"And besides, how can you dump someone when there was nothing going on to begin with?"

"You just admitted there was something." My face fell.

"Yes, I wanted you quite badly and you rejected any hints or advances I had made. Whether gentlemanly, subtle, or outright throwing it into your lap like the fool that I was."

"And you never gathered that my nonsense was me fighting my feelings for you?"

He grew rigid. I hoped. I never was really sure but I think I got him here. He didn't answer.

"Well, then you will never know than will you? So that is it. We both felt something, we both knew it… but you say just because it was never confirmed means it wasn't real or didn't exist." I gave him a lingering look, held my tears in check.

I sped off…

_**Five minutes later…**_

He let her go.

And he stopped dead in the forest. He could go no further. Because the surge of affection for her that rapidly spread throughout his body and soul made it so. And it didn't take very long for the full impact to sink in.

_She loved him…she wanted to be with him…she had thought of him…she had missed him and according to Hagrid was waiting in the forest to talk to him like the unscrupulous, rowdy, and risk-taking adorable fool that she was._

And what he had contemplated; the moment had come at last.

He never thought it would come to this but it had.

He walked again his pace picking up.

He stopped again to give them some space. He saw her muttering curses to herself. Her hands waving around as she sped walk with angry purpose. And then he bit his lip to control his laughter. She had stopped and walked back to kick a stone Hogwarts pig that she had passed to make herself feel better as she flung open the castle door and slammed it.

He looked around. He whipped out his wand and thought the spell and the message.

He had sent his patronus to Dumbledore, with a message.

Would he be available? He wished to tell him about his work this evening and they had something else to discuss as well.

Vector.

He only trusted him. He needed his advice about how they could work things out. He needed to know that he loved her and that he was going to embark in getting involved with her. He would tell him that he made a promise to him years ago and he would not fail. They had to find a way to work around it. He had never planned on falling in love with anyone, but he had. And it would never compromise their work regarding the Dark Lord and his protection of Potter.

Dumbledore would understand. He understood love. He would probably be thrilled, and surprised, because he had kept his love for Vector a secret from him, whom he worked so closely with, for years.

And once he has this sorted out, he would start with her. He would start slow. First, he had to break the ice and appear to be on speaking terms with her again. And the rest would follow all in good time. She would have to be very careful now too. He would have to make that implicitly clear to her because she was sometimes unruly and hardly subtle. But he loved that about her too.

And except for Dumbledore, for right now, they couldn't tell a soul.

**The End**


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